Dear Jacquie. it has been eight long years since you left this earthly plane but not a day has gone by without me feeling a huge swell of gratitude of the impact your life has on my life past and present.
At the moment I am going through the painful process of unlearning the thought patterns I developed through my life which caused me to neglect my own well being, resulting in not being there for the one's most dear to me.
I am tempted to think "what's the point" I cannot change the past but I owe it to your memory to become a better person. In honour of you.
Thank you very much for being there for me I will keep you in my thoughts forever lots and lots of love XOXO

Another year, another what would have been, birthday, and humans seem ever more hell bent on destroying each other as well as the planet. Past lessons have not been learnt. 
I would love to believe in the concept of heaven and that you are in a "better place". But, as you know, I don't believe in God. If I did, I don't think I'd like him for taking so many good, kind people, far too soon. 
Keep on dancing at the top of that mountain. I never miss you less.
All my love hun, xxx

Dear Jacquie, as I sit here wondering what to write I am listening to the Charlie Puth song "it's been a long day without you my friend" which seems to say it all. My life is going along rather sweetly which is a rather bitter sweet feeling because it doesn't take away the feeling of wanting to share my good fortune with you. Excepting to feeling you have been influencing my good fortune.
Thank you so much XOX

Hey babe, been a busy year this end. Thought about moving to the Isle of Man. Went for a holiday there but Mark wasn't keen. I'd move there tomorrow if I didn't have to leave the island......nightmare ferries! And you know how I hate travelling. Menorca in May was grim too....s*** room, too many people. Back from Corfu 2 weeks ago today. Loved it. Fed all the stray cats we could of course. Came from 28 degrees, to autumnal rain and fog back here. Then 3 nights in a hired campervan. In October? Freezing in the pop top. Won't be buying one and trading in the car after all. Next stop, the Peak District in December. 
So much I would have loved to be able to share with you. 7 years since we lost you and it doesn't get any easier. I miss you the same as at the beginning. Winter's coming....you'd be getting your jumpers out. How you loved your jumpers! The dark cosy evenings with the tea lights glowing. You are always in my thoughts, hon.  xoxox

I have not left you a message for a long time too wrapped up in getting things just right and have had a horrible cold for most of January which is lingering on but I think of you every day and night. I also would love to come up with some lovely words to write here. Happy Birthday to you except the level you are at now time no longer exists. A difficult concept for us mere mortals to grasp.

Almost Christmas again hun. Sixth one without you. I still have a little notebook you bought me many years ago. It's nearly full now but I shall never get rid of it. Just doing the charity donations for Christmas. Did one to Cats Protection for you. They even have a tribute wall for pics of lost loved ones. Both pets and people. Of course, you were my person. It's -6 degrees here at the moment and so pretty with ice and frost all over. You'd have loved it. Not so much the cold though, eh petal?! lol.
Miss you so much still.
xoxox

Dear Jacquie I am sitting here in my gorgeous new flat, sunshine streaming through the window thinking your guiding hand is running right through it. It hasn't got that wonderful hippy vibe you would have added to it though. I am sure given time little touches will begin to occur. I am virtually a vegan now and try to make sure no animal suffers because of me. I am sure you can read my mind from where ever you are so I better be on my best behaviour LOL.
Lots and lots of love XOX

Happy birthday hun.
 Same s*** different day here.
My back's bad again. Reminds me of how you'd always insist on carrying anything remotely heavy whenever we did our trawl around the charity shops.
Always thinking of others. Always so kind. I could have been a better friend to you, I'm sure. Your "fur ball" doesn't miss you any less despite the passing years.
Love you always babe.
xoxox

Can't believe that it is 5 years since we lost you. On my phone, I still have the last text you sent me. In my wardrobe, I still have a summer top you picked out for me and persuaded me to buy. You were right, it did look better on me than on the hanger. It's too big for me now, but it will always have a space in that wardrobe.
Missing you hasn't got any easier. You were the best friend I ever had. Love you still. xxx

You are still a strong influence in my life. The memories of you make me stronger. 
As an aside , the world's mis handling of the Covid crisis reminds me of Jacquie saying she only had time for the animal kingdom because humans are so destructive.
Love you forever xxxx

One of the most selfless people I have ever known. She gave everyone the benefit of the doubt till proved otherwise. I found the following words on her computer.
As I sit in heaven and watch you everyday I try to let you know with signs I never went away. I hear you when you are laughing and watch you when you sleep. I even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep. I see you wish the days away begging to have me home so I try to send you signs so you know you are not alone. Don't feel guilty that you have life that was denied to me. Heaven is truly beautiful. Just you wait and see, laugh again, enjoy yourself, be free. Then I know with every breath you take you'll be taking one for me.

Today would have been Jacquie's 60th birthday. We used to talk about where we would go with our senior citizens railcards. In these troubled times of Covid our travels would have been delayed but to quote from the chapter on death from Kahlil Gibran's  "The Prophet" ....."when you have reached the mountaintop, then shall you begin to climb, and when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
Wherever Jacquie is now, I can picture her dancing in the sunshine.
Dance on, sweet soul sister.

What can I say, me and mum had our ups and downs, like most people I guess. I regret all the time wasted but thankfully for the last few years of her life we grew close again and mum got to know her two grandchildren. Mum was as honest as the day is long and did not suffer fools lightly. Mum had a very open mind and I was able to talk to her about anything without judgement, and she had a wicked sense of humour! Forever missed and always remembered, love you Mum.

I came across this poem by happy accident today.
I carry you in my heart with me by E E Cummings
I carry you in my heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go, my dear; and
whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always
meant and whatever a sun will always sing to you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which
grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I met Jacquie in early 1997 when I had recently moved to Norfolk and knew nobody. Feeling lonely for female company, I put an ad in the local paper and Jacquie responded. Little did I know then, that that inauspicious beginning would lead to such a lasting, wonderful friendship. Jacquie was my true soul sister and as the years pass, missing her doesn't get any easier.
I remember sitting in the bus shelter by the clocktower in Holt sheltering from the rain, and 2 elderly ladies shuffled past with their wheeled shopping carts, and plastic rain hats on, and Jacquie said "that will be us in 30 years time". 
Sadly, she was wrong and it was not to be. If I had realised then, how little time I had left with her, I would have valued our friendship even more. They say the good die young and that is certainly true in this instance. Jacquie was one of the kindest, most genuine people you could ever have the privilege of knowing and I feel blessed to have had her as my friend.

I have added the music played at her funeral. Jacquie chose See you again and Enigma. In creating this tribute to Jacquie I realise I in fact I have a very sketchy knowledge of her life. So I would welcome any information.

Remembering Jacquie everyday makes me so happy. She did and always will enhance my life. Unlike a passing acquaintance, where you have to watch what you are saying in case you offend them, she was direct and blunt about my failings because I knew they came from love. The time in my life I met Jacquie was not ideal because if I met her earlier I would have been in a much better place to offer her even more fun together than I did. That is not a regret just an observation. Thank you and lots and lots of love Jacquie.