Edwige, Maggie, Kathie, and Johnny are sad to announce the passing of our sister, Joan, on Saturday, April 13, 2024. She passed away peacefully in her sleep, at her home in Florence, Oregon, where she and her husband, John, had retired.
Even after Joan was diagnosed with cancer, she never lost her no-nonsense-no-sentimentality attitude, her ironic sense of humor, her ability to move past obstacles, both minor and major. And she never slid into self-pity, modeling for us dignity, courage, and love.
When Joan decided to end her chemotherapy, the Balutansky siblings gathered at her bedside last fall. Joan joked about having lost her hair, about feeling like a young 24-year-old while her body would quickly bring her back to reality, and she revealed that when her oncologist made his initial diagnosis, he had told her that the prognosis for her type of cancer was about two years. And she felt lucky that she was still here, more than 4 years later. She said that her only wish was to be around long enough to celebrate granddaughter-Maddi’s high-school graduation. Joan may have missed Maddie’s graduation day, but she was delighted that Maddi was only months away from her big day.
During Maggie’s last visit with her, Joan dictated a short note that she wanted us to share with family members and life-long friends. Joan asked to share the note in both English and French:
English Version:
Hello, it's Joan sending you warm greetings. I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you. My cancer news is not good at this time, so I don’t want to let any more time pass without telling you how much I've treasured your friendship and support all these years.
Love, Joan
Version Française:
Hallo, c'est Joan qui vous envoie un gros bonjour. Je voulais vous dire que je pense à vous tous. Les nouvelles concernant mon cancer ne sont pas bonnes maintenant, donc je ne veux pas laisser passer plus de temps sans vous dire à quel point j'ai chéri votre amitié et votre soutien pendant toutes ces années.
Love, Joan
In the last years of her life, Joan was where she wanted to be. She loved her new home and new city. She appreciated the care and support she received from her entire medical team. She was particularly grateful for the kind and understanding care of her hospice team.
We, too, are thankful to all those who, in so many ways, gave Joan the care that distance prevented us, her siblings, from giving on an ongoing basis. And yet, even with the geographical distance, all of us —siblings, kids and grandkids—were able to spend special time with her. Thanks to technology, we could convey to Joan how much she meant to all of us, through daily chats and weekly video calls. With John at her side and the rest of us “electronically” near, we wanted her to feel the warmth of our love.
_______________________
TRIBUTES:Edwige:
Being the eldest usually comes with responsibilities. However, I never had to play “big sister.” You have all been very mature… including little Johnny.
Childhood is carefree. I didn't worry about your weaknesses because Dad took you under his wing, and it is as an adult that I learned to appreciate you. I was happy to see that you had known, through your tenacity, courage, and determination, how to build your life and your happiness.
Jopite, my little sister, goodbye.
Maggie:
Reflecting back on where we came from, a small sisal plantation and factory in Haiti, with parents from different backgrounds raising 5 kids, we were surrounded by a wide community in Haiti of family, relatives and friends that protected, guided, supported and enriched us through our journey in this world. We became who we are based on their influence.
This by no means reflects or explains how we five siblings reacted, and applied those fundamentals into the outside world that has shaped and influenced our successes/mistakes through our journeys. Our paths took us (Edwige, Joan, Maggie, Kathie, Johnny and Phito) on many different paths and to many wonderful places as time went by and wisdom settled in, our fundamentals, family and friends have protected the special bond and love that we have for each other.
As expected, but never fully prepared for, we all leave this world behind. As destiny decided, JOAN was the first one to go on a new journey, leaving us wishing that we had had more time to share, understand and enjoy each other’s company and continued to build an even stronger bond for our families and future generations. Life and circumstances gave me the opportunity to spend, live, share and travel with my “twin for four days.” We were a year apart minus 4 days :) and I might say that we celebrated our birthdays together more than half of our lives. I could write books (73 years sharing with siblings, family and friends) about all the great moments, heartaches, trips, reunions, conversations, and dreams we had on and on, but I’m not a writer (far from it) and I believe that the famous quote, “a picture is worth a thousand words” will once again, let the pictures tell many highlights of JOAN’s life—but what we share here is just like a drop in a bucket. We each have our own and unique personalities and JOAN was no exception. I “ditto “what my siblings say about her character and the pictures that will tell part of the BALUTANSKY story.
We will miss JOAN a lot, even though it is still hard to imagine that she is not just in another state… like Oregon? where I can drive along the beautiful coastline that she enjoyed. She is in our heart and our minds always.
♥️ Always M
Kathie:
As far back as I can remember, I thought of Joan and Maggie as twins. Though they were born a year apart and were quite different in temperament, they had a bond that no other Balutansky sibling quite shared. As a child —younger than they were by four and three years respectively— I didn’t share most of their activities and I was often jealous of their close connection. However, in my adolescence, when the effects of our age gap all but disappeared, I realized that it was their positive attitude and energy that drew me into the larger fabric of our mother’s family. It is also from them that I learned the meaning of sisterly acceptance, attachment, and love.
My fondest memories of times with Joan are from my summers with her in Boston, in 1970 and 1972, while she was a student at Boston University. In the summer of 1970, my cousin, Joelle, and I shared Joan’s bedroom in her apartment in Brookline. I was incredibly grateful to Joan for hosting me and gifting me my first summer in a big city. That summer I developed a thirst for everything about college life. In 1972, Maggie and Joan were sharing an apartment on Buswell Street, near the Charles River and, for the first time, I had a true taste of freedom. I was a seventeen-year-old living with college-age sisters, and I understood that I was being treated to a truly transformative experience. It was then that I decided that when I had a daughter (I never doubted that I would have a daughter), I would call her “Joan,” in gratitude. I meant it, and nearly ten years later, I named my daughter “Vanessa Joan” and asked Joan to be her Godmother.
My east-coast and Joan’s west-coast adult lives made visits difficult, but we stayed connected through letters in the 1980s, phone calls in the 1990s, and at family reunions in the 2000s. For the past 8 years, Edwige, Joan, Maggie, Johnny, and I have had almost daily WhatsApp chats and weekly WhatsApp video calls. Joan was at the heart of that connection. I can still hear her voice and the sound of her hearty laugh. Though Joan’s cancer had attacked her brain towards the end of last year, she was still sharp when we were with her last November. She will live in my memory as she’s always been—a strong and independent woman, and a profoundly loyal and caring sister.
Joan, I will miss you more than any words can express.
Johnny:
How fair is it to have to express your feelings in a couple of sentences when it should take a book? I was fortunate to have been able to say my “goodbyes.” In weighing my relationship with Joan, I can say without hesitation that my life has been better with her as my sister. Joan might not be with us now, but she will live in my memories of her, and she will be celebrated every time I talk with those who knew her—my siblings, our extended family, and her friends.
Phito’s Note:
Je vous embrasse et affections à toute la famille.
Et à Joan, au revoir et à bientôt, petite soeur….
