The day your mom dies, you will start wondering and questioning things you never imagined you would. Things you couldn't even think about before she died and probably never would have until after you lost her.
You’ll wonder where she is a million times a day from the very second she leaves and all the minutes after she’s gone
You’ll wonder if she’s somewhere nearby or really far away because sometimes you can feel it both ways
One minute you have to catch your breath because you feel her so near it’s as if you could touch her. You wake up from a dream and feel as if you just spent time with her
Then the next it’s as if you can’t feel her at all. It’s as if the day she left she went so far away that you can’t even make your memories remember the feel of her hug or the warmth in her silence
You’ll wonder if she hears you when the tears are falling so hard and you can’t catch your breath to call her name, but you’ll wonder if she hears you through the tears
You’ll wonder if she knows how much you miss her and how the days feel like years sometimes without her here
You’ll wonder if she would be here if she could
You’ll wonder if she still feels like your are her daughter since it’s been so long since you’ve spoken or hugged, you might even wonder if she even remembers you at all
You’ll wonder if she sees you looking up to the sky, searching for her in the heavens
You'll wonder if she's missing you, waiting for you, trying her best to send you signs that she's okay now and hasn't forgotten about you
You’ll wonder so many things about her the day you lose her
You'll wonder if you asked the questions that mattered the most or if you forgot to ask the right ones at all
You'll wonder if she knew just how much you loved her and how much you were going to miss her
Then one day you’ll realize that it’s okay to wonder but you’ll find in time that she doesn’t wonder at all because even before she left you, she knew a part of her would always stay alive in you
Because a mother’s love never dies even when she does and even though you’ll always wonder where she is, one day you’ll learn that she is right wherever you are because you are forever her daughter and that’s something she knew all along.
