Peg called herself my “wicked stepmother”.  Anyone who knew Peg, even if they had no appreciation for sarcasm, understood the joke immediately.  The opposite was true, this tender hearted, kind and virtuous woman was my Bonus Mom.  My father loved her dearly and took her children into his heart as his own. Following my dad’s lead was easy; the blessings that followed enriched my life and the lives of my family.

During the early years (70’s), Sundays were family days. Dad and Peg would pack us up and we would spend the whole day together, from early morning right through the evening. Local Parks along with my grandmother, Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. Day trips to Deep Run Park or Vine Valley in Canandaigua.  Hamlin beach, Braddock Bay State Park, Stony Brook, Letchworth, Niagara Falls, and Sherkston Beach.  Roseland Park, Sea Breeze and Olympic Park. Museums, Art galleries and concerts. In the winter months they would take us skiing for the weekend at Bristol or Kissing Bridge.  And, no, neither of them skied. If the weather did not cooperate, bowling was a favorite activity.  One Sunday as a pre-teen I pushed ahead excitedly to the front doors of Brighton Bowl, I was stopped in my tracks as my father’s firm hand gripped my shoulder, “Ladies First” he told me.  We were taught respect, and love followed naturally.

Some years we would rent a cottage on Canandaigua for a week together, and it was there one summer evening that my father told me the news, he and Peg were getting married. I was about 12 years old, and I cried when I heard this news. Unconsolably.  I had no idea why I responded this way; I didn’t know what I was feeling.  Many years later I learned that young children of divorced parents have an underlying dream for their mom and dad to be reunited.  I’ve thought about how hard it was for my dad to see me respond this way, but think for a moment how difficult this must have been for Peg.

But life’s challenges were no stranger to Peg.  Having raised her five children as a single mom, she was a strong woman who faced difficulty with courage and grace.  Our relationship grew over the years and I truly had a Bonus Mom.

As a kid, Peg quickly learned my love language.  I was a picky eater and she would accommodate and make sure I was fed food that I liked, even it meant cooking something separately.  As an older teen and young adult, she loved me like her own and always listened intently to whatever was on my heart, providing love, support, and sage guidance.  She also never hesitated in calling me out if I was off base. 

In my early 20’s I moved to Vermont only to return two years later.  The “revolving door” on Westerloe was there for me, as it was for all of us.  I lived with Peg and dad for six months before finding a place of my own.  Peg laid out the house rules, and our relationship continued to grow. 

A few years later I was over for dinner one evening when I told Peg and dad that I planned to ask Tami to marry me. They were of course very happy for us, and Peg quickly asked me where I planned to propose.  “Not sure” I replied, and without hesitation Peg suggested Thendara on Canandaigua Lake.  She told me of a small bench that was situated on the lawn in front of the restaurant overlooking the lake.  Done deal. Thank you, Peg.  Tami was welcomed into our family with open arms and loving hearts.

When Tami and I bought our first home, we were displaced for one month between the end of our rental lease and the new home’s closing date.  Once again, the revolving door was opened for us, but not entirely.  The line was drawn with our two cats.  We made other arrangements for the cats and moved in without saying anything about the two little birds we kept in a cage, hoping they might go unnoticed.  Problem was, they were not quiet birds.  “What’s that chirping sound?” No, the birds were not evicted, and neither were we.  We laughed about it together for years to come.

When Dad passed away, almost 26 years ago, Peg’s heart was broken, but once again she modeled courage and grace.  She looked after my grandmother as if she were her own mom and was always there for us in small ways and big ways.  She was there at the hospital when our kids were born and “Gramma Peggy” became a stalwart fixture in their lives as they grew up, joining us for birthdays, Holidays, and no occasion days; taking the kids to the Strong Children’s museum, The Lilac Festival, and countless other outings. 

In her later years she had boundless energy and kept a very busy schedule.  We learned that if we wanted to get together it required advanced planning, sometimes weeks in advance. She embraced life with enthusiasm and courage.  For several summers we went to Seabreeze for a day with my sister Cathy and her husband Peter, and their kids Sarah and Nick when they would come to Rochester to visit. I have pictures of Peg, 80 years old, riding the Jack Rabbit and other rides!  We marveled at her youthful ability to enjoy life to the max.  39 and holding was her mantra.

So to my “Wicked Stepmother” today I say thank you.  Thank you for loving us. Thank you for showing us how to love each other. Thank you for showing us how to embrace the joys of life and how to tackle the sorrows. Today we mourn as we say goodbye, for now. And as we look ahead, we will try our best to live with enthusiasm, courage, and loving grace as you did.  Godspeed, my Bonus Mom.