September. you wont be here. broken plans that were made by you.

life cheats and has no mercy.

When Martha was taken to emergency and was going to be put out to be sadated, she was looking around with fear looking for me , the doctor asked me to assure Martha all was going to be ok, I told her everithing was going to be ok and she trusted me, and nothing went ok, I can still see her face asking what was happening, I  hold her hand and told her everithing would be ok, I'm so sorry Martha. I wish I could had done more for you. This was not supposed to happen, if any one was full of life, that was you. I MISS YOU more every day.

I LOVE YOU!!!!

My heart is broken. Trust me, thats not just expression, I felt it, every single bit breaking from whole. i wish  I had the power to take her pain away those moments of her life, But i know were ever she is, she is in no pain now.

Martha I miss you so much, I miss everything about you. I still can't believe your not with us anymore. Is gonna take us a while to get use to the idea of you not being with us, however nothing will ever be the same without you. We will try to make thing as normal as possible, because you left us so many good things to remember you by.You teached me so many things. I will follow your example of being a good mother,grandmother,sister,friend.I have also learned and accepted that your in a better place and that this life is just to prepare us for eternal life, we will meet again someday. <3

on March 12th 2011 martha checked out, she left not wanting to leave us, she was a person full of life to the fullest,  how can you grieve to someone that you knew so well how much she wanted to still do in life, to know we had made plans for March, you know she was the person that if you were in her life, she would make a call every day at least, but for sure she would call me every Saturday early morning to wake me up and make sure I had breakfast ready or she would make sure Gustavo would deliver her special, we call Red Soup. Today was the first Saturday I did not hear  tthe phone rang, it was 10 am and I woke up wondering why you have not call yet, I went thru my ID missed calls to call you back, til I realized you were gone, NO,  I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND GOD's plan as everyone keeps telling me, right now, GOD forgive me for my thoughts, but I do not understand how our father can allow so much pain, how you allow nor one person but all of us who loved Martha to go thru all the suffering, and still what awaits us without her, this is so much pain to handle.