Sabrina-   

Not an anniversary to commemorate, but this will be ten years to the day you passed. I still can’t believe the events of this day in 2013 happened. In some ways, the numbness never truly disappeared. The morning, still etched in my brain . . . still, so many questions unanswered. I still question the ‘What if I had known you were struggling?’, ‘What if I investigated what was happening earlier?’, ‘What if I had called for help earlier, would you still be with us?’, ‘What if we helped you on Saturday?’, ‘ What if . . . . .’. The list goes on and on, my heart just breaks. On top of it all, I still question, ‘Why were you taken from us?’. No answers!!!! I’m just left wondering and dealing with the unknowns.

I found a poem that truly describes what I went through on December 1, 2013 . . . .

The death of a spouse or partner is different than other losses, in the
sense that it literally changes every single thing in your world going
forward. When your spouse dies, the way you eat changes. The way
you watch TV changes. Your friend circle changes (or disappears
entirely). Your financial status changes. Your job situation changes.
It effects your self-worth. Your self-esteem. Your confidence. Your
rhythms. The way you breathe. Your mentality. Your brain functions.
(Widow/Widower Brain?) If you don’t know, consider yourself, lucky.
Your physical body. Your hobbies and interests. Your sense of
security. Your sense of humor. Your sense of individuality.
EVERY. SINGLE. THING. CHANGES.
You are handed a new life that you never asked for and that you
don’t particularly want. It is the hardest, most gut-wrenching, horrific,
life-altering of things to live with.

Please know that I’m not trying to ‘blame-you’ or minimize your passing, just knowing that a part of my soul is gone and the process I have gone through as I engaged in this emotional transition. I would like to believe that if you were present to this day, we have weathered the storm, continued to experience life together, and plan look forward into the horizon as a couple. From day I met you (August ’95), I had hoped we were to become soulmates, which did come true, and will never depart. On our wedding day, I pledge to our lives forever . . . spiritually, that never changed to this day. I have always loved you, will continue to do so until my time expires. Nothing will ever destroy that feeling, you’re always within my heart!

It's true, hard to believe, Bryce is a FRESHMAN in high school. I challenged him this year with his course load. He is taking 2 AP classes, 3 Honors classes, and 1 Dual- Credit class. Yes, I know, why am I exposing our child to a schedule that is unnecessary. Well, your child aspires to attend a top-notch college and they will need high-end classes for him to demonstrate his abilities. This is the way to go . . . . I’m proud of his tenacity and he has been hard at work demonstrating his abilities to be laser focus and succeeding. Bryce has currently produced 5 As and a B+ thus far. I’m sure you would be proud of his work ethic and ability to match the challenges of a rigorous schedule. In fact, these courses is the result of Bryce maintaining straight A’s in junior high school. When he graduated from Keller Jr. High School, he was one of 20 students (graduating class of approximately 300 students) to obtain this honor. A truly outstanding feat in my book!

His course work includes AP Human Geography, Ap Computer Science, Honors/Accelerated Algebra 2, Honors English, Honors Biology, Native-Speaking Hispanic (Dual-College Credit), and Wellness. As I mentioned above, he has been working hard and putting in the time to do his best. The only problem with that, is I’m trying to help him understand that he also needs to be involved in high school life through a club or activity. A work in progress, but I hope to have a break-through moment sometime this school year. Either case, I know he is working hard, and he continues to impress me with his intellect daily.

Speaking of talents, Bryce has continued to produce on the field. He played travel ball with Northwest Travelers – 14U and his team consisted of hard-working ballers.  Sure, there were times when they didn’t look their best, but other times they really shinned. For instance, they were playing in a tournament in Freeport (being the #7 seed), they ousted the #1 seed in bracket play, ousted the #3 seed in bracket play, and almost made it to the Championship game. It was a sight to behold. Also, the team did well in the out-of state tournament, Grand Rapids, MI, producing some solid play and working through some talented teams in bracket play. Unfortunately, things didn’t pan-out in the end, the team worked hard and left it out on the field. Lastly, the team did an amazing job in Divisional Playoffs (higher bracket, #8 seed), ousting the #9 seed, #4 seed, and the #1 seed to be an inning away from being a part of the Championship game. Sure, there were many high and lows with the season, but our son improved throughout the season, too. He was nominated for MVP honors in a tournament, his second consecutive year for this honor. Bryce opted out of playing in the MVP festivities this year, but the acknowledgment of back-to-back years is amazing.

His play at first base produced many memorable moments throughout the season. Bryce has continued to learn the game, be observant, and produced some astounding ball movement to garner outs all over the field. He also has dabbled in the outfield and provided a huge asset in the defense for his team. Though, his biggest continued passion and focus has been being a pitcher. Out of the 16 games that Bryce pitched in, he had maybe two games that didn’t work out the best. However, as the season continued, his velocity, accuracy, and confidence grew. There was one game, late in the season, was a pitcher’s dual up into the 3rd inning and Bryce was taking care of business. The team had his back, scored runs late in the game, allowing minimal pressure for Bryce to pitch 4 innings of amazing baseball. He ended up with 8 strikeouts among 12 hitters enroute to a huge win against a team that underestimated them from the beginning. For the season, Bryce ended up with 45 strikeouts, which produced 3 seasons in a row, of approximately 50 strikeouts. Given that each year, the talents of the kids do increase, the challenges of producing strikeouts is equally difficult. Bryce has produced amazing qualities as a baseball player and I’m sure he will continue to develop his craftsmanship in the game of baseball.
Bryce also took the opportunity to participate in Conant’s summer sports camps this year. Believe it or not, Bryce participated in the golf camp (also, baseball). At first, he was not fully vested, but as time wore on, I think he was getting his groove. In fact, by my urging, he did tryout for the Conant’s golf team in August, making it to the final rounds. Unfortunately, he didn’t make the team. But, I think the golf-bug did catch has Bryce has gone out several times with friends to play rounds of golf, each time getting better as he played. I’m hoping he will continue to play and perhaps truly develop a love for the game and it may lead to other opportunities in the future.

Meanwhile, Bryce continues to hit his workouts, getting stronger each week. He also participates in ‘classes’ at Fastball USA. He will be playing for them next summer (2024), while hoping to make the high school team in the Spring. Given the opportunities between academics and sports, Bryce has tackled each area – head-on! Sometimes he grumbles, express his frustrations, and dislikes me for putting him into situations . . . . but his tenacity of being successful and growing is always evident. I’m sure you’d be proud of him . . . I am!

Not only is your oldest son an art in the making, Blake is a Picasso in the works. His abilities in academics, language, athletics, and personality will have you amazed! Oh where to begin . . . . Blake has done an amazing job finishing up 5th grade. He excelled in all areas with little to no issues. He continues to do well in Math, Writing, and Spanish. All of his teachers carried over from 5th Grade to 6th Grade. Though Blake does enjoy being with Mr. Baez, it does come with (almost) daily news of something. Regardless, Blake continues to demonstrate high levels of academic success. It also goes without some sadness that Blake will be completing his elementary program and moving on to junior high school next year. He will continue with the Spanish Dual Language and hopefully participate in the Discovery program, too. Without a doubt, I’m sure he will complete 6th grade with high marks! Oh, I almost forgot, Blake continued the tradition of participating in Math Olympiad in 5th grade. He had to best his brother and received a PERFECT SCORE from October – March (I believe that 6 tests) on 5 question submissions. Blake is always trying to one-up Bryce . . . but either way, proud of his accomplishments!!!

Blake has continued to grow within himself and displays a high level of athleticism. Last we checked-in, he was playing basketball with the Hoffman Estates Park District. Without a doubt, he led the team in many different categories, played aggressively, and worked hard all season long. Competition was fierce, playing 5th and 6th graders in the same league. The team did okay in the post season, winning two games, but wasn’t able to advance past that. Also, Blake was selected one of two by his teammates to represent in the All-Star game at the NOW Arena. It was a fun experience to play on a professional basketball floor and go against other players at his level. This year, we have ventured into the youth feeder basketball program at Conant. He was selected to play at the silver level and already played a couple of games. This is a step up for him and I’m sure he will endure some growing pains with this experience. Nonetheless, I hope he learns a lot and help him grow as a baller.

Not to be outdone by basketball, Blake has shown some tremendous growth in baseball. He continued playing for Streamwood Stampede and worked out from January thru October. He played in 68 games, consisting of regular season, fall ball, two post seasons championships, three tournaments, and several exhibition games. In all, Blake has produced some amazing stats through hitting, running, and fielding. I’m sure you are aware of his accomplishments and proud of the player he has become. Hopefully Blake will continue to develop, get stronger, and grow within the game. Though, he won’t be playing for SS next year, decided to jump to Northwest Travelers. I believe Blake will continue his development and be enriched in a new experience. Luckily, the organization will attend Cooperstown, which should add another dimensional experience to the game. I’ll keep you posted . . . .

Well, I hope I caught you up to speed on the boys. Currently, COVID has simmered down, but still floating around. The world has opened up, but there’s still some craziness happening. We did some more traveling this past year between sports and personal endeavors. The boys and I have ventured to Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, and a few trips out to the country. Not sure what is in store for the coming year, but I believe we will be heading out to Florida, Iowa, Michigan, New York, and a few other places.

I, um, what else can I share? My heart is truly broken that you haven’t been with us these past 10 years. I don’t know if anything would have changed or if our lives would have taken a different direction. In the end, it doesn’t matter, it truly sucks! I see so much of you in the boys it’s painstakingly sweet. If I could turn back time, be with you, and had helped you possibly overcome your passing; I would. However, I (and the boys) keep pushing forward, carving out the best scenario for our future. Always keeping you in my mind, heart, and soul! I love you, Sabrina . . . . always have, always will!!!!!!

Your Loving Husband-

Ari


Missing Love

Our angel, missing you daily.

We may be apart, but you are always in our hearts.

Memories we have cherished, will stay for eternity.

Though you are in heaven, your spirit lives daily.

We see your beauty in the skies.

You are always loved and never forgotten.

Missing Love

Dearest Sabrina-

As we enter the 9th Anniversary of your passing, a lot of events have occurred this past year. First and foremost, the boys and I think of you often and miss you daily. We wish you were here to celebrate, cry, laugh, and sigh to all the activities the boys and I were involved in. Our hearts still ache, but I constantly see a part of your soul in Bryce and Blake!

The boys continue to excel in almost everything they are involved in. Through academics, sports, and in life in general . . . the boys have shown poise and success. I’m sure you would be proud of them in any manner, but they have worked so hard to achieve their goals and be as successful in their endeavors!

Bryce continues to strive in junior high school. He continues to partake in the Dual Language Spanish program and has gained quite a bit of momentum in his understanding of the language. I truly hope this investment will pay-off in the long run. In other academia content, Bryce has continued his mathematics knowledge in Algebra I and Geometry. As I mentioned before, I think he truly been gifted with mathematics and technology. In fact, he has produced some interesting projects in STEM I/II that has garnered huge support from his teacher. I believe that one of his current projects is being entered into a competition for junior high students. Fingers crossed on that! As for his other subjects, Bryce has done an excellent job maintaining his academic thirst and achieving high marks. He earned Straight A Honor Roll for 7th grade in all three trimesters. He has continued his academic pursuit with straight A’s in the first trimester of 8th grade. In all, I think Bryce is destined to be on the high track entering high school. Speaking of . . . . your oldest baby will be heading to Conant HS next fall! Yep, a high schooler, UNBELIEVABLE!

As an 8th grader, Bryce was lucky enough to participate in the Washington DC trip. I know he was adamantly against going, but in the end, I believe he had a good time. The trip hit all the major memorials and a couple of other venues. They also went on a dinner cruise on the Potomac. In all, from Friday to Monday, the group was on the go, all the time! Hopefully this experience was positive and Bryce garnered a better understanding of our US history.

Oh, I forgot . . . . Bryce and a partner of his built a bridge out of various supplies in 7th grade science. In the end, big washers were used on the bridges to see how much they can hold. Out of 168 bridges that were tested, Bryce and his partner held 138 washers. This placed them as the strongest bridge in the entire school! An unbelievable accomplishment for our son!

As for sports, Bryce has dabbled in basketball and participated in the 7th grade Basketball Team. As I mentioned last year, they had a great season and the team had the best regular season record, ‘winning’ the Conference. Though, their post season run was a struggle and they ended up in 4th place overall. Despite the unfortunate post-season outcome, I think Bryce had a lot of fun, made new friends, and picked-up a few elements in the game of basketball!

Now, to the most important thing your son is currently into . . . . BASEBALL! Bryce’s season with Northwest Travelers has been some amazing highs and unfortunate lows. In all, I think Bryce has developed into a strong player and continues to learn the game. He has experimented with his pitching, but continues to rely on his fastball. I’m hoping he will gain the confidence to throw a variety of pitches has he continues to experiment, gain confidence, and ‘hone’ his skills. With this, Bryce did accomplish a feat of back-to-back seasons of 50+ strikeouts! I’m sure you are smiling ear-to-ear for this news! On top of his pitching, Bryce has been a very solid fielder at first base, committing about only a handful of errors. He continues to improve his skills and works towards a higher level of 1st fielder development. Lastly, Bryce have worked hard on his hitting and has shown tremendous growth in this skill. In fact, towards to end of the season, Bryce has hit a couple of doubles and two triples. Through it all, Bryce continues to make strides and improve daily as he steps out onto the baseball field!

Your little Bug-a-Boo isn’t so little anymore. I know, I know . . . you probably want him to stay small forever! However, he continues to grow into boy who is very spirited and has tons of energy. Every time, I look deep into his eyes, I see you. Blake continues to be astounding and amazes me at every turn!

Academically, Blake continues to strive in his classes. His ability to be laser focused, give it his all, truly awe-striking. Blake works diligently in all subjects and continues to garner praise from his teachers. Yes, he continues to learn Spanish and improves daily in all contents. In fact, Blake wrote a beautiful narrative of me and entered his speech in a Spanish Contest within the district. Not being bias, he was shortchanged in the judging, but I was told that he did a PHENOMENAL job. Proud of his accomplishments and his willingness to step out of his comfort zone. Blake is on a path to take responsibility for his education and take the world by storm!

Speaking of storms, Blake has ridden a tremendous wave in baseball. From Fall 2021 to Fall 2022, Blake has played on 6 various teams. During that time, he has accumulated a 70 – 6 record. He partook in three undefeated season, played in three championship games, and won two championships. As a contributor to the various teams, Blake has hit a couple of homeruns, triples, doubles, and so forth. His ultra-human power has been his base running. With lightning speed, Blake has stolen approximately 200 bases. On top of his offensive attributes, Blake has made numerous play all over the field. More noticeably, short stop and second base. He has made amazing catches and throws to various bases (also various parts of the field) to get a runners out. Lastly, (no at all least) your son is an amazing pitcher. In most of the games he has pitched, he will strikeout batters to quickly retire an inning. There was one game, Blake only threw 7 pitches to end an opponent’s at-bat. Blake demonstrates an incredible amount of knowledge and gutso in baseball that simply can’t be “taught”. He is instinctive and he attributes those skills from his older brother!

In addition, Blake did play basketball with the park district during the winter months. He contributed to helping those who weren’t as skilled, while working his magic on the court. He was a proficient scorer, leading the team in points. Blake also hustled as a rebounder, despite his size, and was able to help the team both offensively/defensively in this area. As a whole, we had a roller-coaster season, no playoffs were played, but in the whole scheme of things . . . .Blake continues to grow and learn.

As we enter your 9th Anniversary, life continues to move forward. We faced many events this year, which I have witnessed with tears of joy, a little laughter, and sometimes with a broken heart. With every triumph or unfortunate break, my mind and heart always turns to you. I’m sure you would be elated with joy seeing your boys have so much success in their endeavors or share a tear when things just aren’t going so smoothly. You may not be with us physically, but I hope you are spiritually. I can’t thank you enough for providing us two wonderful human beings and it shows they are truly a part of your soul.

As for me, it’s been a challenge! I continue to face the days as they roll by. Trying to figure out how to push forward without you. It is true, a part of my heart died when you passed. I’m not the same person and I’m forever changed. I try to do my best daily and hope I have abided by your ideals. You will always have a place in my heart! Forever remembered, never forgotten!!!

Truly Yours-

Ari

My Sweetest Sabrina-

It has been eight years since your last breath and not a day has passed that I haven’t had a memory or recollection of you. As one believes, each passing day, life would be easier, and the pain would lessen. To me, I still miss you dearly and continue to struggle daily without your presence. Especially at times which we have recently experienced, I have felt very isolated and (at times) desolate with the world around me. We continue to deal with COVID-19 and at times, I wonder how to push forward and make best of an incredibly difficult situation. Hoping a mystical whisper of your soft voice allows me to find the path that best fits the boys and I.

As I mentioned, we are still in a pandemic with Covid-19. Luckily, a vaccine has been developed among several manufactures and has been provided (by the government) free to the public. The roll-out was slow and broken up into phases. Extending to adults and established conditions/professions in the early part of the year. Then, the vaccine was made available for individuals aged 17 – 12 by late Spring / early Summer. Which was followed by late October, with vaccine allowed for children 11 -5 years old. Masks are still highly suggested and keeping in mind the level of proximity you have with someone while being indoors and/or outdoors. However, the choice to wear a mask and to be vaccinated has truly become a political fight more than a personal choice. Honestly, the world has gone crazy and has led people to make some unsavory choices regarding their behavior. Unfortunately, (approximately) ~800,000 deaths have occurred in the US due to this virus. It’s unprecedent times and it is far from over!

After weighing the pros and cons, I went ahead and received the vaccination and the boys are vaccinated, too. I firmly believe in mask wearing, dependent on the circumstances involved, also respecting various parties and their choices, but never sacrificing the health of myself and the boys. It has been incredibly difficult to deal with and carefully navigating the various thought process that has floated around. Simply - - - - it is insane and madness. Despite everything, the world has cautiously moved forward to a new sense or ‘normalcy’.

Bryce has pushed forward in school and finished 6th grade with a tremendous sense of pride. He returned to in-person learning in January and worked hard to finish his elementary years with high marks. Working hard in Spanish, high-level Math, and continued pursuit of the Written Language. You would be proud of his academic accomplishments and receiving all A’s. I know the Spanish was an issue over the years, but he worked hard to meet and (in some areas) exceed the benchmarks that were required of him. Without a doubt, I’m proud of his academic accomplishments!

Would you believe, your oldest baby is in Junior High School?!? Given that he really didn’t have a formal transition, he has stepped up and took the bulls by the horn. It seems like he might have struggled a little, but eventually took everything in stride and had a productive 1st trimester. I’m sure you had no doubts, which I didn’t either . . . . Bryce received all A’s and made the straight A High Honor Roll. He really enjoys his Science and STEM classes because of the new and exciting ‘things’ they can do. Math (Algebra 1 – 8th grade level) is probably a close follow-up, but he has a really, tough teacher. As you know, LA has been a challenge and his least favorite, but he works hard and hasn’t faltered! He continues to work on his Spanish in dual-language and has grown steadily on his learning. I know his teacher continues to encourage his dialogue and attempts to boost Bryce’s confidence with the spoken aspect of Spanish.  Oh, let’s not forget PE and lunch . . . . he likes showing off his abilities in PE and doesn’t stray from exhibiting his abilities among his peers! Despite all this, I’m sure you are very proud of his hard work and continued perseverance in his academics.

Not to be out done by his academics, Bryce has truly excelled on the baseball field in his first year with the Northwest Travelers. His love and passion for the game has grown and is evident from his day-to-day demeanor. His play at first base has provided a tremendous boost for the team’s defense. It has been estimated, he only missed (count on your hand) a few balls that came his way. With every game, he works hard to provide the stability and accountability needed of a first baseman. Not only did his work ethic at first-base grew, but pitching is his true love. Bryce started out in a relief pitcher role when the season started but moved into the starting role around mid-season. His presence on the mound led way to a team high of 50 strikeouts and an ERA 4.30. I’m sure as I write this, Bryce feels that wasn’t a great stat and hopes to lower his ERA to below 2.0. He is so hard on himself but works toward his goals and improves daily. 

Unfortunately, due to COVID, Bryce didn’t play basketball with the park district in early 2021. However, he did make the 7th grade Junior HS basketball team and they have done well within the school district. As of current, they hold the best record and hopefully in a week’s time, they can attain a District Championship. Though Bryce isn’t a starter, he has provided his team a lot of support and have stepped in when asked. I’m glad he took the opportunity to join them and make the most of the experience.

Your Bug-a-Boo continues to amaze me daily. Blake’s achievements in the 4th grade classroom is bar-none, astounding! There have been brief thoughts about moving him up a grade to try and match his academic abilities, but I don’t think that would be the best move for him. He is now working on 4th/5th grade math. He continues to do well in his other subjects, earning high marks. In addition, he has also gained an incredible amount of discipline in Spanish and never shy away from the challenges of learning. His accomplishments in school, has garnered him straight A’s across the board. His utmost favorite class is gym, because he is so athletic and excels in almost any activity, he is involved in. Blake is following in Bryce’s steps and is involved in Math Club and coding. As usual, your Bug-a-Boo works hard and plays hard; leaving everything on the “field”. 

Speaking of athletic accomplishments, Blake has been a terror on the baseball field. He has been very dominant at SS and as a Pitcher. He played for two different organizations this past year and been just a terror! Blake played for the HEPD N60 program for the Spring/Summer. Unfortunately, the program didn’t live up to the expectations we had hoped for, but Blake displayed some amazing play during the season. A few times, Blake would have to play cut-off into the outfield and was able to throw out runners at 2nd or 3rd from afar. Also, he has been able to make some amazing catches or knock balls down while playing SS that makes one think he is ‘super-human’. Not just in the field, but at the plate, he hit three triples in the last four games of the season. He was then recruited to play for Streamwood and he continued to establish himself as a high caliber contributor to the team. Amazing work at SS, pitching (he has an arsenal of pitches), and running! His coach loves Blake’s speed and his level of baseball concepts when running the bases. Blake demonstrates skills that are natural and simply aren’t taught. The Streamwood Fall Ball went undefeated with a record of 12 – 0! This group of kids were truly astonishing and so supportive of each other and I look forward to Blake continuing his baseball pursuits with the Streamwood organization and continue his amazing style of play.

Sabrina, the days without you have continued to be a struggle. Trying to survive this pandemic and all the daily struggles have been a tremendous undertaking. I wish I could hold you in my arms and just be able to ‘escape’ within each other momentarily from our troubles. But reality quickly settles in, and I face the true fact of what lies ahead for me and the boys. I have done everything I can at the moment and keep things at status quo. My only hope, I’m meeting the expectations we have set forth for our children and I haven’t disappointed you. You are always on my mind, my heart cries in silent, and I’m always yearning for your touch. You are missed every day and you are always within our hearts!


With Love,

Ari