- 18 years old
- Date of birth: Oct 18, 1986
- Date of passing: Sep 28, 2005
|Let the memory of Shandi be with us forever|
This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Shandi Griffin, 18, born on October 18, 1986 and passed away on September 28, 2005. We will remember her forever.
Our broken link
Shandi Rae was born on October 18, 1986. She came into this world kickin and screamin,, She was my 3rd child and the wildest, spunkiest of all.. She was happiest when she was making someone laugh. She cared for everyone she met and gave her friendship to many. Not that it always stayed that way if you crossed her. Her friends knew her as the one that would scrap with the biggest, as long as she was getting her point across. She was not scared of anyone or anything.. This included her brother and sisters. Her smile and laughter was what kept us all going in tough times. She brought a beautiful baby girl into this world one year before her passing. Camrenn Carol. This little girl lives on in her mother in every way shape and form. Her face, her smile, her voice, her walk, her smell.. It is like Shandi all over.. She will never get to know her mother and know how wonderful she was.. Cami watches her memorial video over and over with little tears flowing. Grandma.. when will I get to be with my mommy? As a grandmother, my heart breaks knowing she will never get to enjoy special mommy moments, birthdays, 1st day of school, mothers day and giving her mommy that plaster hand that says I love you mommy, her prom, boyfriends, a wedding and her children. Her mommy will have to enjoy her from Heaven.
Shandi's life was cut short on Sept 25th, 2005 when she was shot by a meth addict, drunk that she thought was her friend.
She stayed with us for a few days where we had to watch the life in her slowly slip away. Now came the time for choices... the choice a mother should never have to make.. a choice that no mother could ever imagine. It was the worst slap in the face a person could have. It was right in front of me. Knowing Shandi's life would never be the same as she would never wake up, she would never laugh again, she would never cry again. She would never be able to enjoy her daughter. I could have her body..but not her beautiful living soul. Her baby daughter would have to watch her lifeless body stuggle to stay alive because I did not want to give her up.. I could never watch her live this way so I had to make the decision to give her back to God. As much as I was swearing at God for doing this. I knew I did not have a choice..I could not battle God over her as he was taking his child back to fulfill his plan.. THIS WAS NOT MY plan damn it !!!.. He should not be taking her from us.. Its not fair..Again.this was decision a mother should NEVER have to make...We made sure some things were taken care of before I would have to watch them pull all live saving measures from her. She had a special visit from her brother before she went to be with God.. The last memory of them together was him bending down to kiss her knowing it was the last time he would ever see his sister.Her friends came to see her, Jason made sure the song "One more day" was playing for her.. as that is what we wanted.. Just one more day...NO. !! not one more day.. I wanted a lifetime with her. But this was not going to happen. The donor team was called in to make sure she lived on in others but Shandi saw things a different way. She was not going out easy.. Even with her body slowly slipping away she was not giving up. That last breath was not coming. She was not going out this way. The next morning she was still fighting.. I knew then it was time to take her home. She wanted to be at home with her family. She was not going to take her last breaths in this hospital. I made arrangements to take her home. Normally this is not what hospitals do but at this point they had no choice. I was taking her home one way or another. They complied. I was told they did not think she would make it on the trip back to Helena but I had to take that chance. I rode with them praying all the way.. It seemed like the longest trip ever.. We made it..As we approached Helena I told the guy, could you please put the sirens on.. Shandi always wanted to make an entrance wherever she went so this was her going to be her final entrance. They were happy to do this. Watching the whole town pull over and move out the way for her was almost honoring.. We arrived at home at 3:32pm. When we pulled in I saw my newphew standing on my deck with a huge angel carved out of wood, He chainsaw carved my girl. There were ballons, and streamers saying welcome home Shandi, All the kids and my friends were waiting for her.. She was HOME !! Her sisters and I spent the day with her, painting her fingernails, putting make-up on her, Just laying with her letting her know we were all there with her. Her nephew Braydun, covering her with flowers.. Knowing her time was short, there was not a minute we wanted to be away from her. Watching her slowing leave us was the hardest thing in life anyone should ever have to go through. At 10:30 pm her breathing starting getting more labored but she was still hanging in there. At one point I walked back to my bedroom to just sit alone for a minute as I knew her time was short. I made it to the bedroom and sat down when the kids started to scream at me. I ran down the hallway. "she is not breathing mom.. help her, mom save her.. please mom." those screams were like knives.. those words echoed in my head and still do.. All I could think of was to hit her chest.. It worked.. She was breathing again. I again walked down the hall. to get my breath, to try to get my wits to me, I spoke the words.. "There is going to be a time when I cant save her". Those words barely got out of my mouth and the screams from the kids started again. I ran down the hall once again, Her she was breathing was still there but only a breath here and there. As I approached her, I looked at her and the kids. I knew in my heart this had to end. I knew she was slipping away. I knew it was time we let her go... let her go to her other home. I told the kids.."its time,, its time to let her go. She needs to go... We all covered her with out bodies, Telling her how much we loved her. She took her last breath, Our hands on her heart.. We felt that last heart beat.... She was gone.. Its not possible... This is just not possible.. My beautiful daughter was gone.. At 10:55, That would be an hour that as her mother will never forget.,10:55 is etched in my heart.. Now came the time I had to call the ambulance and coroner. This was even harder as I knew they were taking her forever.. they arrived... Watching them wrap her in a white sheet.. OMG this was not happening. But it is... Our final goodbye seemed like it lasted forever.. Waching from the deck, Her being loaded in a ambulance... Our hearts were being torn apart.. As they started to drive out of the long driveway, Her sister Jerika starting screaming and running down the driveway.. She wanted her sister back..Her falling in the driveway to her knees.. watching her sister being carried away.. This site also etched in my mind forever and I am sure her's also..
Our lived changed forever that day.. A day we will never forget every second.. every word, every smell.. etched in our memory ... FOREVER... As a mom, I remember when I felt her 1st heart beat.. and then her last.. My heart went with hers... We miss her so much words could never explain.. She is always in our hearts..Her memory will live on forever. We love you Shandi Rae..
"I love you my angel. Another year is passed and I still hurt the way I did when you left me. Keep dancing with Jesus. Watch over me and your family and your baby girl Camrenn. She is as beautiful as you are. Live you to the heavens and back. Mom"
"Connie I remember that day u brought shandi home. I was on Canyon Ferry Road when the ambulance passed me. Was it last year we were in your garage talking and a feather fell out of nowhere! She's still with you and Cami from heaven! Love ya lady!!!"
"I am so so sorry!!!!!!!! I love you... peace and love from lea"
"It's hard to believe it has been ten years. The last time I saw Shandi was Christmas Eve in Helena at the little convenience store adjacent to McDonalds off North Montana, the year before she left this earth. What I do remember about that brief encounter is that she was happy and that her life was going good. I didn't recognize her at first. She approached me and wanted to share with me. Looking back, I wished I had spent more time visiting but it was late and I was driving back to Great Falls. Not much comfort in these words now I know. To her family, I am thinking of you today and always."
"I never met you, I know that you are loved a lot. Your mom is such a devoted mother keeping your memory in everyone's hearts."
"It seems like only yesterday you came to see me at my work Shandi, it's still hard to believe your gone. 10 years it's been since you left your wonderful loving family and friends, it still weighs heavy. I've seen pictures of your daughter, although I've never gotten to meet her in real life, she seems to have the same fire in her that you always did. I miss my childhood friend, the friend I used to build forts with and sing to songs on the radio. I will always remember the wonderful times we had and I'm hoping one day we will meet again my friend."
"Very sorry Connie"
"I love you my angel.... Until we meet again... MOM..."
"Here we are once again. A Place that I visit every year. A place that never in a lifetime I would have thought would be how where I would have to talk to you. As of tomorrow it will be 10 years since I have seen your beautiful face, heard your voice, smelled your beautiful perfume.. Part of my life ended that day and nothing has ever been the same..Yet I had 3 more days to watch you slowly slip away and there was nothing I could do to save you.. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about you.. something you did, how you made us all laugh and even the times we cried together. There is never a day that goes by that I don't question God, with no answers... I question myself every day of how I could have changed things to prevent this from ever happening. There are no answers.. Just more questions and constant tears.. I don't think this will ever end. I have found that the "what if's" eat me alive sometimes.. I know that you send me little signs to show me that you are here.. but I just want MORE... I want you here.. Here to see what your family has become.. Here to see your beautiful daughter growing up. Here to hug her and tell her its all right... I look at her and its like looking at you. She is more like you that you could ever imagine.. She needs her mommy and I cant help... I try to make sure your memory is never forgotten with her. Its very hard hiding the tears when I look at her and imagine you and what could have been. You would be proud of her.. You would be proud of your brother and sisters and how their lives have progressed and what they have become.. I had to realize that your passing has a lot to do with how they are now and what they have become. We have all learned how to love deeper and not take life for granted. I think back on the very moment I got the news you were shot. My friend that had to inform me, told me that the color drained from me. I know now, that was the life in me.. My life was taken when your life was stolen from you. I never imagined in a lifetime that I would have to watch you take your last breath .. to feel your last heartbeat.. No mother should ever have to endure this.. Its not supposed to happen this way.. Although nothing can be changed I still wish and pray it is nothing but a mothers worst nightmare,, I still wake up and its real, nothing will ever be the same.. I have seen other mothers go through the same and it brings it all back because I know what that mother is feeling.. I know how her heart is hurting and I know her life will never be the same.. If I could just take it all away for them.
I pray that you are happy in Heaven.. I know that you are dancing just like you danced here on earth. I know you are making people happy and have them laughing just like you did here.. They are so lucky to have you.. I only wish it were me.. Love you with all my heart my angel.. Missing you more and more. Save a place for me right next to you as someday my wishes will come true.. Love, ALWAYS AND FOREVER... MOM.."
"I miss u shandi. Can't believe u been gone."
"Welp, another year has come and gone, and like last year, missing u hasn't gotten easier, I'm just one year closer to seeing u again, I don't want to cry to much so I will finish my post with a memory, I remember the time you and I were in helmville and we were riding the riding lawn mower and the steering wheel got stuck on my belly and we went up the side of the hill and tipped over and then told dad we ran out of gas because it wouldn't start, or the time you and I painted the Helmville bar and wrote our names on the wall inside, or the time we drove thru East Helena with the dome light on so that hot guys could see that we were chicks, or on Easter when we were doing our hair at grandmas and I asked u if the blow dryer got hot and you said "I don't know, feel it, so I stuck it to my cheek only to get burned and still have scars to this day in the shape of a blow dryer!!!"
"Well it's that time of year again... I still miss you like it was yesterday.. I see you every time I see your daughter.. She acts just like you to! Love you so much baby sister!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ANGEL IN HEAVEN. We miss you more than words can ever express. As I sit here wondering what life would be like if you were here with us, I can imagine you smiling and laughing.. Making us all laugh with your crazy humor. I could imagine you playing with your daughter, We Miss you my angel.. Until we hold hands in Heaven watch over us Sweet Angel. Love you. MOM"
"Shandi, today marks the eighth year that we have had to move on in our lives without your beautiful smile! Oh my god what I would give to have you in Nikaylas life, she would love you! I die a little more every September knowing that it's just another year without you, it way have been 8 years ago but it feels like just yesterday! Honestly you feel like a long lost friend! I love you!"
"Love and miss you Shan!!! We think about you everyday!!!"
"Thinking of you today as usual. Shiann came across the woman that took you away from us so many years ago. I knew you had to be watching over Shi by helping her to walk away without making a big mistake that could change our lives forever again. We all knew this day would come. God helped us through it and I know you had your hand in on it. We love and miss you every minute. MOM"
"Sis, My heart is left with emptiness without you. I always wonder where you are and want to hold you one more time. I need my little sissy back. It has been 7 years when god called you home but you took a piece of my with you. I miss you everyday and hope that you are in a good place, and that you check on me from. I still wait for your phone call just to say I love you. I miss you sissy."
"I hate it when this month comes... Knowing it will be 7 years since we lost you. God gave you to us on loan and wanted you back.. As hard as we all fought... God won... I hope you are dancing in heaven.. You loved to dance and you danced your way there.. We love and miss you more and more each day. I so wish you would visit me in my dreams every night.. I love you my angel... and miss you"
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