We came together to bid farewell to Ad on Good Friday, 25 March, 2016, as we scattered her remains at sea. I cannot find the words to describe the rush of emotions, not just on this day, but on days where I wake up still not believing she is gone. Here's a poem that beautifully captures the kind of human being she was and will always be:



A Parable of Immortality

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
Just where the sea and the sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone says, "There she goes!"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There she goes"
There are other eyes watching her coming 
And their voices ready to take up the glad shouts,
"Here she comes!"
By Henry Van Dyke

I first met Ad in 1999 when I was doing my practicum at PLMGSS. I remember asking her advice on a literary text and was surprised when she very readily passed me her entire file of notes. What a generous person, I thought. Our paths did not cross until a few months later when, out of the blue, she asked me whether I could help out on a project she was overseeing. "What's this about and what help do you need?" I asked. She said it was the school musical for the following year and explained she needed me to help manage the kids. Later I learnt, at our first committee meeting, that the proper term for "helping to manage the kids" was Director. It was of course quite daunting since I had just joined the school less than 6 months and had never directed a musical in my life. I remember that a few weeks later, we were going to hold our first auditions and I said I had no idea how to conduct an audition. But Ad had a way of putting you at ease. "It's alright," she said. "Just go with your instincts." It was also during this time that I learnt that no script and no song had been written for the musical - it was going to be completely original. There was this gungho spirit about her, this confidence about the way she announced it that somehow you just knew she would make it happen.

Ad and I got to know each other very well during the production of this first musical "The Great I Am". There were only a few months to work on this and I remember going to her house after school a few days a week and even on the weekends. Right at the beginning, there was a great synergy. Both of us were lit teachers so we spoke the same language, understood the importance of using metaphors and symbols in the story. We complemented each other well too - she was people-oriented and I was task-oriented. Often, when I lost my cool at the actors or crew, she would step in to "harmonize" the situation later. Both of us were pefectionists and would not stop until the work was up to our standards. I remember one time, we were about to finish a song and were working in the school's teachers room. This extended to a few hours and by the time we ended, a few hours had passed; it was coming to 6AM and the next school day was about to begin!

Both of us had "healthy" egos - there was an authenticity and transparency about our conversation. For example, she would tell me directly that a particular line sounded stupid and I would tell her tune sounded so dead etc. But I think we pushed each other and made sure the result (both script and songs) was satisfactory to both of us in the end. We constantly bickered over every single word, line, tune and other matters which was even noticed by people in the staffroom. Someone once said we looked like the two old friends at the theatre in the Muppet Show who were always arguing. I remember once too when I happened to be at a CD store, she called me and we talked about some matters to do with the musical. I must have disagreed with her because afterawhile, I noticed that everyone in the store was looking at me and I realized that she had been speaking very loudly to me on the phone and I had unconsciously raised my volume at the same time! At the end of the day, we loved working with each other - it was always so much fun, even the bickering and the "shut up yous". We had great respect for each other. She would call me "Caesar" (or "Great Caesar" if she wanted something from me) and never hesitate to remind me that she was the "Northern Star" (because in the play, Caesar compares himself to the northern star i.e. brightest star).

Finally, I believe we shared a spirital like-mindedness. Both the story and songs were inspired by our life journeys and, in particular, our spiritual journeys. The song "The Great I am" was inspired by a speech we heard at the end of year planning retreat when an invited pastor spoke of how, sometimes, when the moon is hidden by clouds, it is still there, just like when God is there even when we don't see Him. Quite a number of songs were written by Ad previously (she often wrote songs to encourage close friends and loved ones) and the lyrics were tweaked to fit the story. Sometimes, we would spend hours doing research by watching musicals and listening to different songs. I remember that "Pictures in your mind" was inspired by Beauty and the Beast and "The Father's hand" by Josh Groban's version of "You raise me up." I remember introducing a song from the musical Rent that goes "Will I lose my dignity, will someone care..." and this became the inspiration for the song "Someday."

Altogether, Ad and I have worked on 4 original musicals over 16 years. We started on the 5th one last year and had written the description of ten scenes, two Acts. In June this year, she showed me the lyrics of a song she had written. Later, she texted me about a possible title. She wanted the next musical to be called "Created for His glory" to remind the students that they have a higher purpose. Ad had an unwavering love for God. She once told me she saw herself as a Barnabas in the bible who often came alongside others to encourage them and support them. Indeed, in many of the musicals we wrote, the lead character, who was often searching for her identity, feeling spiritually lost, would always be supported by an encouraging friend who would help point the way. In a way, I believe she was a Barnabas to many - her husband, her close friends, and her students she mentored. My own life has been shaped by the numerous conversations we have had and the way she journeyed with me through the different seasons of my life e.g. before I was married, while I changed jobs, when I went overseas etc. Many of the stories we shared were eventually incorporated in the stories and music that were written.

This is part of what I wrote to her immediately after the 2012 musical: "I am proud of what we have done. Deeply proud. I'm proud because everytime we do a musical, it is proclaimation of what He is doing in our lives. Our lives are books and God writes himself into the story of our lives - the musical is but a reflection of this. It has been such a privilege and blessing to be involved in this. Throughout all these years, you have been that consistent, unfailing friend, always reminding me to go home and I thank God for our friendship. Who knows what the next couple of years will bring? But I do know this - the words we have spoken and proclaimed will be a foundation for this next season of our lives because we chose to begin it with God. I'm looking forward to our next spiritual adventure together."

I would have continued working on musicals until the day we retired but our God has other plans. What an inspiration she has been! I await the day we can continue this work in heaven.