Amy was and is my sister-in-law and i loved her. That may surprise some people as we never did see exactly eye to eye; after some time and understanding we both gave in a little, and a good relationship developed.
i know l loved her and feel that she loved me also. i miss her straight forward questions that really would give you anxiety because she would ask themm.....???....
lets just say; if there was turmoil dwelling in a group of people, not matter how deep or shallow the issue, it was being brought up with all interested parties present in amy's life. She wanted no un-finished business. it would drive her nuts if two people she loved were fighting. She wanted it out so we could all have a "real" good relaxing family holiday is how i filed it away.
She was an author and a poet before her teenage years were over. Nobody could ever say she didnt know what she was talking about. Amy Szabo was and is one of the most intelligent people i ever met. i was and still am in awe of her ability to not only absorb information but understand it.
over the years we bumped heads but we both had the same goal and loved the same people and learned to like eachother.
Peace of mind is paramount in one's life ;but think it may be harder to achieve then the pain we go through to find it. "Im not giving in Amy ; peace of mind is still my goal, im just ok being crazy which i think fucks up the peace of mind thing. ....) (as i digress)".
Amy always told me she would never have kids; as a matter of fact she told me she didnt like the little fuckers. She lied to me and im glad; because Ben is a badass kid and she loved being his mom.( i still think she hated most other kids. )
Amy is alive as the day i met her. She hated me that day and was appalled by my presence, but still handed me my clothes and shoes after i jumped out the window laughing her ass off.
What i mean is we never really die. Mike and Amy made Ben, he is his own person but his everything came from them, they will forever live. Not just the science; even without children, each person leaves an everlasting impression on the world through the ones they love and the life they lead.
For everyone who misses Amy and thinks she is gone: just remember every decision you have made still has Amy's impression on it, making her immortal. shit for me; i actually hear her either laughing at me for my bad decisions and or supporting me for my good ones.
I wish i could tell her in person how i feel about her and how much i admired her neverending energy; but i cannot, but she hears me. i want to let the whole family know that i am hear to offer assistance in any way possible for anything possible. i better not get some family member i never met or cared for hitting me up for a new car or some bullshit. Those that i care for know it.
All feeble attempts for a joke aside: i am here. When i get a door it will be open to the people i love. I am a better man for knowing a beloved mom, daughter , wife and friend named Amy Szabo. I wish i could ease the pain of her loss for others ;i just refuse to believe she is gone. She is just where we all go and will be there when we arrive.
You cannot use up energy. Energy can only transform into energy of a different state. Our soul is energy so we cannot shrink or die; Only transform from this life to another time or place but no energy is lost. I will see you when they call me home Amy. Know you are loved and missed. See you then and we will laugh cause we did alot of laughing here, i assume it will be the same there.