Anniversary
Yesterday was your 4 year anniversary. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. I still want to be selfish and say that I wish you were still here with us. But I know in my heart you’re where you need to be. You’re finally with Nana and Marvin, like you’ve wanted for so long. I know you only wished for that because of your daily suffering. I would have given anything to take your pain away. Both physically and emotionally. It hurt so much to hear you cry and not be able to help. I tried with some of the emotional pain but he never responded. I’m trying to get passed it mom but it still hurts me so much to know that you died thinking he hated you. I don’t know if I can get passed that. I am trying. I will continue to try. I know that’s what you always wanted from me. No one seems to understand though. They’re not the ones that held you while you cried asking “why does he hate me so much?” They didn’t hear all the hurt in your voice. I wish I could have given you the reconciliation you so desperately wanted.
I don’t have to tell you how great Paul is doing cuz I know you haven’t left us and you see everything. I’m so proud of him. I’m never thought I’d be where I’m at now doing what I’m doing but I do love it.
I miss you so much mom. Paul and I are so proud by what you did when you passed. I know I tell people that ask me about you about the life you saved and the lives you’ve changed. I know that was something you always wanted. I honestly didn’t expect anything less from you. Giving all of yourself until your last breath. That’s who you were.
Until we see each other again I will try to be like you everyday. I love you lady