Allen another night is going by and I still can't sleep. It's only been a couple of days now but this still doesn't feel real to me. Honestly i don't think this will ever feel real. People keep trying to tell me that god has a plan, everything happens for a reason, but it doesn't help. It doesn't make it any easier. I can't believe that you are gone. I don't know how I'm suppose to live in a world where my best friend doesn't. As long as i can remember we have been there for each other. Brothers. I really don't know how I'm going to get through this without you here to talk to. If it was anybody else, you would be the very first person I'd call. Like I always did. I'd cry, and vent, while you listened. We'd talk for hours and hours. You have got me through some of the toughest times of my life. From my father passing away, and the issues in my family, to typical teenage heart break, and i cannot thank you enough for that. I hate that you had to leave us so early. Its not fair. It is going to be so hard not being able to pick up the phone and call you. I just want to hear your voice. I want to hear you call me a pussy, and tell me to man up in more cuss words than anybody else could think to say. I want to play Xbox with you, just like we used to for hours, and talk about all the drama in our lives. All that shit we went through, none of that seemed to matter when we were together, causing hell. We forgot about it all. Those were the best times. I would do anything to be able to have those times back. Brother, you were my rock whether you know it or not. You alway knew exactly what to say. You kept yourself so well gaurded with the "tough guy" act but anybody who knew you knows that you were the sweetest most caring guy. You'd always go out of your way to help someone you cared about. (Or kick someone's ass if needed). And I didn't tell you this enough, but I am so fucking proud of you. You had a rocky start at the beginning, but you turned your life around. You took everything life threw at you, and you kicked life in the ass. You grew up to be one of the finest men I have ever known. I am proud to call my best friend, and my brother. Allen, I love you to death. You will forever be apart of me. There won't be a day that goes by that you arent in my mind. I will always miss you. Rest easy.