April this is Nick I hope your reading from heaven. It's been a long year since I've last seen you . It's been a tough year for the family without you here . Every day has been a challenge. A challenge to keep myself together. Some days I'm great ,others I just want to crawl in a hole. Its hard adjusting to the thought of you gone. I go to bed every night hoping that when I wake up I'll see you and the kids there smiling .Reality sucks I know you know how I feel. I want you to know April your the best sister anyone could have. You've always been there for me and I'm sorry . I'm sorry for how selfish I was I should've been a better brother . I keep thinking that I could've helped you but I know it was beyond our help we tried our best. I should've never let that bastard treat you that way . Should've never let someone get away with disrespecting my big sister like that. I know you didnt leave us on purpose I know you didnt want to go that day.You had so much life left to live. It's hard to see you go it hurts but I feel peace at the same time I know you've got a great man up there and he will always make sure your taken care of and you have everything you will never feel pain again you never have to suffer again .You never have to feel alone again .
Alot has happened this year, so much I wish you could see with us. Alexis is pregnant ! In two days she will be 20 weeks ! We find out the gender on valentines day .I'm so honored to become a father I never thought I'd make it this far but here I am and I promise you I'm going to be the best dad I can be I will always be there for them and be someone they can count on and look up to .I will hug them extra hard every day just for you .
April you've left me so many beautiful memories that I will cherish til the day I die. We had a great childhood ,the best days of my life was just having everyone together as one big happy family. Those were the most important days of my life. I miss your smile and your warm heart April you were so beautiful inside and out and you deserved so much more. It's because of your ways that I'm trying to change mine.Changing my perspectives on life . It hurts me that your gone but with your death you've brought out a new meaning in my life. I won't take another day for granted I will not let this life I've been given waste away Im going to live my life to the fullest every day and do my best to sit back , relax and enjoy this time until my time here is up . I'm going to stop focusing on all the negative and be more positive about everything. As hard as it is I'm going to try to let go of my hate towards Eric and let it go like I know you would've done .You deserved so much more than a low life like him you were as good as it gets. It's because of you i'm trying to become a better me every day everything down to the way I walk and I won't stop until I become the best possible version of myself.. I want you to look down on me and be proud of the things I've done . Your so far but your always so close to my heart . I won't let you down and I swear to you I will take care of mom ,dad and michelle and Wayne. I love you big sis you mean the world to me I know your in a beautiful place and cant wait to see you on the other side ! Please look out for us I need you your my guardian angel .