Mom,
Immediately after you died, this world became a strange place for me. On the surface it looked the same, with mostly the same people in it, but somehow emptier, and stranger than before, sort of a bit hollow and more lonely. Things echo more.
As time goes by, bit by bit things on the surface of the world are changing, too. Gradually those changes accumulate. I don't know what you'd think of it now.
There are more and more things that I want to tell you, that I want you to hear. I somehow left behind the brash confidence of my youth; it seems now I am facing problems with no good answers. We had a memorial for you; a roomful of people attended and many wanted to speak. Dad recovered cognitively from his medical problems, and then his health declined; for a while, he kept your ashes near him when he slept, and cried nearly every day, missing you. Amy got sick. Tamara had surgery on her knee and struggles with health issues. Donald Trump was elected as president and we found that some of our fellow citizens are not who we thought they were. I took a leave of absence from my job to travel and do... nothing.
I wonder if you'd recognize me. I am mostly the same on the outside, but inside maybe not. My thinking and personality have changed some, and sometimes I wonder if my brain is different.
I am living life the best I can. I think I am making a lot of mistakes, but I don't know how to do any better. I console myself with the idea that this is normal. My priority is to take care of those closest to me, and I am trying to change my life to do this the best I can.