9yrs without you

It Hurted my Heart When Your ❤ Stopped

I cried and thought my world stopped
I didn't know how to move on
My whole world dropped and I could no longer be strong
Nothing was right
Everything seemed wrong
I wasn't angry at the world
I was just an upset little girl
Who suddenly found herself alone in this terrible dark cold world without her mother
should'ves could'ves and would'ves smothered me
Guilt, hurt, and loneliness became my company
i should've turned to God more and more
All I knew was this life together you and I would never get to explore
All I had was the memories of you that was stored
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
My emotions was floored
It hurted me down to my core
I felt as if my whole world had dropped
That pain I never want no more
Living without you is a constant, painful chore
One that I pray gets better forevermore
I never imagined a day without you and I know you didn't imagine it too
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
I felt as if I failed you in some way
There's days that the pain from missing you stays
But I know you wouldn't want me to feel and live this way
And I can still hear the words you say
giving me advice in your own special way
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped that day
I thought I was going to die right then
My hurt wouldn't let me feel nothing
To me my world came crashing to an abrupt end
If I could've I would've made that awful day go away
I couldn't no matter how hard I tried
No matter how hard I cried
No matter what I say
I know I have to be strong
And you would want me to carry on
I know God will and He has carried me through
but it's still hard living without you
Some days it's easy and some days it's hard
In between days my eyes cry and my heart falls apart
Special occasions, holidays, or your birthday I don't want to start
You will always be a part of me
Forever in my mind, my heart, and in my memories
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
It felt as if my whole world collapsed and dropped
My heart cried that day you died
I wanted to stop breathing too
All I knew was that was my last chance that I was getting to ever hug and see you
Something my heart or my mind wasn't ready to comprehend or do
That day I lost my mother and my friend
I felt as if my life had came to an abrupt end
I didn't know where to begin
The pain of losing you kept resurfacing over and over again
I just wanted this nightmare to end
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
My whole world collapsed and dropped
My heart had hurted to beat
My eyes wept
The only comfort I felt is when I slept
Because I dreamt of You
And the things we use to do
It felt good just being with you even though I knew my dreams were dreams and they weren't ever going to come true
How do I tell my heart to stop missing you?
How can I keep my heart from being in pain?
I don't have the answer to these things
All I know is that it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
All I felt was constant pain
I didn't know my world could suddenly collapse then drop and come to an an abrupt end
I never knew a hurt like that before
My heart bore so much guilt and pain that settled to my core
How do you retrain a broken heart to get over such things?
Maintaining my sanity was a task
It felt as if I was wearing a mask
So many questions I needed answered
But there was no one to ask
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
I could've died that day with you
Trust me I wanted too
Even though my heart breaks
I know God doesn't make any mistakes
i love you but God loved you even more
That I do know for sure
it still hurts my heart to know your heart had to stop
i pray God strengthens me so i can no longer feel that my world has collapsed and dropped
i pray He comforts and strengthen me on the days that are hard
And on my in between days that my eyes cry and my heart falls apart
Especially on special occasions, holidays, and your birthday that I don't want to start
i pray that He heals this broken heart like He healed me from the feeling of guilt
i pray that God builds me up where i'm torn down and strengthen me were i'm weakened
it hurted my heart when your heart stopped
I'm not gonna lie
I won't deny it still hurts my heart to know your heart had to stop

#Foreverinmy❤
#Foreverinmymind
#Foreverinmymemories
#Forevermissed
#Neverforgotten