Part 2 – The Myth of Moving On & the Reality of Moving With Grief
This article is part of our series The Myth of Moving On & the Reality of Moving With Grief.
If you missed Part 1, you can read it here Moving With the Shock of New Routines
He sat across from me, his body tight, jaw clenched.
“I’m angry at him,” he said.
Not quietly. No hesitation.
Angry at his son for taking his own life.
Jamison, was sixteen.
He had been struggling—school, emotions, the weight of things he didn’t yet know how to carry. He got pulled into a fast crowd, using drugs, spending time behind the school instead of on the field.
And he loved football.
Tears ran down his father’s face.
“We tried, offered therapy. We took him to a program. He told me, ‘I’ve got this, Dad.’”
His voice caught.
“I found him in the garage. I was calling him for dinner… he didn’t answer.”
The medics couldn’t save him.
“He had his whole life ahead of him.”
Moving With Anger After Losing Someone You Love
There’s a kind of grief that people don’t talk about. The kind that comes with anger—especially when that anger is directed at the person you lost.
Thoughts like:
How could you do this?
Why didn’t you stay?
Why didn’t you let us help?
And almost immediately after:
What kind of person thinks that?
Can You Love Someone and Still Feel Angry?
But anger and love can coexist.
Right next to each other.
In our work together, I gently invited him to consider placing some of that anger somewhere else—on the pain and struggle that had taken hold of Jamison. Addiction and emotional suffering narrow a person’s world so much that choices also narrow.
That doesn’t make it easier. It doesn’t answer the questions.
But it shifts the anger.
The Reality of Grief, Anger, and Guilt
If you’re grieving and you feel anger—toward them, toward yourself, toward the world—you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re grieving.
You can love someone deeply and still wish they had made a different choice.
You can miss them and still feel angry.
Both can be true.
Write down the thoughts you’re afraid to say out loud. Not to fix them. Just to let them exist somewhere outside of you. And share this piece with someone who may need it.
Barb Segura
4 articlesBarbara Segura is passionate about creating spaces where people can find comfort, connection, and hope through the experience of grief. A lifelong teacher and learner, she loves sharing what she’s discovered about healing and the resilience of the human spirit. Barbara finds joy in warm weather, time with her grandson, and capturing moments of beauty through her camera lens. When she isn’t facilitating or reading something new, she’s likely outdoors appreciating the simple gifts of nature. Her work reflects both her deep professional experience and her heartfelt belief that learning, love, and community help us heal.
