How to Support A Friend Who Lost a Parent: Guidance for Young Adults

When your friend loses a parent, especially when they are one of the first among your friends, it can feel impossible to know what to say or do. You want to help, but you’re terrified of making it worse. You’ve never experienced this kind of loss, and nothing in your life has prepared you for supporting someone through it. Here’s your guide: How to support a friend who lost a parent:

DO These Things

Be willing to talk about their parent. Tell your favourite stories or ask questions, even if you didn’t know them. “What was your mom’s favorite song?” “Tell me a funny story about your dad.” Their parent existed and mattered, being willing to engage in conversations will tell your friend that their grief is welcome with you. 

Show up consistently, not just initially. Everyone sends flowers the first week. Check in on how they are really doing after a month, six months, a year and beyond. Grief doesn’t end when the funeral and ceremonies do. 

Remember important dates. Put their parent’s birthday and death anniversary in your calendar. In advance of those days check in and see how your friend needs anything specific on that date. Or send a simple text: “Thinking of you and your mom today.”

Be comfortable with their tears. Never try to stop them from crying or change the subject when they get emotional. Say: “It’s okay to cry. I don’t mind.”

Invite them to things, even if they say no. Keep including them in plans. They might decline ten invitations and accept the eleventh, but they need to know they’re still wanted and loved by their community.

Offer to help with specific things. Instead of “let me know if you need anything,” try: “Can I bring you groceries this week?” or “Would you like to go for a walk?” or “Would it help if I took your kids to the pool for the afternoon so you could have some alone time?” Being helpful to a grieving friend looks like taking the responsibility off of them to ask for help and making yourself available to them when you can be. 

DON’T Do These Things

How to support a friend who lost a parent?

Don’t say “they’re in a better place.” This might be your belief, but it’s not comforting to someone who wishes their parent was still here, even if they were suffering.

Don’t compare losses. Phrases like “I know how you feel, my grandpa died” minimizes their unique pain. Every relationship and every loss is different.

Don’t put timelines on their grief. Never say or imply that they should be “over it” by now. Grief is lifelong; it just changes shape. They will feel the absence of their parent with every milestone in life that passes. 

Don’t disappear because you don’t know what to say. Awkward support is better than no support. “I don’t know what to say, but I love you” is the perfect phrase. 

Don’t try to find silver linings. This isn’t the time for any sentences that include the words “at least” like “at least they’re not suffering anymore.” or “at least you got to spend one last Christmas with them.” This phrase indirectly sends the message that they shouldn’t feel the way they are feeling and no one needs that message in grief. 

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

If you want to know how support a friend who lost a parent, then say:

• “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I love you.”
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I’m willing to listen if you want to tell me about it.”
• “Your mom/dad was such a special person.”
• “I’m here for whatever you need. Your grief doesn’t scare me.”
• “You don’t have to be okay right now. I’m always going to love you no matter what state you’re in.”
• “I’m thinking of you and your family.”

Understanding Their New Reality

Your friend isn’t going to “get back to normal.” They’re learning to live in a world without one of the most important people in their life. This changes someone fundamentally.

They might:

• Cancel plans frequently
• Seem distracted or forgetful
• Cry at unexpected moments
• Be irritable or moody
• Need more alone time
• Struggle with decision-making

All of this is natural behaviour as a bereaved person adjusts to their new life without someone important to them in it. Your job isn’t to change the state they are in or fix them, it’s to love them through this really hard chapter. 

The Long Game

Supporting someone through parent loss isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. Your friend will need different kinds of support at different stages. Initially, they might need practical help. Later, they might need someone to listen to the same story about their parent for the hundredth time. Even later, they might need support navigating milestones without their parent.

The support you can give a grieving friend is your consistent presence and your willingness to learn how to love them through this. You don’t need to be perfect at it at all! You just need to keep showing up.

If this article resonated with you, please share this with someone who may need it. You may also find comfort in Aly’s earlier piece, How to Ask Friends for Help. It gently explores how to reach out when you’re struggling — and reminds us that asking for support is not a weakness, but a deeply human need.