Today is your 35th birthday. I have spent the week in disbelief that you are not here. That loss remains as deep as ever, I will never stop missing you. Today you were remembered in England, Canada, and the US, as friends and family sent us notes and photos and flowers. In Minneapolis, our friends who watched you grow up (and some of their children who grew up with you), gathered by your trees and painted rocks--such a splash of color and memories now under those trees (see photos). In England your cousins and aunt organized a mammoth rock painting event as well. We will always remember your spirit, intelligence, passion and kindness.

Today is your birthday. It was the beginning of a great adventure so many years ago. Being new parents, we were excited to have baby Brianna in our lives. We learned it was just the beginning of exploring life with you. You were willing to listen, observe, ask questions and then go all in. Starting with kindergarten, there was a practice day where you listened and observed what to do when you come to school. After your first day at school, you were very excited to call me and tell me all about it. So mom helped you call me at work and recorded a message, “Hi. This is Brianna. I had a great day at school today. I knew where to hang my back pack and everything. Bye”. This positive enthusiasm for life stuck with you in the years and adventures ahead.

Today I visited the two cherry trees planted by Lake of the Isles in honor of your life. There are painted rocks at the base of each tree, and I noticed that there was something new, a blue tennis ball with some of the fuzz pulled off, just like Emery loves to do. There are many who were positively changed by you. I believe you are still changing people who never actually met but know of you thru the stories about you. I can only imagine what more we could have learned from you. Many are remembering you and missing you. Happy Birthday Bria!

I remember Brianna - as a beautiful little girl (who looked like her mother), a hard-working, creative, athletic high school student, and a highly intelligent, accomplished young woman. I have lovely memories of hiking with Bri (and Megan), taking her to the local diner for lunch, and watching Beauty and the Beast where she successfully overcame her fear of the beast before the end of the movie! Oh, and a few years later, sitting in a restaurant on the way back from camp, declaring quite loudly that her sister had lice!!
I am grateful to Brianna for introducing me to the poetry of Mary Oliver. I wonder what other authors she would have recommended? I have learned that she was a natural teacher and a deep thinker. I wish there had been more time to know Bri as an adult. I know I would have learned a lot from her. She would have pushed me out of my comfort zone which has its benefits.
Although, life did not give her the time she deserved, Brianna’s influence lives on in all of us whose lives she touched.

I have been thinking over the past few days how fearless Bri was. And how that made her open to all sorts of experiences and relationships and ideas. As a baby, she reached out to everyone and was never afraid to go anywhere, try anything. She went off to nursery school, not quite three, without a backward look. She was excited for every science project, history day, field trip, family outing. She made friends easily, not hampered by worry of rejection, and she nurtured those friendships with care. She loved deeply. She spoke the truth, thoughtfully, to authority. She worked passionately for the causes she believed in. She was happy to break the rules if it meant a fun adventure. And in the end, she faced her illness with courage and determination: battling the pain monster, so she could take less medication and be more present; advocating with hospital staff for the care she knew would serve her best; and educating physicians and other providers around their blind spots with respect to queer patients. Take a risk was one of her mottos, and she lived it. And as her mother, I am the better for her challenges. I am still learning from Bri.

Loving you always our dear daughter (and still reading books you might have recommended).
Mom and Dad
PS And I didn't even mention her roller derby persistence!

Thinking of Bri today and the lovely young woman who left this earthly home too early. Her spirit remains and there are many days that I think of her and the way she touched our lives. Every time I see a sunflower I think of Bri. I am looking at a bouquet right now sitting on my table in the mountains and remembering our time together at the cabin. ❤️

Bri would be 33 today, which is the age Dave and I were when she was born. How we delighted in our calm, happy baby, who even then, loved to engage with other people. (I am adding a photo of baby Bri at 6 days old.) This would have been a satisfying and exciting time for you, Bri, as a teacher--we are sure you would be making a great difference in the lives of your students and colleagues. We miss all the things you would be teaching us about justice and equity in the world today--and simply on how to be a good friend.  We continue to spread your ashes in lovely places--this year we finally got back to Little Caribou Lake in the BWCA, one of our favorite family memories, and left some of you in the spot where we all spent many hours jumping off the rock and swimming. And your cherry trees by Lake of the Isles are producing lovely fruit--we had a slice of cherry pie made by our 9-year-old neighbor Linden, who reminds us of you in her friendliness and resourcefulness. (We gave her one of your American Girl dolls to love.)  We remember you every day. Love Mom and Dad

It's hard to believe it has been three years. You are still in my life in so many ways. It feels like I can still call you and talk through life, or hear from you out of the blue. Your words and laughs still echo in my head. And they will always be there. I know you would be so proud and excited to hear about the exciting new things in my life. I miss you so much.

It has been three years. Today I wanted to celebrate the joy and wisdom Bri brought into our lives, so we invited her friends and family-by-love to the trees planted in her honor by Lake of the Isles. We did what Bri would have done--organized an activity for all to enjoy and reduce the social pressure. See the photos her aunt-by-love Jane posted of the lovely rocks the group created and visit them if you are walking around the lake. Add one if ever you want--there or wherever you think Bri would enjoy (by water is a good bet)! She is remembered, loved, and oh so missed, our darling daughter.

Bri would have been 32 today--the same age I was when I was pregnant with her. So a particularly poignant day. Dave and I just got back from a trip to two of our favorite family vacation spots--the North Shore and the BWCA. We spread a little of Bri's ashes at treasured spots: Tettegauche Lake, where Bri would jump in every time we stayed at those cabins--even in the late October chill; Pebble Beach at Split Rock, where at 11 months on our first visit to the North Shore with her, she kept crawling into the freezing Lake Superior water (there is a theme here); and Seagull Lake, where I think we canoed for the last time as a family when Bri was 16 or 18.  Lovely to have those memories in those beautiful spots.

Two years ago today in our temporary Montreal apartment we had a sweet ceremony for Bri, honouring her graduation with a Master’s in Education. It was a tribute to Bri’s determination, hard work, and passion for teaching and social justice that was enabled by her dear friends Leah and Eleanor who had made arrangements with McGill, along with Bri’s wonderful nurse Fiona, who had advocated for Bri both at McGill and the Quebec department of education. The scene was so typical of Bri’s life—surrounded by friends and partners and family, some physically surrounding, hands and arms touching, and some holding her from afar. 

At one point in the ceremony, Bri whispered “I need words,” a heart-breaking message from a woman who was so articulate, who would so thoughtfully listen, then come forth with just the right words.  So on this day, Bri, we will all give you words. We will give you words and images and the felt sense of joy and curiosity and love and compassion and courage that you brought to the world.

We will hold those words and spirit in our hearts forever.

Here is a poem that seems to breathe the loss of Bri.

The Still Life
By Mark Sanders

Now—just at that silent place,
Between sadness and gratitude,
wind-worn balances we all weather—
a cardinal leaps from a bare trim limb,
its red bloom lingering. The sun down
in deepening darkness
where night clouds consume it,
evanescence of orange and purple.

How moment passes how memory
holds. The heart must break
if it has ever felt joy. The heart must
break because diminished things matter,
and having mattered hold, still.
You were here. For us. Then break, heart.
Your fingers lie upon the pulse of our days.

Happy 30th birthday, dearest Bri. Your dad and I are doing our yearly hour by hour playback of your arrival--from when we walked in the door at Brigham and Woman's Hospital to your delivery at 6:25 pm Boston time. Such joy you brought into the world then and as you grew into a kind, thoughtful, and passionate advocate for equity. We are gathering with your "Triflin Ten" and family-by-love and Megan is gathering with your Montreal dear friends to celebrate and remember today.

August 22nd, 2018
Dear Forever Missed Brianna Louise Delagran,

On behalf of Gender Creative Kids Canada, I would like to offer my most sincere gratitude for your donation towards our organization.
Your support makes it possible for our organization to continue forward on its mission of providing peer support and resources that affirm and empower gender creative kids and their families, within their schools and communities. This heartfelt donation will help us achieve our vision of assuring that our world is a safe, affirming and joyful place for all children.
We shall share your beautiful life and stories with the children and families of our organization who love unconditionally and without judgement. Your donation demonstrates love; a love that does not sit there like a stone, but rather a love that has been made like bread, and shared, to inspire all to remake it all the time.
With immense gratitude, I remain
Yours truly,

Connie Chabot
Chair, Gender Creative Kids Canada

As a cousin of Brianna, growing up and seeing each other every family reunion was always exciting. Sharing similar stories of how your school work was going, when all you really wanted to do was go swimming in the lake - or hiking on the trail behind the campsites with all your cousins. Moments like that, as a kid, don't really seem all that significant. But as we all grew older, those moments are the ones we never forgot. Brianna taught all of us cousins how to be brave, and do your best work while still having fun. Brianna was always an adventurous cousin, and created a lot of the memories I still have to this day.

We have lost a precious soul, a calm and strong strength, a wonderful human being. As much as we might find this unfair, or to be happening too soon, she is now in a better place, where there is no suffering, and where she is shining bright like the marvellous light she was in our lives.

Our condolences to your family on the passing of Bri. Her strength and courage was an inspiration to us all. We will carry the memories of the times we spent with her with us always.

We were so sorry to hear about Brianna's passing. We'll always remember the fun the kids had at family reunions at the cottage. Our thoughts are with you.

My condolences go out to both her related and derby families.
I didn't know her, I left the Montreal league before she joined, but I feel deeply for your loss. Cancer is brutal, and takes so many people too soon.
I wish comfort to everyone in their time of loss.

Brianna was one of my favorite cousins. At our family reunions I could always count on her to go on adventures with me. We would lead the younger cousins on hikes, set up group games, and teach them things we knew about the outdoors. As a kid, I remember her being patient, kind, and willing to try new things - oh, and silly, she was always making jokes :) She definitely learned all of these things from her amazing parents. She kept these wonderful traits throughout her adult life, which made me excited to hear about what she was up to. Her fearless nature and uniqueness was something I always admired about her as a kid and continued to respect her for as an adult. I'm sad that we weren't able to go on more adventures as adults, but if anyone lived her life to the fullest, it was Bri. As I work through this difficult time, I try to remember how full her life was and how I can best emulate her fearlessness and open heart so that her legacy lives on.

I met Brianna through her father as we worked at the same company. He found out that I was getting into roller derby and told Brianna all about my adventures with boot camp. We talked on a couple of occasions during derby bouts. She was so encouraging and supportive. She laughed really hard when I told her my derby name. The last time I saw her was at the 2016 Round Robin and she looked so well. She had shared with me her plan to get back to derby.
My most heartfelt condolences to Brianna's family during this terrible time. Dave, Louise and Megan, my heart breaks for you.
“When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure”

I barely knew Brianna, but had the chance to get to know her a little bit through derby. On the first year that I tried the bootcamp, she offered to drive my home after each practice since she lived not too far from me at that time. We had a few enjoyable chats. I had to quit the bootcamp when it didn't fit in my schedule anymore, but saw Brianna again at the Beast of the East the following year, when I was volunteering. She said she was happy to see I was still involved in Derby. I said "yeah, but I wish I could be part of the league" and she said "you're still in the league, just in a different way". It really made me feel accepted and validated. This is what stays with me: she was exceptionally kind, generous and easy to talk with.
Condolences to friends and family.