Mommy... I couldn't bring myself to write here on the anniversary of your death... it took me a few days to just get to this page. I don't like facing this, I'd rather pretend you are at the beach with no phone...like in the old days.
I can repeat I miss you and I love you just any day, not just the date you really passed.
Well, I have found that although the days are the same, the weeks are the same, the months are the same... but when the calendar brings me around to holidays , birthdays and anniversaries.... life begins to feel even emptier than usual and the depression grabs a hold of me and rips me in half. It is a never ending roller coaster of ups and downs that races back around to catch up with you again, over and over, just twisting the knife in my gut.
I always worried what would happen after i lost one of you...it hurts too bad to bear sometimes. Even today, 3 days later I am still a mess without you. What really blows is that there will be no reply here from you, as if I am using messenger. I'll just listen for you elsewhere...in the wind blowing through the trees, the warmth of the sun on my face, the tinkering of the windchimes, the sounds of children laughing. All of these things bring me a sense of you. I know you are with me in spirit and I look forward to hearing the songs that remind me of you, which make me cry again. I take them as a hello from Heaven.
Not for just an hour, not for just a day... I'll be loving you, ALWAYS.
FOREVER, KAREN