To our exceptional mum (our eulogy read at the funeral
…. from Emma, Bethan and Rhys
Our Mum’s life was exceptional in so many ways.
She was a loving, caring and devoted wife, daughter, sister, mother, mother in law and Nani. She was a compassionate, dedicated doctor, colleague, teacher, mentor and friend to so many. And of course she was a determined athlete taking up marathon running, cycling and triathlons in later life.
And yet, as exceptional as her life was, she never believed that what she did was more than any of us can do.
She shied away from any sort of recognition – we would often find out months later that she had won a triathlon or running event or received a prestigious award for her work as a GP trainer.She was never one to brag about her accomplishments. She was confident; focussed on her own goals and destination – but she was humble; she didn’t need to keep stopping to tell everyone where she was going.
As children, she taught us that we could do whatever we wanted to do in life and there were no limits on what we can achieve so long as we were willing to work hard and persevere.
Hard work was a defining feature of mum. Her work ethic was like no other – you can count on one hand the days she missed off work in 40 years and these few days off were accounted for following enforced recovery periods after back and knee surgery. If the recommended recovery period following a knee operation was 3 months, guaranteed mum would be walking after 3 days.
I remember as a little girl I broke my left arm (I am lefthanded – this is important to the story). It was a nasty break and I was in hospital for a week having metal plates put in my arm. Once I was out of hospital, I was absolutely fine but was hoping for a few extra days off school so I was incredulous when mum explained that I was perfectly well enough to go back to schoolimmediately. I pleaded that there was no point going to school as I couldn’t write anything anyway. Her response…..“you may not be able to write Emma, but you can listen” and off I went to school with Mum reminding me that you “get what you work for, not what you wish for.”
As girls, she taught Bethan and I how to be independent, strong and fearless- she was an amazing role model, leading by example and showing us how to confidently be ourselves. Although the proportion of women studying medicine has made significant gains over the decades, female medical students were still in the minority when mum went to university. This did not stop mum who not only went on to be a well-respected GP, working full time at the same practice for 40 years whilst at the same time raising 3 children, she also mentored and trained countless GP registrars providing them with invaluable teaching and guidance so they could further their own careers and fulfil their own dreams.
Lots of people have said over the last few weeks that “her zest for life was contagious.” And so it was. She was 100 miles an hour, not wasting a second of life; filling every moment with family, friends, work and fun. Over the years our house at Lake Road East was a home that hosted numerous parties, countless meals, family gatherings and magical Christmas days full of food, board games, loveand laughter.
Mum never said no to a challenge and her gutsy determination was inspirational (and sometimes a little scary).I remember one year we had signed up to do the Snowdonia marathon – billed as the toughest marathon in Europe. It was late October and the weather was terrible, there was howling wind and torrential rain and significant numbers of people were dropping out the race. The idea of running a marathon in those conditions was awful and I suggested that perhaps we might want to reconsider this as, at the time, we were newbie runners after all. It probably wasn’t even safe I told her. However, quitting was never an option for mum and I remember her telling me that despite the fact that she was “so wet even her knickers were soaked through”that we were going to run it and that was that. So we did. And we lovedit and ran it again and again completing it together numerous times over subsequent years. I spoke to her friend recently and mum was apparently regaling this story about her “wet knickers”on their bike ride on the day she died – she did tell a good story!
Mum made everything fun – our long marathon training runs always ended with a hot chocolate and cake. Once she ran 26 miles to a Vineyard where she stopped for some wine tasting. This ended up being good practice for the marathon we ran in the medoc region of France a few years later, which involved 23 wine tasting stops along the course! If the Snowdon marathon was the hardest in Europe, this was definitely the longest….
Mum had a no-nonsense approach to life – just roll your sleeves up and get on with it. No messing, no fluffiness around the edges. She was “hardcore” as so many people would say yet she was thoughtful, loving and generous and always giving a little more kindness and love than was expected- because it was innate to her.
Mum treated everyone equally and was interested in everyone. She was inquisitive and curious –never afraid to ask questions that showed how much she cared. As a doctor she never gave up, always seeking the best for her patients and was relentless in her search for the underlying causes, answers, and remedies. She was always asking“what else might be going on?” to help explain undiagnosed conditions and was always going the extra mile. She undoubtedly saved countless lives.
As children, Mum was always our greatest supporter. There was a time when Bethan was competing in the Welsh Schools XC championships in the aftermath of a storm. The thick mud covering the course sapped her energy and she slid from side to side as she attempted to ascend the final incline, a narrow muddy track through some trees. Her legs felt like lead and she just couldn’t find her balance; her hopes of making the Welsh team began to quickly fade.....until Mum gave her a helping hand! She reached over the barrier separating the athletes from the spectators and proceeded to give her backside a loving, yet forceful push, helping her to scramble to the top.
In more recent years she supported and encouraged Bethan to follow her dreams and passions. She understood her wanderlust and never once made her feel guilty for living so far away. Instead, she would always look for the silver lining. That was her forte. For her, the physical distance was an opportunity to travel and have exciting adventures together. Bethan said she will never forget the times they shared a sunset yogasession on a rooftop in Kerala, getting lost in the souks of Tunis, climbing waterfalls in Okinawa, and their kayaking escapades in Langkawi.
Mum was always up for anything and would often say that she would try anything once apart from “incest and Morris dancing” which was her favourite quote, often attributed to Oscar Wilde. And Rhys can attest she stayed true to her word on this one!
Recently, Rhys has been spending his free time playing drums in a (very!) heavy metal group called “copehilldown”. Now mum certainly liked music, but more of the sort of ABBA and Celine Dion vibe. Meatloaf or Greenday was probably as heavy as it got for her.
Rhys’ band were billed to play a gig in a small venue called “fuel” in Cardiff, an exclusively heavymetal club containing all the delinquent look- a -likes you could think of. Mum was desperately keen to go, despite Rhysadvising against it as it “probably wasn’t her thing”. Rhys’band played a good set and managed to get a bit of a “mosh pit” going on. After the set one of Rhys’ close friends who attended ran up to him and said“I’m so sorry!!!” Shocked at his remark Rhys asked him what had happened and he told Rhys that mum had proceeded to enter the mosh pit area and had accidentally been elbowed by him in the face!! That was mum, always there to support and encourage her children in any way possible, even if it meant at the expense of her facial bones and ear drums.
As an adult, she became my best friend, advisor and confidante. Her greatest quality was to encourage me to make the best of everything and to face problems head on. She believed that there was no obstacle that couldn’t be overcome. Whenever I wasn’t sure about something, she was always my go to. Always. She was a problem solver…. minutes after my phone call she would be at my door saying “Right Emma…. Let’s think this through….”. She never let me down. And she believed in all of us even when we did not believe in ourselves. It is hard to believe that she is no longer here to gently persuade us to do what we set out to do with a light but firm hand on our shoulder (or bottom in the case of Bethan).
On New Year’s Day morning this year we got up early and walked to the top of the Garth mountain to watch the sunrise. We sat there discussing all the trips we would have together this year once Covid restrictions were lifted and we could travel again. I can’t believe that we won’t have another adventure together but mum, I promise you we will live life like you did! We will dream big, stay positive, work hard and enjoy the journey until the very end.
As we all start new chapters of our lives, Rhys and Jess getting married, Bethan moving to Seoul and Tomosstarting high school, it breaks our hearts that she won’t be part of these new adventures but we will all treasure the memories we have.
She was a shining example of the very best in humanity and the world is a poorer place without her. She is gone far too soon but she has left an imprint on this world that will never be forgotten.
And as for Bethan, Rhys and I….. JK Rowling said it best “Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever”
As one of her friends recently said, wherever she is, I hope she is still up at 6am to do squats and burpees before work.
Cysga’ndawel mam.
xxxx