Dear Cheistha,
Just heard that you are finally coming home. I will be seeing you after the last time we met, which was at your wedding! I cannot believe I let you leave for London with just a WhatsApp exchange. We really should have met. That missed goodbye rests heavy on me now.
We first met at the McKinsey Knowledge Center induction program in 2011. Who knew what was to come! I remember the immediate connect, the warmth, your smile, your radiance and infectious energy. I did have to wait for many months for the now famous rib-crushing hug, though!
Less than a year later, we found ourselves across the table in a Young India Fellowship admissions interview. You were both very interesting and very interested. You captivated us, unaware of the whirlwind of brilliance we'd unleashed upon the world.
I now became eligible for The Hug. And then there was the famous “Raymond Pose”, a more restrained embrace at the Founders Day dinner, such a sweet and now incredibly poignant moment captured in a photo. Pictures do say a thousand words. But, I was still “sir” to you then—I have been going through your emails. Your first ever email of 19th September 2012 asks for my inputs on your Aadhar (UID) ELM project, where Nikita (so that’s how she became a bosom buddy!) and Adityaraman are your teammates. Then you go on to make me write countless recommendation letters for you—you always aimed high! Also, I was in the exalted company of the likes of Nandan Nilekani and Sam Pitroda when it came to recommending you. I was happy to write the letters and how excited we were when you made it to the Stanford GSB interview. My recommendation finally worked for UChicago many years later:
“I believe her impact stems from a sense of strong purpose and commitment. She could have literally done anything she wanted but she has remained focused on making community and policy impact through highly diverse projects. She is tenacious and doesn’t give up. At the same time, she is a wonderful and charming professional with an infectious cheer and positive attitude, which makes it hard for people to say no to her. It is therefore no surprise that she builds very strong networks, both with her peers and with influencers who are far more senior to her in age and tenure of experience. I believe this will stand her in good stead when she returns to India and embarks on her post-Harris career. Her social capital runs deep and it will help her achieve her longer-term goals of having impact in society. She will also be a great alum for the University of Chicago, as she has been for Ashoka!
Over the past seven years, I have seen Cheistha grow into a highly self-aware person who remains conscious of keeping her professional and personal life closely aligned to who she is. Her authenticity reflects in her work. Cheistha, for instance, observed the underutilised potential of a young girl working in her office and went out of the way to understand her ambitions and finally connected her to suitable opportunities, including in my office. This is just one case. I have seen her taking true joy in developing people around her even when no one is watching, and that really speaks to me about her commitment to nurture the potential of people from all sorts of backgrounds.
Lastly, I have been struck by her learning orientation and her vulnerability. I was once teaching a course on Leadership at Ashoka University and I invited Cheistha to talk about her experiences post her Young India Fellowship days. To a stunned audience of more than 250 young men and women, Cheistha opened up publicly about her failures after YIF, how she had come to terms with some of her weaknesses and how she had made changes to her life. It was inspirational stuff and became a turning point for several people sitting in the room. It was leadership at its best and I still get goose bumps remembering it. In fact, life had further challenges for Cheistha as she battled very rough personal situations this past year and once again, I found her equanimity through it all amazing. She is quite the champion when it comes to resilience.”
I never really got the chance to tell you what I really thought of you. I hope you are reading this.
In your Statement of Purpose for Stanford where you had to imagine your future you wrote: “What we heard in that introduction is true – I am the youngest and the most “unconventional” Prime Minister of India so far. And each day, it’s only a privilege to realize that I can serve lives for a few more years.” Alas, your best was yet to come.
Of course, I was also bailing you out every so often—remember when Anu threatened you with suspension for going AWOL to present at some conference at Harvard. You were always the charmer when in trouble, the “ask for forgiveness later rather than ask for permission first” kind! Over the years, you also reached out to me when people were unfair and hurt you. “I honestly feel disappointed and wronged with the way I was…But I am taking this as an opportunity to move on to more fulfilling roles…” You would agonise and complain, but always with a smile. I fondly recall a discussion about why grown men are such @#$&*!
In 2013, you wrote me your last “Dear Sir” (we moved to first name later and finally “Boss”, though I never was your boss) email on the eve of my birthday.
“On this day sir, though, what I would like to do is make you a promise - in all sincerity, crossing my heart from here. Going forward, wherever in this world may I be, in whatever condition, at whatever age, even if you need a glass of water kept right next to you, just shout out and I will be there, I promise! As you add glorious years to your life and if you're not able to shout out due to bad throat, I'll come from wherever and give you vicks (as always). Top thought being sir - At all times, there will be at the least one person who will always be with you, through everything, because she owes a lot of what is within her to you. I promise :).”
When I responded and said you might regret your promise, you responded with a characteristic: “I will never. Regretful promises are obligations, not commitment. This is a commitment sir :).” You always did have a way with words.
Fast forward to 2015 and I asked you to pen down some thoughts for a “I wish I knew then” session with the YIF Class of 2016. Here is what you wrote:
“Wish I knew then, when I had entered the fellowship, that I am a bad listener. I had such innumerable filters in my mind wrt relevant and irrelevant content and worst still also wrt relevant and irrelevant people, that for a long time in my life I was oblique to almost half of what I was hearing.
Fellows, professors, guest lecturers and the team at YIF are very diverse and strong minds…If you don't make the honest effort of listening to them, after a point you will yourself feel a certain amount of shallowness in your mind and conversations. It's a feeling of everyone else around you growing whereas you are just the same.
It happens. It took a little longer for me but during the mid of the fellowship it happened with me too. That is when it hit me that I need to shut up, just not orally but mentally too, and listen more. I had to develop an ability to listen and learn…People gravitate to where they are appreciated, and that is possible if you listen to them—truly and patiently.”
I still use this quote in my orientation session with every YIF batch. Generations will hear them and wonder at the remarkable woman behind the message. Only now, I can tell them who said these words.
There is so much more: Anubhav Lectures, CSBC, Niti Aayog, poetry, paintings and birthday greetings. Some memories, those are mine to hold close, a small comfort in this immense loss.
Bye, boss. See you tomorrow. Some have called it your final journey. You may be gone, but the journey continues, and a promise stands unbroken.
With endless love,
Pramath