Christian is my nephew. He used to call me his “second mom.” When Christian was little he had that golden blonde hair that everybody wanted. Pin straight and so shiny it was so beautiful. He was so affectionate and so adorable.

My sister Yamile had 3 boys, and I adopted them every weekend along with my nephews from my husbands side-all ages 4-7. Christian and his brothers (Anthony & Brandon) were my nephews, but to me -they were my SONS. During the time when they were still in diapers, my sister moved into the house literally right next door. She worked very long hours because she is a nurse. I used to work a 9-5 job, so when i pulled up in my driveway, they would come running in their diapers - and they would be the first ones in as soon as I opened the door. Christian was the clown of the group. He was always making sound effects and loved to instigate.

They went "everywhere" with us; Spent every weekend with us.  As any parent knows, having a gang of boys all the time is not a peaceful life. Period. Seven to eight lunatic boys is simply crazy. Getting hurt, Digging in dirt, toys getting flung, the crying , laughing, and the mysterious broken things. But It was my life. I loved them. They loved each other. Brothers from 3 different homes that were no different than real blood brothers. They were all so different that every day was so entertaining. I learned to do things very very quickly. We spent every weekend at beaches, parks, taking mini trips, going to movies, and whatever we could conjure up that was FREE. They were inseparable. One thing we loved about Christian was that he could take a joke. We would joke with him and he never took it seriously instead he joked back even harder- cracking us up bursting into laughter till our belly hurt. He was hilarious.

Most of those years when we lived in Florida, my son was an only child, and very shy. I am thankful for you Christian- because every weekend and on every occasion, my son really enjoyed his childhood.  We were a very active family. We hiked a lot….I remember we would dress up in military fatigues that we bought for all the boys at the military thrift shop. We put war makeup on our faces, and hiked through the woods behind our house. But most days it was just a bunch of kids dressed up like cowboys running all through the house shooting each other.. Wearing sheriff badges on their shirts. It was hard to get anything done around the house without 1 boy hiding behind my back.

During the recession we moved to NY and Im sorry.  I know you were sad.  I wish I could have changed that.  But even then- even throughout high school and college, you were there playing video games with “the gang” and sharing your encouraging words. Hundreds of miles apart. I have thousands of pictures, videos and memories - and Christian is in all of it. I'm deeply spiritual so I know Christian is here right now, I know Christian is probably being a clown. I still can hear that crazy laugh of his -so deep- so intense- the kind of laugh that makes you laugh even if it’s not funny. Right now, Christian and the angels are probably sitting on the edge of a cloud cracking up laughing as I read this., making fun of me.

I will end this by saying that the Christian I know was super smart. Very smart. Honors at school. Kind, loving, sweet and motivating. He wanted to be a doctor and he could have been anything he wanted to be -but life happened and sometimes it’s not what we intend. But God knows everything, and he was waiting with opens arms, so I find peace in the fact that he is surrounded by light and lots of love, he has wings now. Christian's life should change us and teach us. Terrible things happen in life- I don’t know why. But I do believe we will see him again. We will be together again. I look forward to it because I will always have a VOID. A mother never recovers from a loss of a child.