Merry Christmas in heaven my dear sweet son...I miss you so very much, the pain never goes away, some days it’s not as hard and other days I don’t know how I’m gonna get thru. I just lost it yesterday knowing yet another Christmas I’m not gonna spend with you, the pain, crying, knowing I’m not gonna physically see you or touch you. God I just miss you, your presence, your smile, your laughter, you calling me mom or just yelling at me. Even when you would yell or get mad at me, it would not take long for you to come apologize..I love you so very much and yes I have so much guilt inside me, because I know I should have done so many things different. I wish that Thursday before you died when we came down to Lancaster to put your stuff in storage, god why didn’t I see it and just bring you home with me, why oh why dear god, why. You would be here with me today! I’m so very sorry Christopher, you should be here living out your life and fulfilling your dreams..I love you my son❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️