Megan Martinez organized a balloon launch for the first anniversary. Lot's of people came and it was a beautiful expression of how much people care for and remember Clayton. It was at the Derby football field where Clayton played with the Derby High School soccer team. I wasn't sure I wanted to do anything on the anniversary of Clayton's death but I'm glad I did. It helps a little to know that others care and that they won't forget Clayton. I think of you all day, every day, Clayton. 

The last thing Clayton's grandpa, Kenneth Akers, built  before he died was a cross to put at the intersection of 95th and Greenwich where we lost our beloved Clayton. After the cross was built and Kenny brought it to me, he and I went shopping and bought decorations for it. We planned to decorate and establish the cross together but plans often fall short of reality. Losing Kenny in July was another shock, another gut-wrenching blow.
The cross and all the decorations were in my apartment for months but with the help of Patsy Hanson Penner and Megan Martinez I got the cross decorated on October 12th and 13th and on the 13th we put up the cross at the intersection just in time to go to the balloon launch at the football field in Derby, where Clayton played soccer for Derby High School.  
Thank you for the cross, Kenny. I hope we did it justice. It's a relief to have finished this labour of love, which even so, is just a small sign of our never ending love for Clayton.  

Hillary posted this on Facebook on October 13, 2014. I hope it's okay to put it here. I don't want to lose it. 

Last winter this anniversary seemed so far away and here it is already. For a minute I thought I'd just slide by it and not put any emphasis on it. I was thinking that every day is a day without Clayton so why should this one bother me more than any other? I guess that's just the nature of an anniversary. So many people have reached out to us, the love is overwhelming and we are thankful for it and each of you. There are a million things that have bruised my herniated feelings this last year, so many milestones were so close, a magical high school soccer season, his 18th birthday, senior prom, graduation, etc... All of those things passing by have been tough, but even tougher, hearing something and immediately wanting to tell him, receiving his senior yearbook with tribute on my birthday, his brother getting taller than he was and knowing how funny and mad he would have been about that. It’s the day I realized his room doesn’t smell like him anymore, that was a crappy day. Even through all of that there have been great things happen this last year. Some of the best times have been seeing all the wonderful young men and women I have met through Clayton playing soccer, performing in plays, pole vaulting, track meets, band, running off to college, them stopping by the house to say hi, getting a card in the mail. It's humbling and keeps us feeling connected. All I know is that in life there is great sadness and there is incredible happiness and everything in between. As odd as it seems we are capable of feeling that range almost all at once. I’m going to stick with happy as much as possible! Laugh and love every day!

I and my sister, Sandy Halling, put flowers/crosses at the sight of Clayton's accident. Someone had already put a cross with flowers and his name was on the cross. Thank you, whoever did that. We are going to add more flowers and a bigger cross soon, but as Sandy and I were walking back to the car another car drove past us and a teenage boy leaned out the window and hollared "You're in our  prayers!" People are so thoughtful and loving. You are so very missed, Clayton, and so very loved, and always will be.  

Two weeks before the accident Clayton picked me up and we went to dinner together. We had a great conversation and a fun time. On the home he said, "Gramma I'm going to be eighteen! I can do anything I want!" He was so excited, so full of enthusiasm... 

In 2006 mother's day came about 7 weeks after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That year
Clayton changed mother's day to grandmother's day. He presented me with a gift that he made and
it is one of my two most prized possessions. The other is from my younger grandson, Nate.

The present from Clayton opens like a book and on the left side he drew some beautiful and colorful flowers. On the right side he wrote "Reasons I love my grandmother." Hillary assured me it was all Clayton, no one helped. I'm going to type what he wrote because it won't be clear enough to read in the picture, which, by the way, is framed by his grandfather and hanging in my living room. 

Reasons I love my grandmother
1. She encourages me when I need it most.
2. She takes me places.
3. She corrects me when I'm wrong.
4. She is fun when she speaks spanish and I can't understand her.
5. She believes me when I explain something to her.
6. She is supportive of my sport.
7. She will put aside her cancer and come to my soccer games.

And then the number 8 is x'd through and he wrote the next 3 lines:

She is the best grandmother ever
I love you grandma
Love, Clayton Matzen

I cry when I read this, it is so touching, and he was so loving, and I so love and miss him, but I also laugh at the end because he included his last name. 

This story goes back to 2005, I think. One lovely afternoon, in my home, Clayton and Nate and I watched the movie, "Baby's Day Out." We laughed from start to finish. We literally did roflol. We laughed so hard it hurt, that's not just a line. In the movie the baby is kidnapped and "held" for ransom. But the kidnappers are the biggest bunglers ever. The baby gets loose and goes on a perilous journey but is magically unscathed, while the kidnappers are bruised and beaten at every turn. In a scene that had us screaming for relief from laughter, a gorilla at the zoo picks up one of the kidnappers and throws him across the room with such force that he sticks between the bars of another cage. But we laughed so often for so many different reasons on so many different occasions. Clayton had a wonderful sense of humor, he was always ready to laugh. He saw reason to rejoice in almost everything. 

I remember a time when Hillary and Clayton came to Winfield and we spent a short time together, visiting and listening to music, at stage 2 I think. I love knowing that playing the mandolin was one of his interests. Did he play onstage with Acoustic Kids?

Clayton was my best friend from the 5th grade on, even after going to Derby. I still have his texts all the way back to November 12th of 2012
"Its gonna be okay <3 all you can control is how you handle it" I look at it every time I don't know what to do or I am upset and I read it in his voice.

This must have been one of Clayton's last tweets:
 ♻Clayton Matzen ‏@TweetsByClayton Oct 12

Tonight should be good :)

Chances are never given they're taken like interceptions

Two Clayton quotes from June, 2011

Do not go where the path may lead, instead go where there is no path and leave one.

I found out today that the founding fathers smoked pot haha.

This is a Clayton quote from July 17, 2011: I just realized that on my activities it says soccer and conspiring? I'm pretty sure I didn't put conspiring there, I don't even know what that means lol

Clayton was always teaching me something, sometimes it was overt and he knew it, sometimes only I knew it. One of the last things he taught me was how to copy and paste on my smart phone. He was smarter than a smart phone.