Two years ago today (my time in CA), I got a phone call that would change my life forever at 9:45 at night. Dad was gone, gone to heaven. It was a shock to say the least, you weren't even sick. I was so sad, and hurt. Then I got angry. I felt like you left us. You left your kids, and most off you left Clifford, only 13 years old. Then I was sad again, that I wouldn't get to see you again, or talk to you, or hug you or even hear one of your silly made up songs. I was hurt that I didn't talk to you enough, that you never got to meet Timmy, or see the young man Konner was becoming, and what was worse, you never would.
I got mad again, and this time at myself. I didn't make enough effort and being across the country was not a good enough excuse, nothing was, and now I would never have that chance to make it up to you. How could I do that?! I miss out, and because of that, my boys missed out on one of the coolest men in my life. Then I was sad again. Two years later, I'm still sad. It's easier, but still hard. Most days are good, some days are still very bad.
I can't hear th spider man theme song without hearing you sing "little man". I can't go to Taco Bell without hearing the spedo song. I became a grandma on the 22nd of January. You would be a great grandpa. Being a grandma really bring a whole new feeling to the ones I already feel about your passing.
I'm sorry daddy. I should have tried harder. I should have picked up the phone more. I'm upset that my kids will never know you the way they should. But I promise you I will continue to tell them about you. I will continue to tell them about the all day boat trips and super late night fishing trips. I promise to tell them how awesome you were and how much you love us. I will never let your memory die.
You are up there now, watching over us, every moment of everyday. You are seeing the boys and how they are growing and guiding them in a whole new way now. You see more than you ever could have here on earth and I take some comfort in that. I wish you could beam me up, if only for a moment so I could say goodbye, I love you, and I will always miss you! But you already know that daddy! Rest in peace daddy! I'll see you again someday!
Love and miss you always,
Dana
