I lost my beautiful sister. Colleen would have been 51 on November 28th. As big brothers, only 2 and 3, and 3 and 5 years older than each sister, Kevin and I loved them and looked out for them. We were close siblings. Early on, we had different activities but we also did a lot together, whether it was playing tennis or family softball; trying our hand at gymnastics together; fishing at Chautauqua from dinner to nightfall what seemed like every night of the summer; and of course, holiday celebrations. With 4 kids in a tight age range, my parents had to economize what we could all do. And it was really a great opportunity for us as brothers and sisters (and parents, I am sure) to share these mutual experiences as much together as we did.
We always looked forward to a competitive card game of Scat or crazy 8s at Nanas, and then at the Lamb’s or our house over the holidays, playing board games. Colleen was always the most competitive and spirited. We also looked forward to the numerous road trips in our woody wagon to DC to see our cousins, or down to Florida for spring break to see our grandparents and great aunts and uncles. Those were seasonal rites of passage for us. They were memorable and shared and precious.
Even as we grew, with our mutual activities and interests becoming less and less, we still found pockets of common ground to share. Kevin and I played hockey, Colleen and Erin played field hockey. We played baseball, they played softball.We ran around Orchard Park and Chautauqua together with many of you, or your children.Kevin, Colleen, Erin, and I all worked at the Chautauqua Boys’ and Girls’ Club. I’ll always remember piling into our station wagon, hustling to make the 9AM start.Colleen was the first and only girl to ever play on the EMHOs softball team at Chautauqua. She played 2nd base and I played shortstop. We turned some double plays. The guys on the team all loved Colleen and cherished her and protected her as a teammate, friend, and my sister.
I went to St. Lawrence, Col went to St. Lawrence. There, we met each other’s friends, hung out, went on road trips (including a great and memorable one to visit Kevin his senior year), and came home on breaks together. My senior year, she lived in a suite across the hall from mine. Having my little sister there was awesome. I went to Kenya for a semester, she did the same a year and a half after me. We talked about our mutual experiences of those semesters abroad almost every time we got together over the last 30 years, mostly about the Maasai Mara and Samburu parts of the experience, describing our favorite animals. And Colleen loved animals. I distinctly remember her stuffed animal collection covering most of her purple bed as a little girl. She most recently worked at an animal hospital, where she took so much pride in running a caring operation, spending weekends on call feeding and attending to other people’s pets. She had a true passion for helping and healing.
After college, the joy with my sister, family, and friends just continued.She and Dan got married, the first of our group of friends to do so. They started their family soon after. We had our Fall Balls and Spring Flings to close and open the cottage at Bemus Point. Now, with Jack and Emma running around too. Those were epic weekends. Highlights of every year.
She was always in the moment, coordinating, arranging, but also listening, helping, making jokes, and laughing. Colleen was a giver, always putting herself last. You ALWAYS knew you were important to her and a part of her life; her priority. Can you imagine her as a grandma? That would have been so beautiful to experience.
Being as unselfish as she was, she kept her struggles largely to herself, especially at their earliest. Deep down, to feel alone and conflicted while on the surface, it was still always about whomever she was with and the experience.Your moment, not hers, but she was with you. What she was coping with inside is still incomprehensible and always will be.
As her valiant struggles with mental health seemed to take greater hold, it was so taxing on some of you. Mom, Dad, Jack, Dan, Emma…. You did the best you could. Please know that. You showed the greatest emotion and passion I have ever witnessed, providing love in words of course, but your actions, and in ways that a description couldn’t do justice.
Some of you don’t know this and it is important that we tell you, but Colleen fought so, so hard to get better. She hated feeling depressed, conflicted, and tormented so much of the time. The victories, then the relapses, crashing down hard but getting right back up and trying to find help professionally, through peer groups, through friends and family, and within herself. She’d be back to the task of getting better, mustering that competitive spirit again and again, the mindset of “I’m working to get better.” I can only imagine how much harder it was to keep it together and improve when her mind wasn’t cooperating.
Mom, Dad, Dan, Jack, Emma, - you are heroes. To see your commitment to fight this with her, to help her seek counseling and the needed medical attention… the many times you spent in the hospital, at meetings and sessions, or at her home with her, ……your constant worry and always finding ways to be with her whenever you could - it breaks all our hearts but please know and remember how grateful we all are that you did so much to keep her light radiant, beautiful and so fondly memorable.
I’d like to ask us all to think and act and prioritize in any way you can, the woefully under-served mental health environment in our country. The obstacles and vagaries and inconsistencies Colleen and our family had to go through to get her treated and attended to, often remotely, were frustrating on far too many occasions. Across the spectrum of health care, we do so little comparatively for mental health, and need to call more significant attention to those in need, often desperate need, of treatment and continuing care. Please, please, evaluate your political representatives and determine or ask if they take a position of real action, in facing the challenges in the mental health field. We allocate too little in resources and need to improve so much, including access, coverage, and research.
The shared experiences we have all had with her are part of the indelible and precious memories we will always have of my beautiful, loving, vibrant, and giving sister, Colleen Therese. Please think of her and smile and if you detect mental strain and conflict in others, or yourself, please seek help.
Everyone Colleen touched, adored her. By taking her radiance - her shining example of how to live the best we can – and paying attention to others and giving to them, we can make her legacy even brighter.
Spread Love!