November 5th, 2019 (6 months) since you took your last walk with Bella. I am sitting here next to the place where you jumped in to save her, I place I wish you had never been! A place that will forever be in my memory, nightmares, shattered dreams and most of all, the place where you took your seat in Heaven next to our loving Father. Too soon, but there was a song I listened to this morning on my way to work “Buy and Buy” by Ross Ellis, it talks about how we spend our time and our wealth…… There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to be able to bring you back to us, but you are already home and I have to accept that.
A special friend of yours recently sent us a letter talking about you and the importance of you in their life. They also shared a parts of a letter that you shared with them…… WOW Connor you touched our lives and hearts through your words, I asked and was given permission to share some of your thoughts.
Here goes, you were asking if they knew God and if not, you wanted to share a little. You talked about how Jesus paid for our sins with His life giving us in your words “an unlimited credit card to sin” because the debit was already paid, but you asked “should I?” was that the way to live, was the “morally right”
These are Connor’s words “I think one of the biggest reasons people aren’t religious is they think that ‘if God was real why would he let all these bad things happen’ and I totally understand and would agree if someone wouldn’t have told me the answer. I think how he said it was god believes 110% in free will and not controlling everything, so He lets everything happen the way we let it happen and He helps us if we ask for it. So ,when bad stuff happens it’s not because there isn’t a God or He doesn’t care he just doesn’t want to control your life.” “But ya, God is always there for you and He is the only one who listens and loves you no matter what. “I think God is pretty cool, I think most people think of Him as like this strict, emotionless, and letter of the law type of person, but I disagree. I think He’s a lot more ‘human’ and emotional…… He’s the only one that can actually 100% understand exactly what you are going through because He sees your point of view. Also, another reason people don’t really get religious is because they think prayers don’t work…… But God always answers everyone’s prayers it’s just sometimes not in the time frame they are expecting and almost never in the way the want/plan it to.
Connor went on to talk about his relationship with God our Father, and about judgement and how we need to look for the good in people. His last thoughts in that letter were about the sermon that pastor Karl was teaching on about depression. Connor’s thoughts “I wonder if you have ever been depressed or are struggling with it? But then I thought no, not …….. they are always happy and smiley. But I know that sometimes the people that are depressed the worst hide it the best, so I hope this never happens, but if you are struggling or ever struggle with depression or are even just sad you can always feel safe to talk to me or God!
The words of my son ringing so true in this world. This letter was such an inspiration and helped my heart heal a little. God has a plan, he let’s us live our lives and is with us all along the way, in the good, bad and unimaginable pain that I am going through I have that hope. I just pray that I can continue to heal and grow through this loss. That I can honor God, and honor Connor with my words and actions and how I treat and minister to others. I know that they are both with me, Connor and God. Until the day we meet again in glory. I hope that you know how much words cannot describe the love and how proud of you I am CMI.
Proverbs 30:4 Who has gone up to heaven and come down? Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of his hands? Who has wrapped up the waters in his cloak? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name, and the name of his son? Tell me if you know!
I am glad you know son!
Love Dad