Starting this initial chaper has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Although I am quite aware that my son in gone...there are some days that I refuse to believe it. There are incidents where I will be out and about and think that I need to call home to check on him. It's just the "normal" mom thing to do. I carried him inside of my body for nine months. Why was I only allowed 2 months with him out of the womb? Every single morning I open my eyes hoping to have awakened from this terrible nightmare that I've been in for almost three months now. If I could go back in time...could I have prevented this from happening? I know so very little about his passing because we still have not heard back from the medical examiner. Some days I don't even want to know, to be honest. I will do the best that I can within this memorial page to preserve the tiny life that my son had. Regardless of how few days he spent on this earth makes no difference. Connor's life was so precious to me. From the time I knew I was pregnant, I loved him so much. That love has since grown within the grieving process. I long to have my baby back in my arms every second of every day. This is a horrific feeling that cannot be tamed and has led to a case of severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Connor would be five months old this week. I love you, sweet angel.