for those who lost a son, brother, husband, father, uncle...time becomes irrelevant. it doesnt matter if it happened yesterday or 10 years ago, it hurts just as much and it will never "get better". time doesnt heal, it erases. the only good thing time does is show you who was genuine when they said they'd "be there", and who wasnt.
the people that are still in your life, after 10 years of "one day at a time", out-of-no-where emotional breakdowns, collapsing in tears at the slightest sight, sound, smell that you recognize from the "before"...they're the ones who GET IT.
losing my brother divided my life into the "before" and the "after". life in the "after" will always carry a palpable feeling of absence. because that one person who was so many things to so many people, is just gone.
unless youve gone through your own personal hell in the aftermath of losing someone like this...accept it as beyond your control. we're not "on the clock". theres no timecard to punch when youre done grieving. i grieve for my brother every day. its not any easier now than it was 10 years ago.
i want to say thank you for posting this about Todd. The most comfort ive ever felt was from knowing that too many other families also share this terrible common thread. they could put all of us in one room and nothing would ever need to be said. we live it every day.
i wish i were one of those people who truly feel that the death of a loved one should be more of a celebration of their life than anything debilitating, but im not. i never will be. i feel like people are waiting for me to "get back to normal"....failing to realize "normal" has ceased to exist.
there are so many reasons i take comfort in reading things like this and am so grateful in knowing im not alone, and that those who know what ive gone and continue going through know its not because im "crazy"...because they're there too.
God Bless Our Fallen,
Christina Gavriel