hello my love, today is 2 years since you went to heaven, and let me tell you it still feels like yesterday. i still have flashbacks of that awful night, i cant seem to shake them. ill be driving down the street and they just pop in my head, so many songs bring them back. i doubt they will ever go away. i keep telling myself, what could i have done different so the outcome could have been different, i honestly thought i would go first, i really did. not a day goes by that i dont think about you and miss you so much. jeremy wanted me to go to thunder by the river this year, but i still cant bring myself to go. maybe some day but i doubt that. my back is messed up, got some disc issues, they want me to have a mri to see exactly what is going on, then pilger was lost in the tornadoes, so devastating. oh lisa's dad, red, you knew him, he was in a accident while at work and it killed him. more sad news, i guess a student driver turned in front of him, he was loaded too from what i understand. lisa was crushed as was i from your passing. the nurse at the drs office asked me if i remarried, im like no. it was nicoles mom, she said she didnt know my name has always been martinez. then she asked me how long ago, i said 2 years on monday. this was thursday, friday. jude and lorelie came in to mcdonalds on their way to the fair, you would be so proud of him, he is so smart. you could sit and hold a conversation with him, unless of course he got side tracked. hes getting so big. lorelie is just the cutest thing. got the curliest hair, just beautiful. jeremy and jessica are having a girl in october. cant wait to meet her. they are naming her ivalee faith. its growing on me. at first i wasnt to keen on the ivalee part, but its growing on me. havent talked to jr or jackie in quite some time. my fault. i wish i was more outgoing like you were. i mainly just keep to myself and stay home. i still talk to maryjo alot. shes been such a lifesaver in my life. thank god for her. she has helped me alot thru all of this. i havent seen or talked to the boys either. i guess les is living in fremont and was on disability but then rumor has it that he lost it, so i dont know from there. jesse and angel live in wisner with gunnar. dont know much more about them. kayla and abe and kids live with julie in uehling. of course the kids too. abe made manager at mcdonalds. sure is different from years past. good changes too. i think you would be proud of him. i am. boy i miss you so much. smoky just sitting here next to me, as usual, by my side. the other day he decided he was going to take himself for a walk and went to the church on the beemer/lyons road, you know the one, im sure. little brat. i see your truck alot, your boom truck, you know the one you always wanted, lol. im just kidding. you would hate it. i know. every time i see it i wait for it to honk but it doesnt and i get sad. i will always love you dave. as long as im living i will love you and miss you every single day. i have memories, some good, some bad but they are mine and i will never forget the years we had together and i wish we could have more. so i will leave you with this news for now and i will talk to you again soon, im sure. i love you dave and i miss you so much.