9 years, 9 of the longest most painful years of my life. Don't get me wrong, there has been some amazing moments, but the burden of knowing you weren't here to hold my hand through them sometimes takes me to a place I don't want to be. I miss you so very much and I know that you've been watching, I can feel your guidance and your strength. I miss that we can't go on any holidays together anymore, I miss that we can't put up the tree together anymore, I miss that I can't sit with the photo albums open every time we are together and have you explain each and every one! I miss all the love we shared and how you could turn the darkest day into the brightest light. My heart breaks but your love lives on in my babies and I will hold onto every smile and every laugh knowing you put it there.