My father had a famous saying: "Don't let the Old Man (Death) in." The way he did that was to NEVER talk about any weakness, illness or pain. My dad was not one for pity or comfort or even help unless it was finishing a great story, a bottle of wine or smoking a big cigar.
I almost always found out that my Dad had come through any health scare or problem after the fact. When I would complain that I could have helped or been of comfort and support to him, he would say,
"I'm not a complainer or a quitter and I didn't want your help. Christ Mary Anne, really, it was nothing. Don't get all emotional on me. I didn't want to bother you with it. As you know I'd rather be out playing golf or on the river fishing than dealing with health crap."
I share this fact to comfort any of you who might not have known that he had been sick with cancer and getting his butt kicked in chemo in recent months and surgery two weeks ago. I didn't even know and I'm his only daughter.
So I know many people are grieving right now, not just me. I thought, in effort to comfort you all, I would share with you my final email exchange with my father just a few days before he died. The subject line was, "I read this and totally thought of you."
At the time I wrote it to my Dad, I didn't know that he would have a heart attack and die only a few days later. At the time I wrote it, I did not know that he not be around for one more piece of his famous barbecue chicken which had a sauce that he and I created together when I was a little girl, I did not know that he would not be around for one last glass of great wine from his amazing wine cellar, or one last "Final Final" of his beloved Irish Coffees.
"Hi Dad,
I read this today and totally thought of you.
Love and XOX
Mary Anne
"FRIENDS ON THE JOURNEY OF LIFE
At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they
will always travel on our side; however, at some station our parents
will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time
goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be
significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of
your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others
will go so unnoticed; that we do not realize that they vacated their
seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy,
expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of
having a good relationship with all passengers requiring; that we give
the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves
will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and
offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when
the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should
leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on
the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give
lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey. Lastly, I
thank you for being one of the passengers on my train."
My fathers response to this was:
Thanks- very nice!
Love,
Dad
So in the end, these were my last words to my father, Don Dorward, and his in return to me. I loved my father dearly, as I know all of you who knew him did.
I am deeply grateful to Nan White, who was his companion and love for his last fifteen years. When I saw my Dad last, he told me that he had waited his whole life for Nan and I know he flourished in her great company and from her amazing cooking. My father would have been dead a long time ago if it hadn't been for Nan.
So, in closing, I am grateful to my Dad for all the fun times and all that I also learned from him, as I know all of you are. I hope that wherever he has gone now, he is having a big party with my dear brother and his beloved son, Bob (affectionately known as Bobby D to many) and his mother Gladys (affectionately known to all as Glady.)
I hope you all will raise a "Final Final" glass of your favorite wine or cocktail to my father, Donald F Dorward and sit around for awhile telling your most favorite stories of him. He was a Giant of a man. No one will ever fill his shoes.
With Love and Gratitude to you all of you whom he loved,
Mary Anne Dorward
Ecuador
