As the saying goes, "Timing is everything." It has never held more meaning to me as it has on this very special yet painful day.  

This morning, Joel and I together wished his beautiful Emmi a very Happy Birthday. My Joel rarely shows weakness or sadness. Like his Daddy, it is just not in his character. He just powers through. However, I caught that rare glimpse of it after our birthday wishes and it broke my heart. With tears in my eyes, I quietly asked Emmi to somehow, someway let Joel know she is safe in His arms, and watching over all who love her. Boy, Emmi delivered. 

I read a daily scripture to my Pre-K students each morning. Joel was out of school today for Columbus Day, and was with me in my classroom at my school. Today, Oct. 14, the topic was "Living with Grace." The bible verse was from Titus 3:2 "to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." That was Emmi to a tee! I looked at Joel as I finished reading this, and he smiled as if he knew Emmi was talking directly to him.

Fast forward to later in the day and riding in the car. We always have some sort of music playing in the car. Usually it's classical, sometimes it's rock, but never is it country. We just don't listen to it enough. Today though, I stopped at a country station because Johnny Cash's "Jackson" was playing. Joel and I love Johnny Cash, and we sang at the top of our lungs.

As I was about to change the station, a song started that I had never given a second thought to before today. I hestitated and stayed on the station. I had heard this song a few years ago in passing, but since I don't listen to country music (other than a very few classic artists), I never really paid attention to it. As we listened to it, and I began to understand the meaning of it, tears welled in my eyes for the second time today. The song playing was The Band Perry's "If I Die Young." This time, I felt Emmi was talking to me. When you hear the lyrics, you'll understand.

Thank you Emmi, and Happy Birthday sweet girl. Joel (and I) miss you so much. 

Happy Birthday Emmi!

11 years ago I gave birth to an angel, Emerson Jean Barbaro. 

I was so surprised that we had a Barbaro girl! We were adding a touch of pink into our lives. 

When I was about 7 months pregnant with Emmi I was very sick and in the hospital for a week. During my sickest hour the neurologist came in and told me we can no longer worry about the baby, we need to worry about you. I was not going to let that happen. I prayed to God that I would not let anything happen to my sweet girl. She was going to be my girl and angel. 

Emmi was born 2 months later and she was perfect in every way! She added more into our lives than just a touch of pink. She had the most tender heart, compassion beyond her years, and a never ending love for her family and friends.  She was happy all the time and it was contagious. She had my sense of humor, so we were always playing some sort of practical joke. Life was always a good time!

December 27, 2012 forever changed our lives. 

On this day I prayed to God again, but this time it was that he would forever love her and greet her with open arms. I also mentioned she loved her hugs. She was going to meet her Father soon. I never thought in my lifetime I would pray for the precious life of my own child, but also pray for her eternal life.

 A day has not gone by without shedding tears. There is no remedy or cure for this pain. It will always be here. I wake up every morning and rest my feet on the floor and I tell myself, “another day.” Another day that I think of Emmi, our angel,  and know that she is with her Father, but also smile because I know she is smiling with us and is our biggest cheerleader. 

Emerson, you brought us more joy and love than we could ever ask for. Now, even in our darkest moments, you bring us joy and laughter. You have made our faith even stronger and our happy moments more meaningful. I will forever love you and I’m honored to be you Mom. I love you.

Mom

Lately I've really been finding strength in Chris Tomlin's song "Whom Shall I Fear (Angel Armies)". Whenever I find myself having a hard time, whether it's stress from a busy schedule, somebody bringing me down, or the ultimate, the sorrow of missing such an incredible little girl, I love listening to the lyrics of this song:

"Whom Shall I Fear (God Of Angel Armies)"

Emmi rescued a chickadee the morning of December 27th, 2012. Heather took a picture of Emmi with the bird, which she was holding in her hands on the deck.  In the 27 previous years that we have lived on Lilac Acres I had been unaware of the chickadees.  Not once have I been visited by one of them in our grape arbor.

About thirteen years ago we built the arbor to view the garden and the birdfeeders. The arbor also provides a place of solitude and sanctuary during the beautiful spring, summer and autumn days; as well as, a place to spend a beautiful summer evening.   I spend a lot of time in the arbor when I need a break from gardening or just need time to be alone. In the past thirteen years I’ve never been visited by a chickadee in the arbor. They are known to be trusting and tame, but never visited me.  However, this past spring, summer and now autumn, whenever I spend time in the arbor there has not been a day that a chickadee has not visited me either sitting on a chair, a plant stand or one of the trellises’ of the walls while chirping and watching me read.  This has given me so much comfort and, unbelievable as it may seem, this has given me a sense of joy and reassurance.  When I told my husband, Emmi’s grandpa, about the continued occurrence of the chickadee---I asked him to sit with me one day to see if the chickadee would come and visit and, of course, it came again.  Now he believes the story I’ve told. I’m not sure why this is happening; but, as you may well know, I hate to miss a day of solitude in the arbor.  A sign graces the wall of the arbor that Heather gave me 7 years ago that reads: “Leave Room in Your Garden for Angels to Dance”.  I can see Emmi every day when I’m in the arbor as she runs through the sprinkler, does cartwheels in the lawn, plays 7 steps, paints rocks, picks flowers, plays hide ‘n seek, stands silently by the birdfeeders and also eats ice cream in the arbor with Julian and her cousins.  She is there even though I can’t see her.  Emmi's presence graces every beautiful thing I see.  And I cherish the gift of the chickadee.

The last couple of weeks have been so tough. I think the grief has just worn me out. Learning to adapt to a new life and all that it involves has been exhausting, mentally and physically. 

Rich, Julian, and I have been staying busy with different things, but mostly, we have been exercising. For us it has been a temporary stress reliever. I have spent more time on my bike than I ever have. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I could give my Cervelo bike a hug. It truly has helped me numb the pain. Julian loves to bike, run, and play soccer. He has found a little passion in bike maintenance. Sometimes you have to watch it because your wheels may be missing off your bike. He is changing a tube, degreasing or just cleaning the bike. Rich just finished Ironman Wisconsin Sept 8th. I am so proud of him! It was such an emotional day, but I know Emmi was so proud of her dad. 

Here is my Facebook entry from the day of the race:

A year ago Rich and I signed up for Ironman WI 2013. At the beginning of the year I decided to drop out. I just didn't have the strength to train. It took me 3 months to even get back on my bike. Rich stood firm, he was going to train and do the Ironman for Emmi. The past 8 months he has been working hard. He has spent hours and hours swimming, biking, and running. We have spent time as a family training. It is truly therapy. The emotional pain we have endured is not describable. The pain will be with us for THIS lifetime. We all have such bad and happy moments that make up our life. Rich will swim 2.4 miles. He will ride 112 miles and run 26.2. He is doing this once in a lifetime experience with his girl Emmi. I am celebrating a #1 father, a husband that I love dearly and a man that is a friend to everyone. To all of you that have supported us and loved us, I thank you. This is not a race for Rich. It is a happy moment for Rich and his girl. 

Life is moving forward and so are we. Emmi is always on our minds and a day doesn’t go by where tears are not shed.  Grief is tough. Our faith is still strong. 

One day at a time. 

Today, one of Emmi’s classmates handed me the following poem which she had written, and asked if I could post it here for her. I have copied it verbatim, and in the same color ink. It is a touching tribute which remind's us all that Emmi’s memory will always live on with those who were blessed to know her.      

EMMI

“Emmi was sweet,

Emmi was kind.

Emmi didn’t care

if her friends were which kind.

Emmi like tag,

Emmi liked soccer.

Emmi was the girl

with the best sportsmanship.

Emmi loved swimming,

Emmi loved winning,

Emmi loved sports with lots of care.

Emmi helped with problems,

Emmi helped people.

Emmi had fun throughout her lifetime.

But! The most important is that

Emmi is still in our hearts!”

Written by YeBon Hong

We have had 3 Christmas gifts of Emmi's that have been sitting in our living room for the past 7 months now. Tonight we decided to open them. We each took one to open. As I peeled the paper back I realized these were the last Christmas gifts Emmi would receive. She will now celebrate Christmas with her Father.
Oh the pain! It is not something that you can describe to anyone, it can only be felt by the ones who have experienced such tragedy. As I cry for my sweet girl I know that she is now holding me tight in her arms.
I knew how special Emmi was and I felt her joy every single day. She was such a gift to us. She was so passionate about life! 
She brings me inspiration now when I feel like I have lost my sparkle. I will never have that special sparkle back, but I am reminded that there will be a day when we will all shine again in happiness.
For now, I dance to the beat of my angel's wings.

Fireflies

I never wake up at night (even during thunderstorms, as my husband can tell you), but for some reason last night I looked at the clock at 11:49 and felt I wanted to walk to the bedroom sliding glass door and look out at the south lawn.  All of a sudden in the black night, out of nowhere, came a beautiful flashing light that continued to make its way to my garden shed moving around in gentle motions.  I just knew that it would be coming up to me on the deck shortly, so I waited.  It came up to me by the deck and then it left and went to the east…….I followed its flashing for several minutes until I could no longer see it.  What was unusual about this was that when you see a firefly, I have only experienced seeing several others; but this was the only one, and although you may say it’s my imagination, it was the brightest and largest firefly I have ever seen. This was unbelievably beautiful in the dark night.  Then I thought about how Emmi first found out about fireflies and how we would catch them and put them in jars to light up the room.  Lots of giggling and excitement! Of course, all the grandchildren love the idea of catching fireflies and it was a beautiful memory given to me on a beautiful dark night.  The first piano composition on Leah’s Childhood Memories CD, which has been dedicated to Emmi, is called Catching Fireflies.  How appropriate……..thanks for the memory Emmi.......your light still shines................ 

My sister posted this on Facebook today and I think it is just so perfect and beautiful that I am sharing it.
Heather

Emerson, who we call Emmi, lived more in 10 years than I could live in 2 lifetimes, being the happiest little girl I know, which might sound like the kind of thing anyone would write about a child who passes away, but truly Emmi was very different-she had a joy about her that no one could quite understand that came from within and persisted through all circumstances. She was the girl that all of the other kids wanted to be around, both young and old. She went everywhere with a bounce in her ponytail and never went “out” without a stylish scarf. Despite being the pink-wearing fashionistia that she was, she was quite the tomboy, not afraid to work and get dirty and always happy to bring a snake, frog or salamander home to play pranks on Mom or go on a fishing date with Dad. She loved music and would wake up each morning belting out songs in the shower for all to hear followed by doing backflips in the living room before school. Being the gifted athlete that she was after this past summer Olympics Emmi insisted that she would go someday too but in soccer, gymnastics, and swimming. After placing 3rd in the Reindeer Run for girls 13 and under in her home town a few weeks ago (while running dressed as a Christmas present the whole time) she said she just knew she would be on the Track and Field Olympic team too-she had the timing between all 4 of the sports worked out and would train 1 year for each. She was quite the spitfire, nothing too far out of reach for her, but did everything humbly and with politeness that much surpassed her years. Above all though she never missed an opportunity to tell everyone around her how much she loved them. She could be found constantly making notes or gifts for her friends and family and gave constant hugs and kisses “just because”. She had a full-throttle, no regrets-kind of attitude and it showed in the way she found joy in everything she did and in the way she loved. 

She was the youngest of 6 kids, and the only girl. She was Daddy’s “Principessa” and Mom’s mini-me. Her closest brother in age, Julian, was her very best friend. She was showered in affection by all and knew she was special, but she never flaunted it. To quote her obituary, “Her small frame carried a big personality and an even bigger heart.” For her Celebration of Life, one of her brothers wrote an excerpt that is also worth sharing and I couldn't agree with more:

“No words exist to adequately describe Emmi. I can tell you she was the happiest girl I have ever known, but that doesn’t embody the warmth her smile exuded, or elicit the joy it provided. I can tell you she was affectionate, but that doesn’t make you feel the embrace of her hugs or the love in her kisses. I can tell you she was passionate, but that doesn’t help you see the determination in her face as she competed athletically, or how she dug in her heels to beat her 5 older brothers in a game of basketball. I can tell you she was equal parts tom boy and girlie girl, but that doesn’t describe how adorable it was to watch her show off her earrings or put on nail polish.

I can try my absolutely hardest and use every word in the dictionary to portray our Emmi, but nothing will come close to truly capturing Emerson Jean Barbaro. I can only tell you I am honored to call her my sister, and am a better person for having known her and received her love. Although Emmi lived only 10 special years, her impact will last far more than her lifespan. I have never known a person to more aptly teach me lessons of love, joy, and vigor for life”.

So as you can see, Emmi was clearly no ordinary 10 year old. Although a tragic accident ended her life here on earth, she changed our lives more than she will ever know. She’s taught me that life doesn’t have to be so serious, that it’s ok to take risks and do it passionately, to play a little more, to not worry about what anybody else thinks, and to above all show people you love them every chance you get. She loved on everybody, loved life, and more importantly, loved Jesus, and I’m so lucky to have had the chance to see and hear that faith in action! What special moments that I will never forget. I pray that I too can love with the same exhilarated childlike faith like her! 

Although I will continue to miss her and will never understand all of the questions that come with her death, I know that God is good, and He is always right. There is so much hope in tomorrow, and I know that I will see her again one day. He is taking such good care of her now and loving on her more than I can even imagine! 

Before this incident I have to admit, I was uneasy about death. I didn’t really fear what would happen to me when I died, but I was worried about the dying process. I don’t know when or how I’ll go on my special day, but what I do know is that I’m no longer afraid. The process of dying is so relatively small to the glory and love to come. I also have hope that when I do, that I’ll be bombarded by kisses and giggles by my sweet Emerson, a Principessa of heaven, and she’ll escort me to see the one and only King.

Not a day passes in my family without thoughts of Emmi. I cannot believe it is 6 months today since the last time Joel and I saw her beautiful, shining, sweet face. Oh how Joel misses his Emmi. As life has it, we move on the best we can, remember our lost, and honor their memory daily.

As we have for every morning this week, we were at the pool training for next month's kids triathlon named for Emmi. Joel has always been a water baby like his Mama, but struggled with his stroke-to-breath coordination (as most young kids do). But today was different - much different. Everything clicked, and Joel didn't once break stride during a dozen laps - which is a big deal for a 54 lb. 10 year old! I asked him what made today so much different than yesterday or the day before. With a very matter-of-fact tone, he said "Because that is the way Emmi told me to do it. I could hear her when I was swimming." I believe him 100%.    

After training, we were shopping at a local sporting goods store. We saw a teacher from Emmi and Joel's school there and when Joel mentioned what he had just been doing, the teacher said, "Emmi would be so proud." 

On race day, Emmi will be with Joel and ALL of Emmi's friends and family, whispering in their ears, cheering them on, and telling them how proud she is of everyone. 

"Happy Birthday Aunt Pam, is uncle Eric there?"


This brings smiles, laughter and tears to my eyes.  Emmi could talk on the phone, that was for sure.  Whenever we would get a call for holidays, birthdays, mothers/fathers day it would usually start with me on the phone and quickly go to Uncle Eric.  Although there are so many memories, I think about this one often.

Uncle Eric is not a big phone person but with Emmi he would stay on that phone as long as she kept talking.  And he would truely be interested in what she was saying.  I think his favorite part of the calls were when I would answer the phone because it would usually start with Julian talking, then Emmi would greet me with something like "Happy Birthday Aunt Pam, is Uncle Eric there?" or "Happy Mother's day Aunt Pam, is Uncle Eric there?"  I still laugh thinking about this.  There are so many things (little or big) that Emmi did that made such a difference in people's lives.  Asking to speak to Uncle Eric was one of those things.  The day of those phone calls his heart was just a little more filled up.  :)

As I look thru pictures I've taken of Emmi I realize that sometimes she's about ready to say "Aaaannnnnnnnntttttttttt    Paaaaaaaaaaammmmmm," sometimes she's goofing around, sometimes she is just looking at me probably wondering why I keep taking her picture and then there are the photos of her smiling and laughing at the camera.  But I've realized those smiles and laughes are at me.... for me.   She looked at everybody with love in her eyes.  I see it in every picture I took. 

It seems like just yesterday that Emmi gave me her last kiss. My heart feels like it has been a lifetime. 5 months ago Emmi went running into His open arms. 

I changed the background song to Moriah Peters, Well Done. Everytime I hear this song I smile. I look in my rearview mirror hoping to catch a glimpse of my girl smiling and singing, as she always did.

Emmi was such a happy person. The only time she wasn't happy was when she was sick. She was so carefree and loved life. She embraced everything that this life offered. She stayed on the road that God intended her to take. Never waivering. Emmi's life is such an example for us to follow. Be happy and follow the Lord.

I know when she went running into His open arms Jesus smiled at her and said, "Well Done."

 

Why Would I?

Why would I spray for dandelions

When little girls love them so much?

Why would I wipe off finger marks from patio doors

When they are sweet reminders of complete innocence?

Why would I throw away cracked croquet balls

When grandchildren have so much fun with them?

Why would I wipe off the chalkboard

When the printing is so perfectly imperfect?

Why would I?

Why would I throw away broken chalk

That little hands made sidewalk art with?

Why would I?

Why would I make a big deal about catching a big fish

When little fish bring bigger smiles of joy?

Why are gems more valuable then pretty rocks

When the true beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?

Why is perfection so important

When our greatest joy and humor comes from imperfection?

The perfection of grandchildren

Emmi loved the color pink!!  Her bedroom was pink, most of her clothes were pink, her birthstone was pink (tourmaline), and now as the flowering crabapple trees come to life, I think of her reminding me of her new life filled with music and color.  Nature has a way of reminding us of the beauty of the small, but miraculous things.  The birds singing their invocations in the morning and their benedictions in the evening are another small example of miracles. Last spring, when I came to NC to spend time with the grandchildren for a week (when Rich and Heather took a break), I went flower shopping with the kids.  Emmi picked out pink and yellow flowers and Julian helped plant them when we got home. Julian is a tireless worker with constant attention to detail which included loading and unloading flowers, dirt and pots.  Meanwhile Emmi was skipping around looking at the new flowers we had planted without a care in the world---forever singing and forever in pink. This week I planted pink and yellow flowers in my pots and gardens as the birds were singing.

Today is a special day to recognize Mothers. My mom has given me such inspiration and strength throughout my life. We have laughed with joy and cried with sorrow. She has been the pillar of strength for me and my 3 sisters. She has such a kind heart. That is my mother.
Today is such a difficult day for me. I have two amazing men in my life! Rich is my heart and my soul. I am so lucky! Julian is my boy and my rock of inspiration! I love them dearly. They are my heart.
Today I miss my girl. I have cried everyday for the past 4 1/2 months, with a lifetime of tears ahead. People say that it gets easier with time. I don't find that to be true. You just become a stronger person, who slowly starts learning how to manage the pain.
I think of Jesus being nailed to the cross and my mind goes to his mother Mary. The pain she must have endured watching this incredibly terrible scene. It just brings me to tears. Mary showed strength that is beyond words. She gave mothers hope when life becomes more than we think we can handle. She showed us the way.
Emmi was our ray of sunlight. She had a personality that just made you smile. Her kindness was an example for everyone to follow. Her life has made me a better person. 
There will be a piece of my heart missing until we all meet again. I miss and love you Emmi!
 

At the Starbucks drive-thru in Fayetteville in October.

Me:  I'll have very berry hibiscus (high-biss-cuss) venti (ven-tee).

Emmi: Aunt (ant) Pam, you say hibiscus (hih-biss-cuss) funny.

***Giggles and laughing 

Starbucks cashier:  What size was that?

Me:  Venti (ven-tee)

Emmi:  Aunt (ant Pam), you say venti (vayne-tay) funny too.

**More laughing and off to the Halloween store to get balloons, paper mice and something special for the fridge.   


        

Today I went out to my garden house where I have my sewing machine, fabric and other sewing supplies.  I also keep a lot of my favorite craft things for the grandchildren to play with out there such as reading books, coloring books, paint brushes, marbles, rubber band guns, and old buttons.  Emmi and I started making a small quilt together a couple summers ago and we continued every summer until she would get bored with it and want to play with something else.  It was pink and blue and I will continue to sew it, despite its imperfections, until it is done one day.  She gave me directions on how she wanted the design to be and then she would cut the fabric. Another thing she loved to do was cuddle up in the bunk beds out there with the other grandchildren, but never slept because there were too many other fun things to do besides sleep.  I have also found coloring books with pictures she has colored and remembered the bird houses we painted one summer…..he brightest colors you can imagine!! One night we roasted marshmallows with the grandchildren out by the garden house. She loved to be by an outdoor fire. Children find joy in such simple things and she found joy in everything she did!!

One year for Mother and Father’s Day,  Craig and I received talking books from Julian and Emmi.  The children read the verses from page to page and their voices were recorded as they went.  Those books are a treasure to us because we still have a chance to listen to Emmi’s voice.  Although it brings tears, it also brings fond memories of the thoughtfulness towards us as grandparents from the parents and the grandchildren taking the time to always remember us, call us on the phone or e-mail us with various messages.  One sometimes said, “What’s  up?” and another one that was especially e-mailed over and over again from Emmi was, “What are you doing today Grandpa?” or “What are you doing today Grandma?”  Today I am again thinking about Emmi.

Comfort and Cuddling

Emmi had the most beautiful blue-gray eyes and whenever she asked me for anything, the answer was always yes.  A couple of years ago, one of the things she asked to take home with her from “Minnesota” was a small brown Amish-made quilt to cuddle up in and, of course, I said yes.  She asked for a very large raw carrot to eat on the morning of the 27th and, of course, I said yes. She ate the whole thing!!  Whenever she asked for more Hershey kisses, of course, I always said yes.  I often found silver wrappings from Hershey kisses in the most unusual places after she left to go home. She asked for things that were always special to her, but never extravagant.  This past year she wanted to take home a small plaid Christmas down-filled blanket and, of course, I said yes.  She loved to cuddle up with it downstairs or bring it up on the porch in the morning to cuddle up with someone else.  I wish I could cuddle up with her just one more time….oh, how I wish............

Emmi was a cuddler and I saw her on many occasions cuddling up with her Dad and Mom; sometimes in front of the television and sometimes in the morning just to wake up or sometimes in the evening before bedtime until she was told she needed to go to bed.   She would come with her messed up hair in the morning with a blanket and just “settle into” the cuddling mode with someone, whoever was available.

Rich and Heather Barbaro

It is with much pride that I write about Emmi’s parents, Rich and Heather.  They gave her all the important qualities and values that were needed in this life on earth.  They were model parents doing all the right things for their kids; modeling respect, compassion, integrity, responsibility, understanding, determination, giving to others and and most of all loving their children without any reservations or expectations and bringing them up in the Christian faith. Emmi was a happy, happy girl and that is no surprise when you consider the attitude of her parents.  There was no negativity or disrespect.  They showed her “the way”. It was an understood expectation in their household. The children never talked back to their parents or expected “kudos” for doing something well.  It was an expectation.  The parents were always happy together and modeled that love and happiness to their children; although they always praised them for a job “well done”.  Emmi couldn’t have been blessed with any better parents!!!  If only all children had the parents she had....the world would be a better place.  No regrets on the parents. I love them both so much for who they are and for the parents they are!!

Emmi loved to paint, draw and color!!  She painted rocks (for the rock tic tac toe set) out in our gazebo one beautiful summer day and she also painted ceramic pots, which I planted flowers in.  She loved to use colored chalk to paint rainbows on the garage apron and drew pictures with colored pencils in my office.  I have a note above my desk in green that was written with blue crayon pencil and it reads, “I love you so, so much.  Love, Emmi”.  Another one says, “I love Grandpa and Grandma so much”. I also have two pictures that were drawn with colored pencils……both of them have absolutely beautiful child rainbows.  I have cards for Grandparent’s Day with beautiful messages in all kinds of colors and hearts. Grandpa usually couldn’t come to Grandparent’s Day, but she made him a special card anyway.  Always thoughtful and kind.  We miss her so much and think of her constantly!!!!

Emmi loved this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opkHVQpWBOI

Grandpa would play it over and over for her and it described                       her so well.  “She’s a walkin’, talkin’ work of art….Mona Lisa with                 a ponytail. …there’s more than seven wonders of the world”.                      We had this song put on a zip strip in our old Challenger.

Venus orbits closer to the Sun than Earth, so explaining how to find     Venus in the sky is pretty easy. It will be fairly close to the Sun. Venus      will either appear in the sky in the West in the evening or rise before          the Sun in the East.

The children’s playhouse at Lilac Acres has all the children’s playthings inside such as an old wooden children’s stove, matching refrigerator and cupboard and also a lounge chair.  There is a small deck outside with a wooden walkway to the front door.  The playhouse is up  “in the air” on beams which also gives about 4 feet of head room underneath it with beautiful lilies blooming around it and the playhouse is  placed in a small grove of trees.

Emmi and Greta would play in the playhouse every summer, cleaning it out with their brooms, sweeping the deck and rearranging the furniture inside. They would also rearrange all the cups, saucers, plates, etc. in the cupboards.  When they went home, I would look inside the playhouse and always find dehydrated raspberries in the dishes, acorns in the pots and all kinds of dried up grasses (that I think were supposed to be salads) in bowls.  They loved playing in the playhouse!

Julian and Ryan would make forts underneath the playhouse placing large and small branches all around the bottom.  They would cut down the lilies, rake out underneath the playhouse and place simple benches to sit on inside. Last year Julian replaced the walkway with a much sturdier board for the girls to walk across and I made an additional stone walkway off to the side of the playhouse and Emmi thought it was “so cool Grandma”.  By the way, the lilies come back every year.

Heart and Soul

The afternoon of December 27th, I went down downstairs where Emmi was teaching cousin Ryan how to play Heart and Soul on the piano.  They went over it many times until Ryan “almost had it”.  Grandpa had taught Emmi how to play Heart and Soul a couple of years ago and she loved to play that tune on the piano!  I went over to the piano where Emmi and Ryan were practicing and asked Emmi if she wanted to go to the store with me so we could buy the ingredients for Swedish Rice.  I was going to teach Greta and Emmi how to make Swedish Rice.  Emmi was more interested in running over to her outdoor clothes to put them on to go outside.  I guess baking didn’t seem like a very exciting activity when you could be outside in the snow with the other kids.  Heather told her to dress warm and have on plenty of socks because we always worried about the kids being warm enough.  I haven’t played the piano since then.  Emmi is in our hearts and souls!!.......and gave us a new perspective on life with our hearts and souls.

Emmi typed this up for her summer camp which was to be this coming summer.
There are so many things that didn't come out when I copied and pasted this, but
I tried to do her colors and realized all the colors aren't coming out when you paste
this, so I gave up and you can just read it as it is.  Trees outlined the pages, roses were
in the following letter, plus every line was in a different color. We miss her so much, it's just unbelievable!!

     CAMP LILAC ACRES

COUNSELORS

Emmi Barbaro Greta Harmala

Julian Barbaro Ryan Harmala

Payment: $5 per day

Ages: 5-11

Address: 24506 700th Avenue

Dassel, Minnesota

Bring your own lunch

Games we will play:

Wet-T shirt relay

Dip Dip Dunk

Soccer

Hide and Seek

Go-cart rides

Water Gun/Balloon fights

Treasure Hunt

Marshmallow roast

Lunch 12:00

There will be a play at the end of the week

Bring a bathing suit and a towel

Starts at 10:30 am

Ends at 2:30 pm

Registration

Name:______________________________________

Parents Name:______________________________

Address:____________________________________

Home Phone:________________________________

Cell Phone:__________________________________

Age of child:___

Special Needs

 Parent or Legal Guardian Signature

i rememember the 1st time i met emmi  at soccer tryouts the 1st thing she said to me was hi im emmie wanta pass?of course i said sure!then after 5 minutes of passing i said u want to shoot she said ok and i got in goal.i had NO clue she had such a strong kick!she kicked and i was SO scared to even try to save it so it went right by me!i will remember that day forever and ever even when im on the field i will think of emmi being there right there behind me giving me a great pass so i can shoot and try to score i know she will be cheering our team on above! god the newest angel has been born!

I don't dream that often when I sleep, but for the past month I've been dreaming almost every night about Emmi. I wish I could say they were really spectacular dreams where we get to play and laugh together, but sadly in almost all my dreams I can never actually get to her or see her. The thing that is so funny though is that I can always hear her. I hear her laughing (ALL the time!), hear her playing with her cousins, hear "checking in" with Julian the way they always did with each other (and also hear when she would get mad at him with "Juli-aaan" :) ), hear her with that cute Southern accent (which makes me remember the day her, Julian, and all of us sat in the porch listening to everyone say words like "hose" and "toes" and laughing), hear her counting down while playing Sardines and saying, "Ready or not, hear I cooommee!" followed by pounding Barbaro footsteps. But most of all, I can always hear her saying "I love you sooo much" to everyone. The greatest part about being able to hear her say these things, is that I know I'm not dreaming them up in my head-Emmi talked like this all the time, and I believe that's why it is so deeply engraved in my memory. She lived with so much love, laughter and energy and you could hear it in every word she said! How special it is to have this with me for the rest of my life!

One year I sent a box of candy for the kids for Halloween with some great treats.  I also stuffed some plastic brown mice in the box just to be funny never thinking that would be the most important and hilarious gift in the box.  Julian and Emmi hid those plastic mice all over the place…..in Mom and Dad’s drawers, etc. etc. and every time Heather would see one she would pretend that she had been scared out of her wits….and then they would do it all over again. :-)  I’m sure Rich got really scared too!!

This past summer, Emmi, Julian, Heather, my Mom and Dad and I went camping in Lanesboro, Minnesota for a night. We had a wonderful time biking the trails, seeing the sights, swimming in the pool (not to mention the typical activities of creating a 3-man pyramid and some epic chicken fights), eating icecream and enjoying each others' company. I found out very quickly on the trip that Emmi's favorite song at the time (and ironically Heather's least favorite song of the time) was the country song "On the Pontoon". Emmi LOVED to sing the song, especially the first line of the chorus, and let me tell ya, she sang that song all....the....time. That night we planned to stay in one of the hostels in the basement of the Old Barn. Normally, these family rooms are very quite and quaint, however, little did we know that that night was karyoke/dance night upstairs, literally right above us, shaking the ceiling floorboards. We decided to make the most of the rumbling noise and venture upstairs for a bit. When we got there, we quickly realized it was much too loud for chatting so we listened and danced for a short time before heading downstairs and praying for sweet mercy that we could fall asleep. Emmi of course, had more energy than a bunny rabbit, laughing, telling jokes, and singing to as many songs as her Mom would let her. I remember thinking, "Man, does this girl EVER get tired?" It had been a good hour of stuffing my pillow to my ears still from the piercing noise upstairs when I finally started to feel sleepy. Just as this happened, the song "On the Pontoon" came on upstairs. I silently whispered to myself, "I hope Emmi is finally sleeping...", but wouldn't you know it, as soon as that chorus hit that girl was belting it out like a pro, and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it was! She was never too tired to sing loud and clear for all to hear...even if it was the middle of the night :)

I came across an email from Emmi about a month after we went to Lanesboro. She always had the funniest one-liner emails, usually consisting of asking me something like, "Whatcha doin????? lol" (and btw, this is a direct copy and paste). I had asked her if she still had the song stuck in her head and she replied "I still do. ON THE PONTOON WHO WHO OOO!!!!!!" Never a dull moment. Hope you're still singing with that pretty voice in heaven sweet girl!

Julian, Greta and Emmi made birdseed bagels a few years ago. The idea was to spread peanut butter on the half bagels on then sprinkle/press down birdseed on top of the peanut butter. Julian, true to form, followed directions beautifully; but Emmi, true to form, ate the bagels with the birdseed on top because it was delicious! She always made us smile..........

The morning after Heather and the kids arrived in Minnesota the adults were having morning tea/coffee on the porch and we were all watching the deer and turkeys outside by the garden shed. Julian was interested in shooting a turkey (Heather said no--no liscense), but Emmi wanted to show us how she could walk on her knees.  She crossed her legs, braced herself up and walked across the porch on her knees.  We used to cringe when she would get up on her toes and walk across the room.  She wasn’t bothered by it at all and would continue to walk on her toes until “we couldn’t stand it anymore”.  She also did her “cheers” for us. We played a few games of Crazy 8 that morning and I won three times in a row for the first time ever (usually the kids won) and Emmi was so happy for me. "Great job Grandma!" How I would love to have that morning over again……..love you Emmi.

I have so many wonderful memories of Emmi, I don't know where to start or end.....go-cart and tractor rides, plays, riding in the boat to name a few.  On the morning of her last day with us, we were all getting ready to go to Aunt Elaine's for a wonderful brunch.  As she had been taught, Emmi wanted to look her best.  Seeing that her mother and grandmother were quite busy getting ready, she came to me and said, "Grandpa, will you please iron my shirt?"  For about a second I panicked, as I haven't ironed anything in 30 years.  But I wasn't going to miss this opportunity, and said "yes".  On the way to the ironing board I'm wondering, "How do I do this and how hot do I have the iron?"  I did my best and I know it wasn't as good as others would have done.  But true to Emmi's manners she said, "Grandpaaaa (with emphasis on the 'paa'), that looks great!  Thanks a lot!"  I'm so glad I got to iron Emmi's shirt that day, and I so look forward to the day I can once again iron her shirt or give her a tractor ride.  I miss her so much!  Grandpa Kay

Emmi loved crème brulee!  When I was taken out to eat for my birthday by Rich, Heather and the kids in Myrtle Beach a couple years ago, we were ordering a dessert for birthday treats.  Emmi, without hesitation, ordered and said, “I would like to have crème brulee, please”.  The waitress looked at her in a puzzled way and soon realized that Emmi knew what she was ordering and had been “around the block” on the food menu, taught well, and her parents only provided the best for her at all times in every aspect of her life. Emmi would have been about 7 years old, but already had impeccable manners and “figured out” that was her favorite dessert and ordered it whenever a restaurant provided the choice. Her parents taught her well!  The day before Emmi transitioned to a heavenly life, she and Greta had a Longa “burger” restaurant in the child’s kitchen we always kept set up for our grandchildren to play in.  Greta wrote the menu and Emmi told her what was to be on the menu.  Desserts were going to be candy canes, chocolate and crème brulee.  The main course was going to be all kinds of “burgers”.  Drinks were chocolate milk, strawberry milk, milk and water.  Appetizer was shrimp on the barbie.  And it was also possible to have anything made to your personal order if it wasn’t on the menu.  We ordered crème brulee for dessert on my birthday this year among tears and in memory of Emmi.

On the morning of December 27th we had brunch at my Aunt Elaine’s house. Everything was very good to eat and it was very nice to visit with everyone and look at the nice little red candles attached to all of the plates. J However, the best part of this day for me was the ride home. I am one of Emmi’s aunts, but I didn’t normally get to spend time with Emmi alone. The kids had so much fun together so they mainly played without the mothers. We were all going to go back to Grandmas house. This was special because Emmi asked “Aunt Carrie can I ride with you?” I responded “YES.” So riding in the car were myself, Darby and Emmi. We left my Aunt Elaines and I showed Emmi where Uncle Joel and I lived when we were first married. Instead of turning right on the highway we went straight. This road took us past the church Emmi was baptized in. Then we were going to go and visit Aunt Pamela at her work, but she went to Grandmas for her lunch break. I asked Emmi if she wanted to see anything else in Dassel, but we decided just to keep going to Grandmas. We turned left on the highway. While we were riding along Emmi was singing to Darby in the car. She stopped singing for a moment and Darby said “ More Emmi More!” I would look back in my rear view mirror and watch her sing. The thing I will never forget that day in the rear view mirror was the color of Emmi’s eyes. Her eyes were so blue I thought “Where did Emmi get those beautiful blue eyes?” I continued to drive and she continued to sing. This was one of the last times I would get to look into Emmi’s beautiful blue eyes. This is a memory I will never forget.

Thank You Emmi for riding with Darby and I so we would get a chance to enjoy you and your beautiful blue eyes one last time! J

Emmi loved the birds and the “critters”.  She would stand underneath the bird feeders in Minnesota by the gazebo tree as still as she could and watch the birds feeding.  Then she would run off away with laughter and be on to the next fun thing to do whether it be picking raspberries or finding frogs in the rain barrel.  She was never afraid of anything slimy. When I stayed with the kids in NC last spring, Julian was busy raking and maintaining the lawn; meanwhile, Emmi was putting on tree shows in the Japanese elm above the goldfish pond.  She would shake the tree branches making up songs as they shook and waved.  Meanwhile, Julian was working away.  Then Emmi would put on a “show” around the pool with her scooter tricks.  Meanwhile, Julian was working away. Emmi waded in the goldfish pond trying to pick up goldfish.  Meanwhile, Julian was working away.  Julian “The Responsible” and Emmi “The Carefree” and Julian liked it that way.

I remember your Mom telling me the story about the pink golf clubs you wanted when you went to the condo at Myrtle Beach (about age 8). You asked Mom for a set of pink golf clubs in the pro shop and your Mom said, "No Emmi, that would not be practical".  As Heather went to pay for her things.....there was your Dad standing at the counter paying for a set of pink golf clubs.  He smiled at Heather and said, "She's the only girl I've got".  Your Mom loved how much her Dad loved her!!!!

We didn't bring any extra tape to Emmi's game this day.  She needed to have tape over her earrings in order to play that day.  There was some athletic tape in the back of the vehicle that we found and used.  I took this picture to show Emmi how she looked with athletic tape on her ears.  I'm glad we forgot the regular tape that day...

You forwarded to me your plan for Camp Lilac Acres at our house this summer.  You, Julian, Greta and Ryan were going to be counselors and I was supposed to find children in Dassel who would come and, of course, I thought of the Holm children and other children in the area.  You had a special section for children with special needs because you understood diversity and had even planned games for all these children.  Your manners were also impeccable!! I will save these papers forever!!  And, of course, always typed in every color imaginable which is what you also did for our annual family Christmas play last year titled The Three Little Elves and the Big Bad Grinch.  I never seen so many colors typed in each and every letter for plays and plans.  I miss you so much!!!!

Emmi loved people!  In October this year I stayed with her and Julian for a couple days.  At some point during the weekend we were in her room.  She has a glass cabinet in her room with little knick knacks and misc items.  I had asked her about a wooden shoe in it, wondering if she got that in MN.  She went thru every single item in there telling me who she got it from, where it came from, etc...  I am so glad I took the time to listen to her.  I got to know her a little bit more that day... 

This is the story I'm thinking about tonight. 

“Bus Stop” on the trails, playing with Julian and the cousins, putting on plays, eating raspberries off the vine, swinging on the tire swing, playing and cleaning out the playhouse, painting garden pots in the gazebo, painting stones, feeding the birds, riding go-carts, boating, waterskiing on the lake, reading stories, putting on plays, baking cookies, omelet mornings, singing, roasting marshmallows, catching butterflies, kissing Grandpa, playing crazy 8, building blocks, sewing your quilt in the garden shed, camping, playing in the kids’ kitchen, “dressing up”, snuggling,  picking flowers, planting flowers for Mom and Dad in NC, taking rides in the tractor wagon, making Billy feel special, playing in the snow and making snow angels, croquet, biking/camping  in Lanesboro, your morning “messy hair”, playing hide and seek in and outside the house, (my clothes closet worked really well for that!) soccer games, Grandparent’s Days, your Mother’s Day gift one year to me that said “Life is good at Grandma’s”, the ornaments you gave to Grandpa that he never took down because you told him not to…..the list goes on and on and I don’t know where to end, but I do know the sighs of grief are so deep because of the deep love for you my angel grandchild.  You will be forever missed and those words just don’t convey the whole picture.  You are by my side constantly.  And, yes, I’ve never seen a child with such athletic ability and now I can brag about it.

When I was down visiting the kids in October Emmi showed me this board.  She had me "read" the braille guiding my hand over it.  Miss her!  Thanks for sharing this video!

Uncle Joel remembers loving the way Emmi's hair looked in the morning!

I had the great privilege of teaching both Julian and Emmi when they were 4 years old at FTCC Children's Center.  From this relationship, I became their baby-sitter.  I always had a good time hanging out with both Julian and Emmi.  They always gave hugs when I would come over and when I would leave.  Emmi loved to do her cart wheels in the house and she would have me roped in somehow helping her do handstands.  I started watching Duck Dynasty with Emmi and Jules and it became a ritual for us on Saturday mornings to watch episodes over and over again.  Emmi would be awake looking for me on these early mornings or she would be the first one up because she wanted her back scratched before Julian got up because he would want his back scratched too.  Sometimes I would come in the afternoon and have to bring my 4 year old niece with me and she was always excited to go with me and always asked me if Emmi would be there because she liked to play with Emmi.  When she got her phone and started texting me she would message me in the morning just to say "Have a good day" and more often her texts would end with "Jack" because Uncle Si was our favorite person on Duck Dynasty.  She had a sweet tooth and she liked my fudge when I would make it and she never knew that I made the fudge especially for her.  She was always grateful and appreciative for everything.  She was a true blessing and in her short life she touched many lives.  Emmi will always have a special place in my heart as well as Julian, Heather and Rich.  Love you Emmi, gone but not forgotten.

Oh Emmi, we all know how much you were loved and how you loved life and everything in it.  I smile as I think of how your Dad truely beamed when he would even mention your name.  Such a princess touching so many, many lives.  Our hearts are in so much pain knowing how you will be missed.  We ask that the Lord wrap His arms around your family.