Today we celebrate Emmi, but we have heavy hearts missing her physical presence. She truly was the best girl! Her giggling and laughter were contagious. She was compassionate way beyond her years. She always greeted her family and friends with a hug. She was always so patient and kind. Always putting others before herself and she was only 10 yrs. old.

Emmi 

Senior year has begun! So hard to believe. There have been the alumni game, breakfast, the senior march, and first round of tests, at the end of week 1. Today Jules takes the SAT with Drew.

Soccer games with Maca and Jimmy, homeless on Fridays, messing around with 4 wheelers, and of course, maintaining the truck.

I still run into your friends and classmates. I always imagine what you’d look like now, as you approach your 16th birthday. 

I hate that you’re gone. Miss you more everyday. 

Just wanted to say hi.

I love you always and forever... da

My dear Emmi

Yesterday was the annual run in honor of Ryan. Your FA coach was there running and cheering on her students, challenging them and helping them accomplish something beyond their imagination. I hadn’t run in almost 1 year, but I figured it was time to get back “in the race.”

The weather was horrible, as it often is. Cold and rainy, and yet there were many young girls there, running with their dads, enjoying the race and thrilled to be a part of something much bigger than themselves. 

I couldn’t help but visualize your presence on the course, running in some goofy costume, along side Jessie and your friends. 

Christmas is near. Will is getting his license on Monday, but you’d already be driving. Wonder what you’d want for Christmas? I love you and miss you and wish you were here.

sweet Emmi

Hard to believe Jules just finished his junior year, with honors. So proud of his hard work! He’s going to graduation tomorrow night, which I’m sure you would be attending as well, sending off your soccer teammates, as they head off to college. He took Maia to prom. They both looked great. You’d be getting ready for your driver’s license. I’m sure we’d be driving around town and you’d be thinking about your first car. 

Spent last Monday at Justin’s. His kids are so sweet and I know you’d be an ecstatic aunt. I miss you my princess and think about you most every second of every day. Please watch over us from heaven. Especially pray for Julian. I know he misses you tons .❤️❤️❤️Da

Wherever I look I see you

My office has a great view of the grape arbor where you and Greta painted stones.

The living room has a great view of the places where you ran through the sprinkler,

attempted to make a quilt in the garden shed, picked up pails of pine cones, rode the

go carts with your brother and cousins, raced around the house playing games, played

croquet and even brought your soccer ball from home to teach the other kids how to play

Catching frogs in the water barrel

Picking flowers in the garden

Each and every window brings a memory of something you were a part of and something

I will never forget

You are never forgotten

Each and every day

My gift to you, Julian and your parents is to live a life you would be proud of

Have joy though sometimes quite difficult!

Have confidence in choices even though they are difficult but better for the big picture

The purpose in growing is to become a better person until the day I see you again

And I know that is what you’d want and it’s a spiritual experience

Hang out with the frogs

And that is who I “hang out” with----people who understand, have compassion, aren’t

self centered, are thoughtful and truthful---they are just “there”. I am fortunate to have

those people in my life.

You have made a positive difference in so many lives due to the role models you had in

your life, the rules you had in your life and your understanding beyond your years.

You are with us always and I am beyond grateful for the lessons you have taught me and

the joy you always brought me and many others.

Love you always and forever,

Grandma

It’s hard to believe that I got that phone call 5 years ago today. I watched a movie yesterday about a little girl, who had lost her mom, said she worried that she would forget her one day. The nanny said to concentrate on some special moments, and those memories would never be forgotten. I will never forget our last hug, nor your wave goodbye through the airport window. I remember soccer practices; tears shed when the coach got angry; a soccer game in Wilson, when you held the ball by the corner flag, away from your defender and then dribbled out around her. My most vivid memory was holding your hand while walking into Harris Teeter. You taught me to slow down and to begin living life at the pace of my little girl. Profound. There were gymnastics in the living room; cuddles in my tv chair; apples and ice cream; frogs and chameleons. I miss your laughs and giggles and the singing in the shower. I often wonder what you’d look like and ponder what you’d be doing? I sit here craving your presence but know that you are with me every step and every breath of the way. 

I’m drinking a cup of coffee, getting ready for the annual 5K. I have a smile on my face, thinking about your last run dressed like a Christmas present. I was worried about your performance, but you only thought about having fun with your classmates and friends. It’s really cold today; probably as cold as that last run in 2012. I see pictures of us and you can tell I was freezing. I miss you. I miss our workouts together. You were a great athlete. Please run with me today. I’ll need your inspiration. I think it will be my first outside run since Boston . I love you sweetheart. XXOO❤️❤️

Mom started decorating the house yesterday, while Jules, Brandon and I were out cutting wood. As usual the place looks beautiful . Mom does such a nice job getting everything ready. We’ve already taken a Christmas photo, which only took about 1 1/2 hours this year (just kidding; actually 1 1/4). Next project will be decorating the tree, something you loved to do. I remember sitting back and watching you pick out an ornament and determining exactly where you wanted it to go. There was always excitement around our home, when your elf showed up to monitor your excellent behavior. We had multiple trees and you even decorated one in your bedroom. Christmas is such a bitter-sweet time. As we celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus, we tearfully remember your passing into heaven. They’ll be candy canes and Christmas music, yet it’s just not the same without you. I love you sweet angel and truly miss you more and more, each and every day . ❄️⛄️

Happy Birthday sweet angel. I'm sitting in my chair wishing you were here to spend some alone time with me, before mom and Jules roll out of bed. Wondering what you would have wanted for your birthday? There would have been clothes( no doubt) and maybe some jewlery. You would have wanted some friends over to help celebrate.

Candles, cake, and wrapping paper strewn about. There would be laughter and singing and smiles galore. 

Oh how I miss you. All my love: Dad

Dear Emmi

It's the beginning of fall and soccer season is well underway. Jules is taller than you could ever have imagined, and starting on defense. We sit in the bleachers cheering him on; seeing your classmates come and go, waiting for you to stroll by, with that huge grin on your face. Asking for money to buy a snack, probably entertaining a toddler, or playing with someone's dog. I don't take a breath, without thinking of you. I constantly think about what you would look like. How tall would you be; what would you be wearing these days? You'd be starting driver's ed this year. Crazy! I miss your smile, your laughter, your hugs and kisses. I miss our daddy- daughter time. Please know that I love you. I'm sitting here all alone on a Saturday morning, wishing you'd come cuddle with me, as we started our day. Hugs and kisses my sweet angel.❤️

We opened presents on Christmas morning and got everyone ready for the annual Minnesota Christmas vacation. We kissed goodbye, with lots of hugs,and I asked you and Jules to be extra good for mom. I'd be following in a few days and told you that I was going to miss you. You cleared security at the airport and I vividly remember your last smile, as we waved through the glass window.

It was near the end of my day, when mom called to tell me that you were hurt. Never in my imagination, did I ever think that I would never hear your voice again, or watch you play soccer, or hear you sing, or see the joy in your eyes, as you played with a puppy or a friend's little child.

It's been 4 years. I still cry for your presence. I still want to feel your hand in mine. I still want to cuddle up with you on the couch and run my fingers through your silky blonde hair.

Today, I'll take Julian skiing in the NC mountains, thinking of you,and wishing you were here. I love you more than yesterday and hope your 4th year anniversary in heaven is filled with magic, love, and laughter.

Happy Golden Birthday Emmi!

Even though we know you are in heaven experiencing more golden moments that we could ever hope to know until we join you, we still miss you terribly.  We continue on this earthly journey and hope we can bring golden moments to others. You have missed tragedy, loneliness, heartbreak, sabotage, defeat, and heartaches.  Your life was filled with anything but that and I can only say that I am so happy to know and believe that your heavenly life far outshines anything that we think is beautiful on earth because we only see with human eyes.

True beauty lies within and when we see it, we know it. No words need to be spoken about it.  It shines, just like you. A humble life of honesty, grace, and living joyfully is because we know who is for us and not against us.

You are your Dad’s, Mom’s and Julian’s guardian angel---unseen---but felt. I live with this assurance.  You are all in our hearts daily and we speak of you often. I am so thankful for your life, how you have impacted so many people unknowingly and all the lessons you taught us through a child’s life. 

We continue to love you,

Grandma

Sending hugs to the Barbaro family. 

Spent some time at the beach this weekend, one of Emmi's favorite places to visit. There were always rides on the boat, with hopes and expectations of trips out to the ocean for a little dolphin watching. Trips to the mall for ice cream cones or Dippin Dots. Salads and chicken fingers were always on the dinner menu. Hamburger Joes, creme brûlée , walks on the beach, endless hours on her boogie board... Oh how I miss you sweet Emmi. Jules is driving now; Can you believe it? You always loved rides in the jeep with the top down! 

Love you bunches❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Today is the 3rd anniversary of Emmi's heavenly journey. It seems like just yesterday. Every last moment spent with her, every detail of losing her, every emotion I felt, every detail. It is every parent's worst mental and physical nightmare. Just processing it all, at times seems almost humanly impossible.
Emmi has a story just like each and every one of us. She may have only been 10 years old when she left us, but had a story that was beyond her years. She was the happiest girl you would ever meet. She was so compassionate and was so concerned about others. She loved her family and friends and showed them and told them. She had huge dreams, but was a very simple girl. She was creative, ambitious, and competitive, but was also an encourager. She was excited to accomplish anything she set her sights on, but was so happy to see others do the same. Her words and love fill our hearts.
Life is very difficult without her. The love and support from everyone is just amazing! We are surrounded by such loving family, friends, and community. I listen to the song, Just Be Held by Casting Crowns alot. I think of all of you and how you have all supported us. You have all helped us in this journey in every way and we are so thankful.
In my darkest hours, I know I am being held by Emmi and by our Heavenly Father. It brings me such peace. I miss her more than is imagineable, but find comfort in knowing I will see her again one day.
I hope this Christmas season and New Year you all feel happiness and peace. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all your love and support.

Tomorrow is our snow angel day- "Angels for Emmi"  We finally have snow here in Minnesota. Where will your angel be? The beach, pool, grass, snow, maybe your living room floor, etc... We would love to see what state or country you'll be making your angel from so please post a video or picture on the Facebook page for the Emmi Barbaro Random Acts of Kindness or here if you don't have Facebook.  Have a blast tomorrow!!!

It's Christmas morning and mom and Jules are still asleep. Santa has come and the presents are waiting to be opened, still wrapped and tucked beneath the branches of the tree. The pickle ornament, that you loved to search for, isn't deeply hidden. Instead, it's prominently displayed; just one more symbol of your presence (and sadly, your absence) on this holy celebration of Christ's birth. 

What would you have wanted? As a 13 year old, there would have been clothes, jewelry, and make up. Possibly something electronic. And certainly requests for another puppy. 

There would have been screams of exhilaration, as you excitedly unwrapped a gift. Followed by hugs and kisses and multiple "thank yous."

I wish you were here today, as we attempt to get through this day and the days to follow. You are always in our thoughts; your name is spoken daily; and forever in our hearts. Merry Christmas sweet angel.

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY LITTLE ANGEL!


Thinking of you and the family on this special day!



The Bellamy's    

Today as I honor Emmi on her 13th birthday, I decided to make her favorite bread and some soup. The soup contains vegetables from our garden. It includes parsnips, potatoes, onions, carrots, beans, celery, squash, spinach and tomatoes plus beef, barley and farro.  Emmi loved vegetables!!  There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t eat and, of course, she loved Mt. Olive pickles. As I was cutting up the root vegetables that most children don’t like, I knew she would eat them all.  There just wasn’t anything she wouldn’t eat!!  She loved her fruit and vegetables.  How many children are like that? This is a small thing to many but a big thing to me.  She reminds me of the wholesomeness that homemade bread and soup bring to our lives.  She lived by example and appreciated small things. Emmi was unique in so many ways and it’s all of these little things that make me miss her so much.  Her spirit moves me in so many ways both privately and publicly.  Thinking beyond oneself is a tribute I give to her; as well as, finding  joy in the positive and staying  away from the negative.  Some people live a lifetime without finding a simple joyful lifestyle, but she was “born with it” and lived it. “I just want you to be happy”.  Simple.  Wholesome.  Just like homemade bread and soup.  I miss you so much Emmi Barbaro each and every day.... Happy 13th birthday!!  Love, Grandma

Happy birthday sweet angel. I can only hope your day is filled with memories of your family, knowing that we miss you ineffably and wish you were here to celebrate your life. So instead, we celebrate without you. Your legacy continues, as we embrace your commitment to loving and caring for others . I love you so very much and will keep you close throughout the day. Watch over us and guide us to be better people.All my love. Dad

I never knew Emmi, nor have I heard much but all I have heard has been good. I now know one of Emmi's friends, Olivia. I wish I would have been able to meet her. I play soccer also as I know she does.
God has had a plan through out all of the trouble and pain. She has touched y'alls hearts and is now touching Gods. She is always around and now she can spend countless hours loving from above. 
forever missed not only by loved ones but by people on the outside like me
Emmi 
I know I have never met you and i know this may be alittle strange but........
Be free my love and thank you for touching hearts.  
Play soccer for me up there, run with the dogs because they all go to heaven too. 
Dance like you will not be able to later. 
Talk to your relatives for hours on end. 
Smile so that the sky can be blue and clear, 
and before you know it we will all be there to be with you. 
See you later <3
lots of love, 
-Kate Boenisch 
 

Emmi, I miss you so very much. I was thinking about you today, and remembered this one soccer game we had. I remember you were playing right and center defense at the time. It was the last game I ever played with you. I remember turning to the sideline and seeing your dad telling you "Emmi, you got this, play consistent and the game will treat you well." I remember you looking over to him and said "Ok dad, love you." I just thought of some soccer game memories and I miss having you on FSC. FSC really misses you and everyone in the whole world loves and misses you. Well Emmi, I have to say, not only were you a perfect child now you are a perfect angel.
Olivia Martin <3 

April 2nd, 2015---Appx.1:30 p.m.
Sitting in my favorite chair                                                                               Sitting in the arbor                                                                                   Looking at a gift I got from Heather 5 years ago or farther                                                       The sign:                                                           “Leave room in your garden for angels to dance”
                                                                                                                             A bird sat right on top of it…                                                                             “What amazing gifts my daughters brought me”                                      The gift of love and laughter                                                                            Sincerity and joy                                                                                            Unselfishness towards those she knows                                                      The most amazing girl and boy!

I knew not what this bird would bring                                                               It perched close on my right                                                                              I thought as I would turn and look                                                                    It soon would take its flight                                                                               But much to my surprise                                                                                     It looked upon my face                                                                                       And didn’t seem to have a rush                                                                         To leave this quiet place

It finally left…

I began to think “it’s brought a gift to me"                                                     To my surprise it returned once more                                                             And flew down by my knee                                                                                 The most amazing thing that I have ever seen                                               Unfolded as I watched                                                                                       As my hands were folded in a prayer                                                               In my place of sanctuary                                                                                     It lit upon my hands                                                                                             As if it were a fairy

Light and soft and beautiful                                                                               It sang two words of song                                                                                 It brought the gift of reassurance                                                                     That miracle’s belong

In quiet places, times of peace and simple living things                               We never know when they will come                                                               It’s when God’s nature sings
       
My prayers today are birthday prayers                                                             For daughter, life and love                                                                               For Emmis present heavenly life                                                                 Her presence like a dove………………

The miracle I’ll not forget                                                                                   Was not a plan of mine                                                                                       So look around in quiet times                                                                           And see the Son’s love shine!

And………You can take this to the bank Jack!

We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. ~ C.S. Lewis 

Today will forever be marked as the day Emmi went to heaven. It is hard to type that sentence even 2 years later. My daughter, my sweet baby girl. 

I remember driving home from the hospital with snow falling from the sky and tears rolling down my cheeks. The pain of leaving my girl can not be described in words. How was I suppose to live for the next 40 to 50 years without her here? I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks. The pain was overwhelming. Family, friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers doing their best to brighten our day. So much love, but so much heartache. After awhile I started focusing on things I shouldn’t. People would say, “she is in a better place”, “time will make things better”, “have you thought about counseling?”, “have you gone through the stages of grief yet?”. It goes on and on and on. Someone would say, “I know how you feel my Grandma just died” or “I just lost my uncle and I totally understand.” Did they really understand? One day as I was riding in the car I was just analyzing everything. I realized pain is pain. Your greatest pain is YOUR greatest pain. We only know our own greatest pain and you can not compare pain. We only know the pain which we personally have endured. As I have written before, I always think of Jesus’ mother Mary. How could she watch her own son being nailed to the cross? It is almost more than the mind can handle. As a mother, she had to do the unthinkable.

I have always felt so lucky to be Julian and Emmi’s mom. It has always been so important to me that they are kind and happy kids. As long as I can remember, I’ve told them being kind and loving to each other and everyone else is one of the most important things they can do in life. Believing and living a Christ filled life will fill your heart with kindness and love. As I look back on Emmi’s short 10 years here on earth, I see a heart that was overflowing with kindness and love. That is how I will always remember her. 

Her greatest message to me was so simple. Be kind. We are all on this journey of life together. We are one. Realize everyone has pain. Realize everyone has happiness. Love one another. Hug, laugh, cry, and smile with those around you. 

For the past 2 years we have been given the gift of amazing kindness from so many people. We have filled our hearts with your love and are forever grateful.

Emmi, I love you and miss you sweet girl. 

I was at the post-office last Wednesday, waiting in line to pick up a package. Despite my current >12 hour work days including weekends, I was finally able to sneak away in between surgeries to pick up what I figured was Mikey and my Save the Dates. Even though we checked and double checked that they were supposed to be sent to my parents’ house in Dassel just in time for Thanksgiving break, what else could a package from Shutterfly mean? As I stood waiting Emmi crossed my mind as she does often, and I had a funny thought hit me: What if God and Emmi puts things in my life for me to see or hear it and remind me that they are there/love me, and I totally miss it because of my seemingly busy life? I heard from a friend once that we sometimes forget that our communication with God is just as much listening as it is talking, like any other conversation, and He can speak to us in so many ways - just imagine what all more he might be saying if we just pay attention. That’s something that has always stuck with me, but in the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to forget to slow down and appreciate this until I’m subtly reminded. I admittedly paused for a second to look around, excited that there might even be something there now. I didn't see anything particular however. 

I was called up next to get my package. The post office man searched for a while, and when he found it brought it to me and said, “That will be $9.60 please.”  “$9.60?” I asked.  He proceeded to tell me that apparently I was charged for them to forward it to me in Waconia, even though we had purposely addressed it to Dassel. I explained to him that it didn’t make sense that there should be a charge since it didn’t go where I wanted it to (not to mention much more inconvenient to have to get away from work to get it here vs. home), and that I didn’t even have any money on me besides. He said he would talk to the manager and see what he could do.

Minutes went by and still nobody came back. I started to get nervous as we had a surgery starting in 7 minutes, and although my Attending knew I had gone to the post-office, it’s still not cool to be late for your boss, especially one with high expectations. I was thankful that the postman was taking the time to talk to his manager since I didn’t have any way to get back in the afternoon with money (and thus would miss the opportunity to address everything over Thanksgiving break with my family), but I also didn’t know how much longer I could stick around without getting in trouble. Just about as I was about to leave to hurry to the surgery, he came back. “I’m sorry but we still have to charge you the $9.60, no exceptions.” “So, you’re telling me that even though I specifically addressed it to Dassel and wanted it to go there, I have to pay to go out of my way to pick it up here?” I didn’t know what else to say. It seemed unfair, and to top it off I had no way to come back and pay for it. Before either one of us could say anything more, a lady who was standing behind me in line came forward with a $10 bill. “Here, let me get it for you.” I was even more out of words. A complete stranger. She handed the post-man the money and I had to hold back as I could feel my eyes well up with tears. “I’m sorry…you don’t have to do that…” I started to stammer but she said, “I know, but I want to. Have a Happy Thanksgiving with your family.” I gave her a big hug and told her, “Thanks, you don’t  know what that means to me right now” and headed out the door.

I was almost shaking as I went to my car, overwhelmed by how kind what she did was. It may be the kindest thing a complete stranger has ever done for me. It wasn’t until later driving however when I suddenly remembered how earlier I had been thinking about how easy it is to miss heavenly things if we aren’t listening. I had to laugh as I thought about for all the times that we’ve done random acts of kindness in Emmi’s name and to have that happen just moments after thinking about it - it seemed like more or a shout then a whisper! And here, I might have just missed it, if I hadn’t been paying attention :)

My November 2 Facebook post:
A year ago I started this Ironman journey. The pain of losing Emmi was just unbearable. I decided this training would keep my mind occupied slightly. Many hours were spent swimming, biking, and running. So many teammates and friends have spent time with us training. There are so many of you and I have to say thank you for the hours and hours you put in training with us. The support was incredible! Julian has been such a huge supporter for us and also our biggest fan. He misse...s his sister more than we can describe, but continues to have more strength than we imagined. We love you and you are an amazing kid! Where would I be without Rich? My husband and training partner. Your confidence in me and your love for me is incredible. I love you and cherish our relationship. Yesterday I cried many times on the course for Emmi. For most, she is a memory. For me, she is my daughter and she is present with me always and I miss her incredibly. This was not a race for me. It was an experience. One I'll never forget. The physical pain I had yesterday did not come close to the mental pain I've endured. Rich, Julian and Emmi we got it done. We are Ironmen!

The hardest days are days like this and so I try to remember the purpose of your life on earth.  This brings me some sense of joy.  You were the teacher--although the adults are usually considered the teachers.  I believe children are sent by God to teach the adults important lessons we need to know in life and when that child is taken from us to our heavenly home, the lessons go on and on as we remember His purpose.  You have taught us so much more than we ever knew in all the years before you.  We have been blessed by you in our lives!!  We have made changes in our lives and we remember with gratitude the time we had with you, the time with have with others, and we look forward to a glorious reunion with you!  I love all my grandchildren so much. I know that you are especially Julian’s guardian angel and I’m thankful for that.  I have spent the day reading and meditating.  When I played the harp the other day, I felt you were with me, except with wings and the music touched my heart immensesly! Last night the evening sunset was lit up with blazing orange candles and today our maple trees were also ablaze….all in celebration of your birthday.  The beauty was phenomenal!!   Our loved ones live on in the vivid memories of the things they taught us. Today I sat with the birds in
the arbor.  “Because of her, he had learned to look for the birds—the darting flight of wild canaries (yellow sun on yellow sings), the chesty preening of redbirds and blue birds, the blackbird with the red-tipped wings like startling epaulets”~TK   From your Grandma

Rich's Facebook post today:

Two years ago today, we celebrated this beautiful girl's last earthly birthday. Today we celebrate her legacy. A little girl with a huge heart. She lived to make people laugh and smile. Never an ill word spoken about another, she noticed only the good in others. Winning didn't matter. Having fun with her friends did. She didn't need to cross the finish line first; she'd rather finish side by side with her friends. Always on the go...Whether it was climbing her favorite back yard tree, tumbling, flipping, or skating in the driveway, she did it with happiness and joy. Sleep was the last thing she contemplated. The last to go to bed and always the first to rise. She loved to cuddle. Animals were truly gifts from God. Always wanted a new puppy, or a new baby sister. She had to be happy with the frogs, turtles, lizards, and snakes she'd find. The last picture taken of Emmi was one holding an injured bird.
Please remember our precious angel today as you tackle yet another busy day. Maybe, you could hug your kids and tell them that you love them. Let your spouse know how happy you are that you are married. And....Maybe, you can take the time to look in the mirror and see all of your own goodness; cherish your own special talents; realize that you are unique and needed in this world. Emmi would have appreciated you just for who you are.
So, happy birthday sweet girl. Today you would have turned 12. There'd be candles to blow out, cake to eat, and presents to open. And you would have said goodnight with big fat hugs and many thank yous. Have a great day in heaven. We miss you so much!
XXOO Dad 

Dear Emmi,


I just want to wish you a 12th Birthday today!  You are the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful niece anyone could ask for.  I hope you enjoy your day in heaven.  Hugs.

Love,
  Aunt Carrie      

Emmi loved to wrap herself up in quilts and when she especially liked one, I told her she could take it home and she would take it back to NC.  She loved to come out to the garden shed in the summer and play in the bunk beds with singing books or just “play house” with Greta or hide from the boys.  It was such an enjoyable place for her to be.  One summer before Greta arrived she needed something to do so I asked her if she would like to start working on a quilt.  She was very excited about it as she was about everything in life and asked if we could start right away!!  I let her pick out the fabric from the bins of fabric I had and then she cut very small pieces and placed them as she wanted them in the quilt.  When it was time to sew I was a little wary of letting her use the machine so we had a lesson on keeping your fingers away from the needle and she was, once again, anxious to start her project.  After sewing some of the pieces together she decided to move on to playing outside and so for the next two summers we added a few more pieces (and, of course, it had to be pink and blue).  The quilt is so precious and, although undone, it is a loving memory placed in my garden shed of the precious times we spent together alone in the garden shed where she would also color in books or I would read stories to her.  There are so many special memories of Emmi in a place where I now sit and remember all the good times, but yearn daily for the granddaughter now in heaven and I see her in so many places at unexpected times.  Her legacy lives on forever and ever!!  

I will never forget the first time I heard Emmi say this.  She said it to her cousin (my niece) Greta.  Her and Greta were in the back of my vehicle with Emmi sitting in the middle.  I could see her in my rear view mirror getting buckled in, laughing with Greta as they tried to close the door and hold a bowl of Jello that I made them.  Bad idea...neither of them liked it.  Emmi sat in the middle because Greta's legs were longer.  Both Emmi and I said we wished we had Greta's long legs.  At that age Greta was talking about how she didn't like having long legs.  I remember it so clearly as I was backing up my vehicle, the sun shining in the back seat and them talking about their legs.  And Emmi said "it's not a big deal.  Just pretend you're a tomato.  All you do is get sliced and eaten."  I thought that's what she said but I asked her what she said.  "Just pretend you're a tomato.  All you do is get sliced and eaten."  I thought that was so cute and just assumed that her funny dad taught her that.  Even before Emmi died I would think about her saying that all the time.  It's just something that I love so much about her.    She brought humor in to a conversation to make somebody feel better.  Many times when I saw Emmi I would say that same phrase to Emmi or she would say it to me.  If she knew I was second guessing something about myself, she would say it.  I would also use the phrase with people all the time and say that that's what my niece Emmi would say.  I just assumed this was a common saying around the house.  I found out it wasn't.  After Emmi died (that is still hard to say, type or write) I wanted to know where she learned it from.  Nobody knew... 

Maybe this was a phrase for me to cling to for many reasons but they were words of hers.  Words of encouragement and love.  Words that seem so silly yet are felt so deep. 


I love you Emmi!  I think about you all the time and wonder at the exact moment what you are doing.  It feels like hundreds of times a day.   What is heaven really like?  I know you now know.  I see you in people faces, in nature, in the clouds and sometimes out of the corner of my eye in a quick little spark of light. 

Your Uncle Eric and I miss you oh so much!    You were so, so good to us!  I wish you were here to say "Just pretend your a tomato, all you do is get sliced and eaten"
  

It's been almost 14 months. I have taken it day by day and sometimes hour by hour. Grief is so tough. The word grief is too short and too easy to say. The meaning of the word and the sound of the word don't match up to the pain that it describes.
I have come to realize that where we are emotionally today is how the rest of our lives will be. This is as good as it gets. This is our new here and now. It is truly a struggle, but we have learned to really dig deep to deal with this forever pain.
Most of the pain is dealing with every day issues. Going through the Target girl section or passing by Justice knowing Emmi would love to look around is tough. Going out to a restaurant and having the waitress remove the 4th place setting at the table is still just heartbreaking. Riding in the car without the voice of Emmi singing EVERY single song makes the silence send me into tears. Looking over at Emmi's favorite chair that she sat in watching her Disney shows brings pain to the heart. These are just a few examples of every day pain.
We are in a new normal and we learning the new ropes. Family and friends have kept us afloat. Faith is more important than ever. We have been given a life to live and are grateful for it even during the most difficult times. We are still happy and enjoy wonderful times. Emmi is always so close to our hearts and we are reminded of her in so many ways. Her happy heart keeps us smiling and laughing. She will forever remind us to hug a little tighter and smile a little longer.
 

Missing our girl time. Always thinking of my girl.
Mom 

"One In A Million"

Today I'm watching snowflakes
Falling to the ground
Reminding me of winter
Where memories are found

A million different snowflakes
Falling from the sky
Not one's alike, melting soon
And all will say goodbye

The "droplets" made from clouds above
Arrangements made "by chance"
Ten quintillion water molecules
Make up each flake and dance

When you see a snowflake
It's arms reach to the earth
Remember its' simple blessings
of wonder and "rebirth".

They will come back again and again
Year after year-----
With purity and the promise
Of truth beyond our fear

Emmi made us all reflect
On what was "simply" great!
She was----"one in a million"
Her victory--heaven's gate.                             

“NEVER GIVE UP”

No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is going on around you
"Never give up”

― Dalai Lama XIV

 Last week I had the pleasant surprise of having one small lone rose bloom on one of our John Cabot Roses despite all other plants having frozen back, even the hardy mums and the trees vacant of leaves.  We’ve had hard freezing temperatures for many days here in Minnesota (even snow) and this rose gives me hope and reassurance of the beauty and strength we can all possess despite grief. I think we are sent beautiful gifts of nature to reassure us that there is even more beautiful life beyond this earth.  We just can’t see……………   I thought of the lyrics of a popular song that was sung some years back and decided to post “The Rose”.   I will post a picture of the rose tomorrow.  I took a picture of it today as the plant and the rose continually bloom.    Delicate, red and beautiful.            Grandma

  “The Rose”

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.