June 19, 2018
June 19, 2018
Dearest Papa, I never celebrated your birthday, probably two or five in the last few years we were together, may be a little more or none of your birthdays. Still on your 90th birthday, I tried, except it did not work; and yet ten years ago, I recall we went to church for the best celebration ever, I still evoke it today, it still stir up in my mind. This hour, this day, this year, I should have celebrated with prayers for your 99 years birthday, instead I cry. I cry since 2009/2002 and still cry. I cry today missing to be with you this very day. I miss you, miss you, and miss you dearly. You were always beside me, without omission, at all times beyond the call of hours. But these days, Syoum Negash I felt deeply your absence more than ever, I felt the emptiness, I felt like a vaccum, everything swept before me. Syoum Negache I tried very hard, but cannot control myself not to cry. I must confess my anger is increasing daily, angry with myself, angry at the world, angry at everything and angry angry…. I tried to replace my anger with prayers, I tried to replace my cry with prayers; but it is so hard; it feels easier to be angry and to cry. I tried my best Syoum Negache, I really tried; especially not to get God angry with me but I am getting weaker, and frail, and helpless. I pray Syoum Negache; I pray the way you thought me, I pray. Syoum Negache I know you are in a better place, and I know deeply God took you to prove to me He takes the best ones to be with Him. I am feeling it, but these days Syoum Negache it is getting harder than the first day. I am lacking strength on all counts. Syoum Negache pray for me. May you have the best birthday. Your daughter who is missing you dearly, until we meet… may be that is when I will stop crying.