Just a little observation as we reach March birthdays (Daniel, Lynn, Michael) and Gabe's most challenging gift month: Daniel and Pat are now members of AARP! Ack!!! I must be old!

One of Gabe's stock phrases was either "thanking you" (or "no thanking you"). We are always "thanking you" since we are fortunate to have a good life -- considering. :)

Gabe would have been really upset over the last two Sooner games. We were on a winning roll and then even lost to the OSU Cowboys in the Bedlam game! He loved the Sooners, but as with all OU fans, thought they should win every time. Alas, the world doesn’t work that way. Even the best fail sometimes. They say it makes you appreciate success when it happens. Sickness makes you appreciate feeling well. Weakness makes you appreciate strength. I celebrate when I can still do something I could do in my youth. Michael and I are now 78 and very aware of our limitations, but very grateful for the amazing things we have seen and done and experienced. We have been blessed with a wonderful life with only one horrible tragedy – the death of our beloved Gabriel Andres. No parent should lose a child. I can’t even imagine what’s happening to families in Israel and Gaza. Life is not fair.

FROM MICHAEL: 

The death and loss of a child are frequently called the ultimate tragedy. Nothing can be more devastating. Along with the usual symptoms and stages of grief, many issues make parental bereavement particularly difficult to resolve. And this grief over the loss of a child can be exacerbated and complicated by feelings of injustice — the understandable feeling that this loss should never have happened.
The relationship between parents and their children is among the most intense in life. Much parenting centers on providing and doing for children, even after they have grown up and left home. A child’s death prevents you from carrying out your parenting role as you have imagined it, as it is “supposed” to be. You may feel an overwhelming sense of failure for no longer being able to care for and protect your child, duties that you expected to fulfill for many years.
It must be remembered that bereaved parents can mourn the death and loss of a child of any age and that it feels unnatural to outlive a child. It does not make a difference whether your child is four or forty-four when your son or daughter dies. The emotion is the same. All bereaved parents lose a part of themselves. 

August 30: Gabe would be 51 today and he only talks to me in my dreams. He sure packed a lot of living into his 44 years. According to MobyGames (https://www.mobygames.com/person/73531/gabe-mares/companies/), he was credited on many games:

#1) 67 credits on 15 games publishing label by, developed by, published by Xbox Game Studios between 2002 and 2017
#2) 59 credits on 12 games published by, middleware by Microsoft Corporation between 2002 and 2017
#3) 46 credits on 8 games developed by, additional development by Turn 10 Studios between 2007 and 2017
#4) 44 credits on 8 games with additional graphics by Glass Egg Digital Media Ltd. between 2007 and 2017
#5) 44 credits on 8 games with additional graphics by Dhruva Interactive between 2007 and 2017
#6) 18 credits on 6 games with sound engine by Firelight Technologies Pty. Ltd. between 2011 and 2017
#7) 15 credits on 6 games developed by, additional programming by, additional development by Playground Games Ltd between 2012 and 2017
#8) 7 credits on 5 games distributed by Microsoft S. de R.L. de C.V. between 2007 and 2017
#9) 32 credits on 4 games with additional graphics by Valkyrie Entertainment, LLC between 2007 and 2013
#10) 17 credits on 4 games with additional graphics by ACME Digital Content between 2009 and 2017
#11) 13 credits on 3 games with additional graphics by Kaarbo Design between 2009 and 2013
#12) 13 credits on 3 games with middleware by Epic Games Tools LLC between 2002 and 2017
#13) 10 credits on 3 games developed by, published by Graphsim Entertainment Inc. between 1997 and 2005
#14) 8 credits on 3 games voice production by, additional sound by Side UK Ltd. between 2012 and 2016
#15) 6 credits on 3 games additional development by, developed by Sumo Digital Ltd (Sheffield) between 2014 and 2017
#16) 11 credits on 2 games with additional graphics by RABCAT Computer Graphics GmbH between 2009 and 2012
#17) 7 credits on 2 games with additional graphics by Virtuos Ltd. between 2013 and 2017
#18) 7 credits on 2 games with additional sound by Audio Guys Limited, The between 2013 and 2017
#19) 6 credits on 2 games with additional graphics by sample & hold Ltd between 2012 and 2016
#20) 6 credits on 2 games with motion capture by Audiomotion Studios Ltd. between 2012 and 2016

On the day he started 8th grade this year, my grand-nephew declared he wants to be a video-game programmer. I’m sure the talent is in his genes!

51 years of being a mother! I was so fortunate to have Gabe and Daniel, two wonderful boys, then men, who both still make me laugh. Even though Gabe is gone, we pretty much know what he would think or say about our lives now. Meanwhile, we don’t have to guess what Daniel would say. He’s so quick with the retorts and keeps us alert and smiling.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace ... John Lennon

Looking back to the memory of the dance we shared ... all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye. And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

--Tony Arata (sung by Garth Brooks)

“I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro´
Gleams that untraveled world, whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move.”

Ulysses – Alfred Tennyson

I told Nedra it wasn't just when our kids were playing at Pymatuning with plenty of muddy feet, but Gabe and Danny were -and are - always a joy. They were always caring, smart and fun. We are fortunate parents!

We are such stuff / As dreams are made on; and our little life / Is rounded with a sleep
— THE TEMPEST

So glad that in Gabe's little life he filled it with so many wonderful things and knew so many awesome people. 

Always thinking of Gabriel and . . . of your family.

What good memories of Gabe and Danny, Nathan, Tonya and Kristin - grubby little kids with muddy feet, always having a good time. Hope you are doing well and enjoying your grandchildren.

Laughed at the tribute about concert in Dallas, leaving the engine running!

We are always happy and grateful to hear from Gabe’s friends. This website has been far better than a funeral since most of his friends and co-workers are scattered hither and yon. I can definitely see Gabe, Cameron and Guy rushing to see Erasure and leaving the car running. Gabe had lots of adventures in his life and most of them were funny. Thanks, Guy, for your message. We needed another laugh!

I was listening to music this afternoon that reminded me of Gabe, and decided to look up and see what happened to him. How sad I was to see that he passed - I hadn't seen him in decades. He and I were friends in the late 80's early 90's through computer groups, and we went to some concerts together in Dallas a few times. A humorous memory of Gabe - He and I (and his friend Cameron) once drove to see an Erasure concert in Dallas. I will never forget that night because Gabe left the car running and locked (we were in a rush I guess, and we just didn't notice that it was still running). After the concert was completed and we went back to the car, we discovered that it was still running, and spent some hours trying to get back into it before it ran out of gas. I'm sure Cameron would remember that night, too, and laugh about it.

He was a great guy, and I'm very sad to see that he's not with us any longer.

AUGUST 30 2022
Birthdays don’t really count after you die, but what would have been Gabe’s 50th birthday counts a lot to the family he left behind. In the last six years he could have seen Abigail turn into a teenager and start high school. He could have seen what a great student and graceful dancer she is. He could have seen her ride bikes with her Dad. He had her pictures on his mantle and really enjoyed interacting with her. He could have enjoyed Santa Fe and the gorgeous views of clouds, mountains, and sunsets with us. He could have taken more amazing photos and composed some more music. He could have programmed more exciting games. He could have entertained his co-workers with his insight and humor. He could have seen his “little” brother and his sister, Daniel and Pat, take up “’lectric biking” to explore Norman and vicinity. He could have called us almost every day and told us about good movies to watch. He could have, and would have, kept everything in perspective with his ”first-world problem” reminders. There has been only one real tragedy in our lives and it was losing Gabriel.

Sunday was my 50th Mother’s Day and, like most anniversaries, made Gabe’s loss especially sad again. But, I have joined the club of mothers all over the world and in every era who have lost children and, probably for most, in circumstances much much worse. I have had an exceptionally privileged life and so did Gabe. He was always putting everything in perspective. Most of our problems have been “first world problems” and he would remind us of that all the time. We can still hear his voice and, at 77, have an easier time of keeping things in perspective.

Thank you, Nedra. We did indeed have some wonderful times with you and your kids. We are so grateful for all the good things we've had in life. We have been very fortunate and events such as the criminal war in Ukraine emphasize what a great life Gabe and all of us have had. Thank you so much for your friendship! 

Dear Lynn and Michael and Danny and all,

My thoughts are with you so very often. Many, many times the kids and I will have a fun memory of the good times together.

Please know that we all care. The pictures are helpful, showing happiness and a good time. Love you!

"Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost - 1874-1963
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

"To weep is to make less the depth of grief."

-William Shakespeare

I'll be home for Christmas -- if only in YOUR dreams.

Five years ago, our world was shattered. Contrary to what a doctor told me when I started crying at the question, “How many children do you have?’, we didn’t “get over it” in a year. Luckily we can remember so many good times with the whole family and are so grateful for having such caring, smart, amazing and ethical children and granddaughter. Gabe, Daniel, Pat and Abigail are all still making us proud and making us laugh.

"I knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. You didn't get past something like that, you got through it."

- Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart

Oh I know, I know, I know
We're only human
But we're capable of kindness
So they call us Humankind.

--“Humankind” by Coldplay

Oh, when you love somebody
When you love somebody
Got to let somebody know

So when you love somebody
When you love somebody
Then it hurts like so
To let somebody go
…
But you're still with me now, I know

--“Let Somebody Go” by Coldplay & Selena Gomez

I only met Gabriel once in Lincoln, Nebraska, when his family was passing through, I think moving from Pittsburgh to Norman. So, I never got to know him or his brother, Daniel. But both my wife and I got to know Gabe's folks well in Andalgala, Argentina, when Mike and I were both doing our doctoral field research with the same biological program. Even though I never knew Gabe, if he was anything like Lynn and Mike, I'm sorry I never got the chance to know him. Gabe had to have had a great sense of humor because his father had us and everyone else in the program laughing constantly. And he must have been patient and kind and wise thanks to his mother genes. So, I guess all I can do is imagine what Gabriel must have been like and the positive force he was in the lives of his friends and relatives for 44 years. And, I'm certain that he will go on being a positive force in the minds and hearts of those who were fortunate enough to have known him.

Yes, it’s insane that Gabe is gone. He would be 49 today and we mourn what he has missed and will never see. There is no pain like losing a child, but we have to be grateful for what we had. It is so comforting to hear from people who worked with him. We only got to meet a couple of them, but are so happy to hear their memories of his good work and his humble (and funny) nature. We are mindful every day of the swift passage of time and want to savor every moment – including remembering Gabe’s passion for photography, music, programming and all. Luckily, he’s been spared the frustration of this increasingly political and violent time. In Argentina, where Gabriel was born, a common phrase in obituaries is “La muerte lo sorprendió” (Death surprised him). I have long thought dying suddenly would be a good way to go, but a terrible shock for those left behind. I try to be glad death surprised Gabriel, but it continues to be devastating for us. We will celebrate today by watching one of Gabe’s favorite movies, "When Harry Met Sally". He often quoted it and many other movies. In fact the whole family quotes movies and I sometimes wonder if we have any original thoughts.  “You look like a normal person...”

It's insane that Gabe is gone. Many of us from the Forza team were together overseas when we got the terrible news, and no one could wrap our heads around it. I had worked with him since his time in the Sports studio, and have always admired his coding skill, his quiet confidence, and humble nature. I still smile thinking about the depth to which he would engage in (and share) his passions, whether that be sports, photography, or synthesizers. I rarely got to work directly with him for the last 5-6 years he was with us, but I always grinned when I saw him in the halls as I knew I was in for a fun conversation. I miss him, and think about him all the time.

Since I Lost You
Genesis (2007)

It seems in a moment your whole world can shatter
Like morning dreams they just disappear
Like dust in your hand falling to the floor
Oh, how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces
Yes, my heart is broken in pieces
Since you've been gone

It's all too easy to take so much for granted
But it's so hard to find the words to say
Like a castle in the sand the water takes away
But how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces
Yes, my heart is broken in pieces
Since I've lost you

Oh, now you'll never see
Oh, you'll never know
All the things I planned for you
Things for you and me, oh

I held your hand so tightly
That I couldn't let it go
Now how can life ever be the same

'Cos my heart is broken in pieces
Yes, my heart is broken in pieces
Since I've lost you

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

--Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips

After a heartbreaking year for humanity, we are looking forward to responsible management of the pandemic and a healthy new year. The first case to make the news in the US was in Kirkland WA, Gabe’s former home. It’s been a long, sad story since. We have been fortunate to stay healthy and to be able to be with Daniel, Pat and Abigail. Now that Lobo’s puppyhood is over, he is a welcome companion and he loves his extended family, including Friendo and Baxter. Friendo, on the other hand, could do without Lobo’s attention. We had a wonderful Christmas in Santa Fe and Gabe looked down on us (from his picture on the mantel). He would have loved to be here. He took some amazing pictures in Santa Fe and in snow.

“It’s easy to be thankful for the things you’ve got.
It takes guts to give thanks for the things you’ve lost”

-from “No Hell” by Cloud Cult

Holidays are difficult for anyone who has lost a loved one. They are reminders of how fleeting time is. 

"Time is but the stream I go afishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains.” -- Henry David Thoreau

Gabriel would be so happy today. He died thinking Hillary was going to be president and had been so disturbed by her despicable
opponent. There is some hope now that Joe Biden can bring us together, although almost half the country may not think so.

Four years and it’s still unbelievable. Gabriel is still alive in our memories and still makes us laugh. He is part of us forever.

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures
Are all I can feel
--"Pictures of You" by The Cure

We had a birthday party for Gabe on the 30th. Daniel and Pat brought Mexican food and we celebrated Gabe's love for bean burritos. Abigail and Daniel had burritos in his honor. He would have loved it!

Wish I had gotten to know Gabe as an adult. It is wonderful that we can continue to remember Gabe -- these periodic reminders are great. All the best!

August 30, 2020. This would have been Gabe's 48th birthday, but he never got to see the last 4 years, or the infiniti of years to come. We miss him as if he died yesterday and we can remember his birth as if it were today. I visited one of his benches this morning. Ironically, I had forgotten that today was his birthday and a 5 a.m. reminder from his memorial service jogged my memory. It's funny, because a year or so before he died we forgot his birthday. He called us later that night and kept asking what we were doing, how was our day, were we going to call, etc., but we were clueless. He never said it was his birthday, the pinche. Then his mother said, OMG, is this August 30th? I quickly threw her under the bus and asked how can a mother forget her son's birthday? We had sent cards and gifts to him a few days earlier, but the day itself had skipped by unnoticed to us...for the first time in over 40 years. We all had a good laugh about it, but we felt bad nonetheless.

Joe Biden made a very sincere and comforting speech when the US passed the 100,000 mark for tragic deaths from the corona virus. He did a beautiful job of describing loss and grief:
“Each [victim left] behind a family that will never again be whole. I think I know what you’re feeling. You feel like you’re being sucked into a black hole in the middle of your chest. It’s suffocating, your heart is broken and there’s nothing but a feeling of emptiness right now. For most of you, you weren’t able to be with there when you lost your beloved family member. …  I know there’s nothing I or anyone else can say or do to dull the sharpness of the pain you feel right now, but I can promise you from experience, the day will come when the memory of your loved one will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes.” We remember Gabe with a smile and laughter although the tears still come.

Gabe would be happy to know one of his favorite groups, Depeche Mode, is now in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. From high school on, Gabe did his best to help Depeche's popularity by buying every album and seeing them in Dallas at least once.. I'm sure Depeche got him particularly interested in synthesizers and composing his own music. They probably also sparked his interest in The Cure and New Order. Yay, Depeche!

Dates. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries remind us to pause and be thankful. November 6 is different. Every time we hear of a date something happened, it is either before Gabe died or after he died on November 6, 2016. The dates represent what he experienced or what he missed; what we experienced together or now experience without him. Three years and I still can’t believe he is gone. 

TURN AGAIN TO LIFE
If I should die and leave you here a while,
be not like others sore undone,
who keep long vigil by the silent dust.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
nerving thy heart and trembling hand
to do something to comfort other hearts than mine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine
and I perchance may therein comfort you.
By Mary Lee Hall

Gabe got to celebrate 44 birthdays, notably beginning at age 1 in Pittsburgh with a party of just two retired funeral directors and his loving parents. Today we are celebrating 47 years of having him in our lives and all the wonderful memories he left us.

Forty-seven years ago, I was so fortunate to become a mother. My boys were the joys of my world. I don’t know how many times I had to explain to strangers that they were not twins. They were great playmates on our many trips and moves. They made our lives a fun adventure. I miss Gabe so much, but Daniel is my logical, steady rock. Thanks to him for bringing Pat and Abigail into my life! They keep us laughing and loving.

Here I was bragging about how seriously Gabe took the privilege of voting and today I re-read a text he sent with a pic of his vote for Washington state treasurer. He wrote in a candidate: Tyrion Lannister, and explained to us that Tyrion was briefly Master of Coin in Westeros in Game of Thrones. Bet his was the only vote for Mr. Lannister. :)

Merry Christmas! Daniel, Pat, Abigail, Friendo and Baxter are with us to celebrate. How lucky we are!

Your words are truly felt. Sadness on too many fronts these days! All the best. dt

Reading both of your Tributes this month, it reminds me of years past. May you feel comfort in knowing that your love for Gabriel was strong and good. And, now, you are passing that love on with Danny's young family!

My mother lived through the Great Depression and two world wars, but after she died, I was grateful she didn’t have to see domestic terrorism come to Oklahoma City. I was glad after September 11 that none of my dead relatives lived to see that horror. So, if I’m thankful for anything for Gabe, it’s that he never knew a despicable man was elected president and hasn’t had to endure this nightmare for the last two years. He was appalled during the primaries and the election. He would have been totally alarmed if he knew who won. Gabe was very conscientious about voting and very concerned about the lack of civility tainting the 2016 election. In Washington, they have mail-in ballots and he emailed us a copy of his choices – proud to have done his part and hoping all would be well. He even researched the judges and other “minor’ candidates to be sure he was making informed decisions about each of them. Gabe was loving and tolerant and would have been apoplectic seeing the hatred and extreme intolerance that is encouraged by the president and getting worse every day. How can money, power, cruelty and a sense of grievance be the basis for life that is so fragile?  I have obviously been sheltered from the reality that there is so much hatred, paranoia, superstition, and ignorance in our society. If the president’s supporters and Republican officials who enable him are taking over the country, we are lost. I need some sign of hope from the election today. Some sign.

Two years and the pain remains. Too bad I can't address you as if you were listening because I know you're not. Your memory lives in me, however, and I think about you every hour of every day. There is some solace in music, poetry, and films that we watched and discussed and memorized.
My music is not what you liked, but the lyrics of Argentine folklore, especially the Chalchaleros, can bring some tranquility to anyone. Here's part of one of their zambas that can apply to the loss of a son:
"La noche trae su nombre
el viento trae su voz.
Muchas lunas cruzaron el río,
detrás de la ausencia lo busca mi amor
Agua que pasa no vuelve a pasar
dice un viejo cantar;
el instante perdido no vuelve,
la estrella que muere
ya no brillará;
el camino me roba su sombra
me grita su ausencia,
me da soledad"
Translation: The night whispers your name, the wind sometimes sounds like your voice, many moons have crossed the river since your absence looking for your love;
Water that streams by will not do so again, as an old song says, the moment that passes does not return, the shooting star will never shine again. The road steals even your shadow and cries out your absence, it fills me with loneliness.

Here's to my college dorm-mate, fellow road trip adventurer, original pair programming comrade, slumber party buddy, secret club General, snow fort defender and friend.
You are missed.

Vato,
663 days from your death to this "imaginary" 46th birthday. You don't age when you're dead, but had you lived you would have been able to enjoy the 863 days, 15,912 hours, 954,720 minutes, 57,284,200 seconds of your life unlived. Alas, it's gone and we have endured those millions of seconds missing you as if it were your first second of eternity. “We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. " (Hunter Thompson). We are but a small flame burning between two infinities. We miss your flame.

Thinking about Gabe and you all this very sad day. Nothing but best wishes and strength. dt

Happy birthday, Gabriel!

You were born into a strange world.
Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire.
I don't know where we come from, and I don't know where we go.
But my arms were made to hold you, so I will never let you go.
Cuz you were born to change this life.
You were born to chase the light.
You were born...
   from "You Were Born" by Cloud Cult

46th BIRTHDAY
August 30 should have been Gabe’s 46th birthday, but he only had 44 years to live his life. He was a loving, gentle person who immersed himself in his work and his interests in music, math, nature, history, the universe. He did a lot in 44 years, but also planned to do so much more. His sudden death is a constant reminder to me that none of us can take today for granted.  Before he died, I thought I had a reasonable handle on the transient nature of life, but was I ever wrong! I remember at age 35 thinking I probably had at least that many years ahead of me; same at age 44. There was no urgency to get everything done because I had so much more time to do it. There is no time guaranteed to any of us. Today better be what I want my life to be because I might not get another chance tomorrow. My baby should not have died before I did, but there is nothing to do but accept it and be thankful for the 44 wonderful years we had.

It's easy to be thankful for the things you've got
It takes guts to give thanks for the things you've lost
-from No Hell by Cloud Cult

I laid my mind down in the creek,
and watched it float to nowhere.
Now I’m thinking of you everywhere.
I gave my bones back to the trees.
so when you hear the breeze, you...
you know I’ll never leave you.
And though your hand I’ll never get to hold,
Just give me one more chance to say,
“I love my baby so… Come home.”

-from Come Home by Cloud Cult