Sweet Gabriella, 

You inspired me to follow my dreams of becoming a nurse practitioner.  Two weeks ago I accepted my MS degree in your honor.  It has been 5 years since we had to say good bye to you sweet girl but I think of you everyday.  Thank you for helping me to become the person, mother, and health professional I am today.  Natalia, Benjamin, and Treyson talk about you all the time.  They call you their "baby angel".  We miss you more than you'll ever know.  

Love always,
Mommy 
 

Sweet girl,

We are so happy in San Francisco. I love to feel the cool breeze on my face as I admire the natural beauty all around me. Natalia is staying busy with gymnastics, swim, and piano. Benjamin is so full of energy, he loves all the parks. Treyson has grown into such a handsome young man. He is so intellegent and sweet. He is still contemplating between professions but he's working toward attending college. Papi loves all the coffee shops, food, and activities that we have access to here. It's amazing what a difference having to walk a block or two makes on your overall health. I didn't realize how out of shape I was until I had to walk uphill back to my car. I do miss not being able to drive to Lakewood as often as I use to. I promise to keep your stone clean and bring you flowers at least weekly.
We have made so many new friends but I miss my friends in the valley. I love the cultural humility that San Franciscans practice. I appreciate all the effort put into learning about other cultures and accepting people for who they are. I like that people are happy in their own skin. I love that people talk about their mistakes, take accountability, learn from them, and move on. I am so excited to be a part of such an amazing helathcare group. I admire their desire to help the underserved and their nonjudgmental manner is infectious; they really do lead by example.

Love,

Mommy 

Sweet Gabriella,

Although you are not here for me to hold or kiss. I feel your presence. I know you hear me and I know you have given me strength to keep moving forward. I found us a new church home, Bethel, in San Francisco. I was reminded today that "all things are possible through GOD" I determined to be the person he wants me to be and I hope I am able to follow his plans for me. Graduate school is especially important because you inspired me to apply to UCSF. I still cannot believe I was accepted. It is in your honor that I plan to graduate from UCSF and start working on a Phd.

Natalia loves her new school. She started piano lessons again. Benjamin is so happy and completely attached to us, he hates daycare. Papi and I were able to change our schedules so he only has to go 2-3 days a month for a couple of hours. Papi is amazing as always. He has such a good heart, he's just a great guy. I try to be more like him. I am really working on being more patient and kind. 

The memorial is not going to happen this year. I am so sorry. There's really no excuse I should have started planning sooner. School, moving, work, and appointments have kept us pretty busy. I will definetly light a candle for you and your angel friends. I may be crazy but I feel so close to you. I hope you're happy and I hope you know how very much we love you.

See you soon,

Mommy 

Sweet Gabriella,

With everyday that passess by I get one step closer to seeing you again.  2014 means you would be turning three this year.  I keep waiting for you to come home, I know you won't, but I will never stop wishing you would.  I'm sure you know we talk about you everyday.  Your sister is so full of personality and kindness.  SHe loves gymnastics.  Benjamin is talking so much and he attempts to climb everything, i'm sure it will be Mt. Everst one day.  Treyson seems to be a litte more motivated in school this year, I hope he realizes the importance quick.  I have applied to multiple NP programs, if this is the right path for me I'll get in.  Papi is also finishing his degree this semester.  Everyone is doing good.  We're hoping to get a walk together to raise money for Gabriella's Angels of Hope, we can do it.  Benjamin just woke up so I'm going to make this short but I know you see everything that is goig on and you hear us when we talk to you.  I love you so much.

Mommy

Hello Sweet Girl,

I talk to you everyday and wonder if you hear me.  Do you see me struggling to keep living wihtout you?  Do you watch me cry because I just don't get it? I'm sorry baby girl I try to be strong but this pain is something not even time can heal.  Recently I have had to be there when my patients are told they have cancer, an unkown mass that might be cancer, or there is nothing else we can do.  Over and over again they ask the same question "Why? Why is God doing this to me?"  I try to explain it's not God.  I try to explain we live in broken world full of sin and disease.  God is LOVE!  God's love is unconditional.  Sandra had a hard time accepting this.  I didn't know what to say, so I just started talking and prayed the right words would come out.  I explained that like a father loves his children regardless of their flaws God loves us, like a father he wants the best for us, like a father he cries when we stray away and hopes that we will return to his side.  God knows us all by name he is our creator.  Even when we haven't opened our Bilbles in years or made time for service on Sunday, he is there watching, waiting.  He is everything in our life that is GOOD. He is the joy you feel when you see your baby girl for the first time, He is the love you search for all your life, the peace you feel when there is hope.  God wants the best for us but only we can make the decision to follow him.  Like a father with a disobedient child allows the child to learn from their mistakes.  The father worries, cries and watches their child fall into the arms of alcohol, drugs, violence or other disasters.  The father can't intervene unless the child is willing to make a change.  The child will eventually hit rock bottom, fall to their knees and return to the arms of their father.  The child realizes that obedience to the her father does not mean changing who you are, the obedience simply helps you to avoid unnecessary pain.  Of course even when holding their fathers hand a child might fall but if the grasp is tight he will pick them back up, dust them off and together they will countinue on the path of life.  
    Sandra is a good person, a good mother and a great cook.  She admits she doesn't know God, she has never read a Bible, she doesn't belong to a church.  She admits that it's only when she needs him that she remembers him.  I tried to explain to Sandra that we can't blame God for all the bad when we haven't taken the time to truly thank him for all the good.  We can't blame him for the sorrow but forget to thank him for all the joy.  Most importantly we can't expect him to be there to resue us when we don't truly know him.  I told Sandra your story and how you have been the reason my relationship with God has evolved.  You are the reason my faith is so strong.  I realize I am a sinner and I am at my strongest when I am learning, reading, listening, praying or just talking about my faith in Jesus and his message for me.  It is through sorrow that we find true happiness, the true meaning of life.  I wish my understanding was better.  I wish I would have started reading, learning, and implementing God in my life long ago.  I hope I can help these ladies find peace.  I cannot force them to turn to God, he doesn't want that but the pain and sorrow this world has to offer often helps them see.  Sometimes it takes being broken down to hoplessness and darkness before we see the light.  He once said "I am the way, the truth and the light"  
     Talking to others about God helps me to better understand.  Talking to you brings peace to my heart.  I know your their, I can feel you.  Help me to teach your brothers and sister to stand strong in their faith.  Help them to develop a strong relationship with our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.  I don't fear death.  I don't fear leaving this earth but I do fear my children being raised without Jesus.  "If Jesus is the center of our life we can't go wrong" Treyson said to me.  I hope he always feels this way.  He's a great kid with a big heart.  Natalia prays to God  that she will see you again.  Benjamin is amazing, full of joy.  Papi is evrything I hope to be someday.  I am so proud of who he is and who he strives to be.  I am not sure about his relationship with God.  I worry he doesn't completely understand the importance of faith.  Without faith there is no reason to live.  I do not force him to read his Bible with us, I do not force him to go to service.  I just hope that I can be a good example and someday he will happily join us.  I know he is a Christian and he knows Jesus is our saviour.  Does he know that knowin isn't enough? Does he know we can never stop learning?  I will keep praying for him.  Stay close to us Gabriella and help us to see the light in a world that can sometimes be so dark.  We love you so much.  

Love,

Mommy 

Sweet Daughter,
Today is the last day of 2012.  So much has happened this year. Benjamin joined our family and he continues to be our little ball of awsomeness. Treyson has become a teenager. He hasn't changed much, still very loving and sweet. He is the reason I can get through most days. He is very encouraging and supportive. Natalia makes us laugh all the time. She is so SMART and completely adorable. People are so intrigued by her intellegence and cuteness. She is our green fairy princess. You, Gabriella, are the light I hold onto when things get dark. You are my favorite angel, my peace. Your father is the best man I have ever met. He loves us all so much, he's so honest, compassionate, and kind. All of you are so amazing. I am so lucky to have all of you. I know you are still with us. I know you spend your time with Jesus, I only hope to join you some day.
The World was suppose to end on 12/21/12. I waited for the Rapture but it didn't happen. I was so disappointed. The nurses at work with me on the 22nd were upset too. We talked about how amazing Heaven must be. The Bible says no one will get to Heaven unless they believe and accept Jesus as their saviour. It also says that your actions will show your faith. We wondered if following the commandments, studying the Bible, attending service, and being just was enough. Should we do more? My friends and I are afraid our children will make it but we will fall short. Gabriella, help me to stay on the right path, to see this World through Jesus' eyes, and to love unconditionally. We also talked about NO sin goes unpunished, I pray i suffer on Earth and not in Hell. Most importantly I pray I am able to build strong relationships between God and your siblings. Its all so intriguing. The more I learn the more I want to know. There's so much proof yet so many who carry on through life without knowing Him.
Treyson has been talking about Baptism. He says he wants to be sure he's ready. He doesnt want to disappoint God. I told him just like a father, God would love him no matter what, even when he falters. However, there are consequences to every sin and he can't protect us from those. Being a Christian doesn't mean your perfect, we are far from it. We are all sinners. Like a parent he can protect us the most when we follow his advice, when we fear Him enough to be just, when we love Him enough to show it through our faith. There will always be sorrow, tears, and trials but the impact they make on our lives will depend on our relationship with Him. Let Him know I'm trying.

We love you so much!



 
 

Sweet Baby Girl,

Tomorrow will mark 3 months since your baby brother Benjamin was born. I still can't believe he's actually home. Although I love him, Treyson, and Natalia so much it doesn't make the pain of losing you any easier. Actually, I feel guilty and sad that I am able to do so much for them and so little for you. I wish I could hold you, kiss you, and make you smile. Benjamin has a special happiness about him and when I look at him I think of you. I go to sleep thinking of you and how much I miss you. I wake up missing you. Being away from your brothers and sisters for even just a couple of hours is very challenging for me. I get an awful feeling and my heart aches. Benjamin has been an amazing addition to our family. I am constantly checking to make sure he's still breathing at night. I worry about all the "what if" this happens or that. I know you're watching over us and I know you're always with us. Natalia always says she sees you on the moon.
  Your aunt Kim is busy working on the "Gabriella's Angels Of Hope" memorial for this year. She has put a lot of time and effort into making sure you are remembered. SHe loves you so much. She has helped me cope with losing you. We talk about you all the time. She's a great listener. I hope everything comes together on October 13th and we are able to honor you and angel friends.

Love Always,
Mommy 
 

Sweet Gabriella,

We decided to take a trip as a family on your birthday to be together and remember you. We went to Half Moon Bay and collected sea shells for you. Your brothers and sister had fun. Your Papi and I tried to be strong and think of all the ways you have stregthened our family. It's amazing how profoundly you have touched our lives. Gabriella we talk about you everyday. We appreciate each other more then ever because of you. You will never know what an important part of our family you are. I can close my eyes and feel you in my arms. I remember your soft cheeks and adorable nose. Your cute little hands and feet. I still can't believe you will NEVER come home. Oneday we'll meet again and I will have so much to tell you, until then know that I love you and miss you so much. I wonder somedays how I'm suppose to live a lifetime without you. The pain is unbearable and it doesn't get better.
 Love Always,
Mommy 

Sweet Daughter,

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant with your baby brother Benjamin Gabriel.  All night I woke up to feel him move.  As long as he's kicking I know he's alive.  I was 34 weeks when you stopped moving.  I never expected such a horrible thing to happen to our family.  The day before I was folding your clothes and organizing your closet.  I felt like I was running out of time because you would be home soon and I still needed some baby stuff.  I wanted to be fully prepared to bring you home.  I would smell your clothes and day dream about what you would look like.  I had plans to have pictures taken of you, your big brother and sister.  It was going to be great to have a baby in August so we could have outside birthday parties.  I couldn't wait to hold you. 

When I woke up that morning I was running but I know you were moving as I leaned over the sink to brush my teeth and put on my makeup.  I got dressed and headed to the library to work on an assignment I was taking a computer class that Summer.  I remember sitting at the computer and then all of a sudden a cold chill ran up my spine.  I realized that I hadn't felt you move in a while.  This was not normal.  I was constantly having to get up and walk around because you would move so much but not this day.  I tried not to panic.  I grabbed my stuff and left.  I bought a cold Sprite to drink because I knew you would move then.  I pushed lightly on my belly hoping it would wake you up but nothing. Please Lord tell me she's just sleeping, I prayed. She's just getting too big and can't move as much, I thought to myself.  I hurried to my car and called your daddy to let him know I was worried.  As soon as I got home we went to L&D.  It was then that the doctor confirmed my biggest fear.  He told us you weren't alive anymore and he apologized over and over.  I wanted to trade places with you baby girl.  I would do anything to trade places with you.  My heart is broken and cannot be repaired.  Our family is incomplete and will never be whole. Life is full of challenges but your father and I have faced the biggest challenge ever holding our lifeless child, leaving the hospital without you, planning your funeral, picking out the perfect outfit, choosing a casket, a marker, a grave site, attending your funeral, and going through everyday without you.  Wondering... what if she was here? What if I read my Bible more or tried to attend more church events? Why didn't I know something was wrong? Why didn't I help her? I should've known.  Everyday I think of you and wish it was all different.

Now here I am at 34 weeks waiting for Benjamin's heart to stop beating.  I don't understand why we should be able to bring him home and not you.  It just isn't fair.  I love Benjamin so much and I pray we are able to bring him home but there's no guarantee.  Please Gabriella watch over him and keep him safe.  Tell Jesus to have mercy on our family and allow us to make Benjamin a part of it. I pray Benjamin, Natalia and Treyson have long long life lines.  I pray I am able to teach them to live at God's will and work hard to be good Christians.  We miss you sweetheart. I love you very much. 

Love Always,
Mommy
 

Precious Gabriella,

We were picking out flowers and decorations for your grave for St. Patricks day.  I wish I was picking out a cute outfit and bows for your hair instead.  We talk about you everyday and we always wonder what you would be like now.  We took your brother and sister to a cool petting zoo with a carousel, and train.  They picked out the finger puppet we took you and Natalia has the same one.  I think they really enjoyed feeding the animals.  All I could do was think of what it would be like if you were there too.  I miss you so much.

Your baby brother is getting so big.  I don't think he has much room left in there.  Natalia loved the name Benjamin and we wanted to always remember you so his middle name was always going to be Gabriel.  I know you're watching over him.  It's so hard not to worry.  I keep having dreams of burying him bedside you, there awful.  I keep waiting for his heart to stop beating.  Bringing him home will be a true miracle.  I can't wait to be up all night with him.  Help us to find inner peace.  Help us to truly trust in God again.  I know Benjamin is in his hands and I know God created him to live but how long?  I hope Benjamin has a long long lifeline.  Tell God how much we need Benjamin to help ease some of the pain of losing you.  Tell God we will do all that we can to ensure Benjamin walks at Gods will always.  All we want to keep are family as together as possible because we will always be missing you.

I've been having pre-term contractions.  They were really scary.  I was put on some medication and it seems to keep them under control.  I just pray Benjamin stays in my womb as long as he needs to survive on the outside.  We are all praying for his health and safety.  

Natalia dreams about you and Benjamin.  I can hear her talking to you in her sleep.  She wakes up asking if Benjamin is okay.  Help Natalia and your brother to find peace in their hearts.  I hate to see them so worried.  Help me to find the right words to comfort them.  I believe with all my heart that Benjamin is going to come home and I tell them that all the time.  Please help them to believe this too.  I love you so much.

Love Always,

Mommy

 

Sweet girl,

The holiday season has been very challenging without you.  It's hard to attend family events and enjoy them when all I can do is think about how great it would be if you were there with us.  I miss you.  

We saw the doctor yesterday.  He said everything looks great.  He told us its a BOY!  We can't wait to meet your little brother but I can't imagine replacing your stuff with his.  Your room is still the same.  I haven't been able to put any of your stuff away.  I just can't.  I have to see reminders of you everywhere.  I don't ever want to forget a single thing about you.  I love you so much.  This new baby has given us hope that maybe we can bring our baby home this time.  I love hime very much but I feel as if he's going to be taken from us any minute now.  It's like I expect the worst to happen.  Help me to find peace in my heart and trust God is in control.  All of my children belong to him and if he wants them home then all I can do is LOVE and enjoy them for as long as he allows.  I try to spend as much time as possible with your sister and brother.  Everyday I learn so much about them.  We started working on math skills with Natalia, she's so smart.  Treyson is doing great in school and he's looking forward to going to Boston and New York in June.  They both miss you very much.  We talk about you everyday.  We put up a small tree for you and we'll take it to Lakewood on the 23rd, that's when they allow us to bring it.  Watch over us sweetheart, help us to live at God's will.  

Your always in my thoughts.  I love you.

Love Always,

Mommy 

P.S. Treyson made his gingerbread house for you :)

Baby girl,

As the days go by I miss you more and more.  You should be 4 month and 24 days today just behind your cousin Mateo.  I wonder what you would look like and your personality would be like.  I miss holding and kissing you.  I can't believe we'll you won't be here for what should be your first Thanksgiving.  It breaks my heart to know you'll never be here to celebrate the holidays with us.  Your chair will always be empty.  We saw the baby Juarez #5 yesterday.  Dr. Palitz gave us like 20 pictures of the little bumble bee.  He says everything looks great.  I know everythings going to go as God has planned so I try not to worry.  Thank you for the incredible peace you have placed on my heart.  Although I am so happy to be pregnant and we pray we get to bring this baby home, I wish it was you.  I love this baby but it won't be you.  I can't imagine bringing this baby home.  It hurts too much.  

A nurse told me the other day that God called you home to save another.  She said I could thank all the non-christians in my life for losing you because he was trying to get their attention.  If that was your purpose in life then I hope he got their attention. He knows best.  Will you let him know that my faith is strong and we love him with all our heart.  Tell him I pray every night that your father, your brother, your sister and I do all we can to live at his will.  Gabriella please let him know that if pain is the only way our family is going to stay faithful he should definetly bring on the pain but we would love to be showered with blessings to.  I will do all that I can to assure we read his word and attend church but most importantly live at his will.  I love you baby girl and you have giving me the ability to face the world without fear.  As we continue this challenging journey we have come to realize that nothing else can even compare.  We know that through God all tings are possible and he is always with us.  Please watch over us sweetheart and help us to stay on the right path.

Love always,

Mommy

Gabriella -

Fall is here...The leaves are changing, and I can't stop thinking about you. I guess it is because you were born in the summer, and it is no longer summer. I know time must go on, but I don't want anyone to forget what our family lost this summer. We are coming up on the holiday's and while I am so excited because this is my favorite time of the year, it is still so hard to understand why you aren't here with us.

Everyday I look at your cousin Mateo and wish you were here playing with him. We took the kids for pictures a few weeks ago, and you were right there with us. Natalia had your bear...you have a beautiful family.

You are always on mind, but more than ever today...I miss you baby girl.

Love always,

Tia Kim

 Gabriella,

We mis you so much sweetheart.  Halloween is not the same without you.  I wish I could dress you up and take you out TRICK OR TREATING with your big brother and sister.  I love you. XOXO

Sweet Gabriella, 

Today is a bitter sweet day.  I am so happy to know that the tiny life growing inside me is doing well but my heart aches because I don't have you.  I hope you know you can never be replaced.  I realize you gave your life for this baby and that makes me so sad.  It's hard to picture bringing this baby home because you haven't been home. I keep thinking, what if this baby's heart stops beating too? Worst of all are you going to think we've forgotten about you? I won't ever forget you sweetheart.  You have given me life, unconditional love, and a peace in my heart that nobody else ever will.  I love you baby. I love this baby very much but I know nothing in life is gauranteed.  Help me through this pregnancy Gabriella.  I can't do this without you. XOXO

Sweet Baby Girl,

I wanted you to see the beutiful angels and your candel at your memorial service. You have filled me with hope and even though my heart is broken you give me the strength to continue this chaotic journey.  I'll do it for you Gabriella because I know you unselfishly gave your life for us, to make us stronger, to unite our family like no other, to stregthn our faith, to give us a new preceptive of life, to appreciate every second knowing the next is not guaranteed.  THANK YOU.   

Sweet Baby,

Yesterday was your Angelversary.  Your Tia Kim did a wonderful job with the memorial service.  She put so much time, effort and LOVE into every detail.  It was beautiful!  There were over 100 people at the memorial.  Families and friends came to honor their angel.  Pastor Chuck spoke about how painful it is to lose a child but God is always there to comfort the families.  I spoke about how much we miss you, how much we love you, and we will never be complete without you. Then we played "Waiting on an Angel" your dad loves that song. Your big brother Treyson read a poem and he wants to write a poem for you for next year. Your Tia Kim put together an amazing slide show of all your angel friends in our community.  Every baby's name was called and a family representative went up to light a candel for that angel, you were the very first one and your Pappi lit your candle.  Sweetheart, we plan to make this memorial bigger every year and I hope we are able to help other grieving families.  The other angel mommies are all very sweet and I hope the memorial gave them a night to remember their angels.  Gabriella before I lost you I could have never spoke in front of so many people but after losing a child every other stressor in life is a piece of cake.  You have given me strength, courage, and the ability to see life for what it is.  I cherish our family and as long as were together everything is going to be okay.  Watch over us all baby.  I love you.

Love Always,

Mommy 

Good morning Baby Gabriella,

We are working so hard on the memorial for you and your angel friends, and every time I get an email from another angel mommy it stops me in my tracks. I know that you are playing with all the other angel babies. I only wish you were here with US, playing with your sister, brother and your cousins.

When we all get together it is pure chaos, and we wouldn't have it any other way. The screams of your sister and cousin, I am sure can be heard from the street. They squeel and chase each other through the house, and your mommy just watch and laugh, wishing you were here.

Sending lots of love to you....

Baby girl,

I know you're always with me.  I can feel you when I close my eyes.  This has been a very busy week.  Your Tia Kim has been very busy planning the memorial for you and your angel friends.  She loves you so much.  She is working hard to make sure everything is perfect.  I wish there was more I could do but she has put it all together.  I want to tell the whole world all about you.  I plan to speak at the memorial but I'm looking for the right things to say.  I want people to know that losing you has been such a test of my faith.  I want people to know how strong you have made me.  They should know that you brought us so much joy and happiness.  It's amazing how much you have taught me.  I love you so much.  I pray I am able to live out Gods plan for me because I want to see you again.  Gabriella you will always be my little angel, my daughter, my strength, my life.  Please help us to accept the struggles of life and appreciate the blessings.  I hope your smiling sweetheart.  I miss you.  

Love Always,

Mommy 

It's been 3 months but it feels like yesterday.  Help me Gabriella, to find the strength and comfort I need to keep going.  I don't know how to live without you.  One day just runs into the next.  I love you!   

Hi Sweetheart,

We went by to see you this morning.  On Wednesday, September 21st we we're suprised to see that your marker has arrived.  It's beautiful! I try so hard to think of all the things God has blessed me with but all I can think about is not having you.  I am so greatful for all my blessings, God has been amazing to us but does he know how hard it is to live without you?  Does he know I want so badly to hold you and see you everyday.  God help me to continue to be strong for my children here on earth and take care of all three of my angels that are with you.  Gabriella I hope you've met your other siblings in heaven.  Tell them I love them so much and I think of them all the time.  You'er brother misses you so much.  Your sister keeps aking me to bring you home, I wish I could.  

Your Tia Kim has been working so hard to put together a memorial candel light service for you and all your angel friends.  She loves you so much too.  She gave us a beautiful canvas with your footprints and its sitting next to your memory box.  I want everyone to see it.  It's beautiful.  

Baby Mateo is here with us.  Its such a treat to have him over.  I can imagine what it would be like to have you.  He's such a great baby.  I think it's because you're always by his side. He's so calm and content.  I love you baby girl.  I miss you so much.

I went to work on Monday for the first time since I lost you.  It was nice to see everyone but it was hard to be strong.  I cried during a code blue.  Everything I do reminds me of you.  I try to hold back the tears but sometimes they just come flooding out.  I'm trying to be strong baby.  Everytime I heard the lullaby of a baby being born I wanted to run out of the hospital.  Why didn't you get a lullaby?  Why aren't you here?  I'm still so confused and it's hard to think at times.  I forget a lot of what I'm trying to say.  You're with me everyday baby girl.  I love you.  Take care of us all.  Help us to live at god's will.

Love Always,

Mommy 

Gabriella -

Saturday will be three months since you left us....I still find it so hard to understand. My friend Nicole told me about a song that she heard for your October 15th memorial...as I was listening to it I beautiful dragonfly flew right up to my window. Did you like the song too?

Me and your mommy are working hard to plan a beautiful tribute to you and your angel friends. We want so much for you to be proud of it...we will make it perfect for you. You deserve the best.

Your mommy showed me a picture of your very special plaque. I love it...

We miss you everyday.

xoxo,

Tia Kim

Sweet Gabriella,

Let me start by saying how very much I love you and I wish you were here.  As the day goes by I think of what we should be doing together.  I hope you are always smiling.  I hope everyday is full of love and happiness for you.  I know you play with angels and Jesus holds you close.  

Your Tia Kim has talked to some important people at Lakewood.  Your Tia Kim has a big heart and is such a loving person.  She wants to honor October 15th in your memory.  She set up a meeting with Lakewoods general manager yeasterday.  The meeting was all about you.  We are planning to start an annual memorial service for you.  Your Tia Kim came up with a great name "Gabriella's Angels of Hope" I hope you like it. We plan to light candles, show pictures, and most importantly remember you and all your angle friends.  It's going to be great.  Your Tia Kim, Uncle Jair, your pappi and I have all commited to making October 15th a special day for you and all the other children who said goodbye too soon.  

I'm glad your cousins pictures our here for you.  They are both so precious.  Sofia is so full of laughter and joy.  Mateo is so sweet and I see you in his eyes. I know your always with him because he's so mellow and content.  I love to hold him because I feel closer to you.  Please watch over Baby Mateo and Sofia keep them safe from this fallen world.  Your brother and sister miss you very much and Natalia hopes you like the flowers she picked for you.  Sweet angel please watch over us all but most importantly keep your Uncle Jair and your Pappi safe from the hazards of their jobs.   

Love Always,

Mommy

Gabriella

I talked to your mommy yesterday and even though you already know, I want to tell you how much she loves and misses you. I admire her so much for the strength and dignity she has shown.  She has promised to make you proud and I have no doubt you are already very proud of her.

 I told her that I missed you so much, and I never had the chance to meet you.The day your daddy told me and your Tio Jair that you were coming, I was so excited. I was expecting a baby too, your cousin Mateo. I knew you would be the best of friends, just like your sister and your cousin Sofia.  As you grew in your mommy's tummy I can't remember seeing her so happy. We talked about our pregnancies and I was excited for all the fun things to come and the milestones we would share, first smiles, first steps, first day of school...I could go on and on.

Gabriella, I will never understand why you were taken away from such loving parents, and a family who was so excited to meet you.  Maybe I am not meant to understand, I have struggled to find answers, and I can't.  I am lucky to have married into such a wonderful family, they have so much love to give. The last few months without you have been tough. You should be here with us.  I took your cousins to see you a few weeks ago, and I held Mateo a little tighter than usual that night. I was so sad for what we have all lost. You have helped me realize more than ever to enjoy every minute, because nothing is a given and it can be taken away in a minute.  I stop each day and memorize the little things I see in my kids, the chores can wait, Time is too precious.

Sofia is a little itty bitty ball of fire, she is full of energy and a fiesty little thing, just like her daddy. Mateo is a rolly polly little man and a carbon copy of his dad. They are both growing so fast. I wish you could have met them.

Yesterday I showed Sofia a picture of you, and even though she has a hard time saying your name, she loves to try..."Gab-ba-bellllllllla!" I will make sure they always remember you and you are a part of their lives.

I keep seeing dragonflies outside my house, yesterday one met me at the door and flew along side of me as I walked around the house. I like to think it is your way of saying hello to me, and letting me know you are happy. Keep sending them.

Rest easy, little one. Take care of your mommy on the days when she is feeling sad, and watch over your daddy while he is working. I love you and will always miss you.

XOXO,

Tia Kim

Baby Sister,

It's been hard to live without you.  I hope that your happy in heaven with Jesus.  I wish you could be here with me, Natalia, mom and dad.  I remeber you were very energetic and you bounced around all the time.  I'm sure that you would have been a very active baby.  I would love to play with you.  I know I never got to meet you but I love you so much.  I wear a pink bracelet that says "Brother of An Angel" because it reminds me of you.  I hope you like the flowers we bring you.  We try to visit at least twice a week if not more.  Sister please watch over me and help me to do what is right.  I want you to be proud of me.  Ask Jesus to please give us more brothers and sisters and keep them healthy and alive.  I really hope that you miss me and that you love me just as much as I miss and love you.  

Love Always

Your Big Brother 

Sweet Gabriella,

Today is the 10th anniversary of 9/11 a day of pure evil.  Today thousands of people lost their lives or a loved one.  I now understand the devestation of losing a loved one.  I keep hoping that my heart will find peace but I can't live without you. You're always with us.  This morning we went to see your gravesite to leave flowers, balloons, a flag and a pinwheel Natalia picked out for you at the service yesterday.  It hurts to see other babies and know I will never see you.  We love you so much.  Your big brother and sister talk about you all the time.  They love you so much and they never got a chance to tell you.  I hope I can be the mother you deserve.  I hope I can grow as a Christian and be a good role model for Natalia and Treyson.  The Lord has tested my faith by calling you home so soon but I plan to stand strong and prove to him that I am faithful.  I can't expect him to answer my prayers if I'm not doing my part.  The book of Job has helped me at this very difficult time.  I'll never understand but the Lord is far beyond my understanding.

Baby girl please watch over your Pappi and Tio Jair.  Keep them safe.  They go to work each day and risk their lives for others.  I wish they would change perfessions.  I'm sure theirs plenty of firefighters in heaven.  Cancer is winning the battle against them.  I hope you can always look down at your Pappi and mommy and be proud of who we are. We will never be the same without you.

Love Always,

Mommy