I LOVED YOU THEN, I LOVE YOU NOW, AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH
When I woke up this morning, I felt sick inside because today is your anniversary of the day the good Lord called you home. Many flashbacks of that dreadful day keep coming. This is one memory i wish that would go away. I still cant believe that you are gone for good but at the same time I thank God for having shared his perfect master creation. I visited JohnHopkins on 7W & ICU. Instead of the nurses reporting to me how your day was as it used to be, the topic was towards how I was coping with your lose. It was as if I wanted to go there one more time and make sure. It still hurts like a fresh new cut. I had refused to light a candle on this page because it makes it seem so real writing about you as "'in the past'" . I am wondering why the reality that you are never coming home has not fade some of its sting. Shouldn't I have come to grips with it by now? You'd think after 370 days I could open our bedroom door, look down below in the family room, read the daily report, read IBM reservations or reviews without tears burning my eyes. Oh dearest if it tears could bring you back!!!!!!!
Christmas is on the way. i just want to run away and not face it. Nothing
is the same now! I don't even want to go back home for Christmas as usual. Getting through the days is so bloody tough with a fake smile on the face. Hearing Christmas songs and seeing everyone happy brings me to tears because it reminds me of of love and happiness that i once had. what should I do my love now that I don't have you? I am so lost and alone. The world isn't the same without you in it. We talk about you on a daily basis and I still refer to you as in the present, Godfrey, uncle, general manager, muzee, mr. Kimera etc.. I don't think I will ever address you as omugenzi. You always left a traceable mark wherever you went or to whomever you talked to. Recently when I went to the bank to make a deposit, the Teller said " I haven't seen my friend Mr. Kimera for sometime, tell him I said Hii" of course I bursted into tears which was embarrassing. So she apologized and all the other employees joined in asking me when, what happened. The reaction I got was amazing. You were important to so many people. Your dedication to the people you loved has changed their lives, even after yours ended. Your ability to push yourself to achieve your personal best has inspired many in caring, business and success in general. Your refusal to be anything other than who you were, has cemented your place in the hearts of every person who loved you. What you see is what you get. "Pure honesty" honesty was your model. No fake ness of any sort. God how I wish that the world had a handful of your character-wishing the best for everyone. It keeps me going. I feel your determination, tenacious grip and discipline when I want to quit or face uncertainty & your confidence in me when my own wanes. You know me so well and knowing that you know moves me, changes me, and propels me to dig deeper, try harder, reach further, be patient, understanding, reasonable, forgive and move on & fight to make a difference. I do feel your presence, "not in the ghostly sense", but in the warmth of love . We were such a great team, you being the coach and me being the Captain. We won quite a few medals. Only God knows how far we would have gone.
Thank you for having shared your life with me and loving me unconditionally.
You will forever be missed.
I love you now and always