Yeah that's what I thought, just sat in silence and was like ha so being beaten is normal, no matter what I say. And exactly they can't control me or anything anymore as much as they try. And yeah they all make it so much easier reminding me "kat remember what happens when you give jacquo a chance" and I'm just like ah yes thank you guys haha, saved me again haha. And I always had a strong feeling I'd see you again no matter what, even if I rebelled against everyone I didn't care I wanted to see and speak to you again. And oh dear I thought cassie was really nice, eeh showd how fake social services really can be to get their own way. And really?! I would love to spend Christmas with you if possible, that's actually made my heart so happy, I'm now crying a few tears of joy haha, I'm so emotional haha I know for a fact if I spend it with you I'll feel so happy and safe compared to jacqui. And aw I'm so glad Gregory liked the cuddly so much hehe, I saw it and fell immediately in love with it, I'm so glad it helped soothe him and kept him calm and everything xxx

I'm off to sleep Katrina sweetheart. I'm really drained tonight, plus up really early to get Gregory and Poppy ready for school. Will chat tomorrow. Goodnight sweetheart, sweetest and happiest dreams to you xxx

I'm so glad you got those photos at least. Yeah it is really soft I used to cuddle Gregory while he had hold of it he slept like a dream. Never woke up while he had it. He used to sleep with it in his baby swing haha

A normal family haha oh that's a joke isn't it? No normal family should ever be abusive or neglectful. But yes you are grown now and Jacqui and them B******* can't do anything to you now or make you do something against your will. You have Tyler Heather and Riley there to help you and enforce your choices as am I. I always wondered if I would ever see you again. I was so terrified I wouldn't after the last thing the judge said to me before kicking me out the court on the final hearing was I would never see you again. Paul was there literally holding me up. I have been told as I don't remember much after I got out but I had to hold Paul back because Cassie ( who was your social worker until Jacqui adopted you ) walked right passed us outside court and she threw me the most disgusting smirk to say yeah we won with all our lies. Paul saw this and went to go after her. Paul isn't violent against women so he wouldn't have launched her but if I hadn't have stopped him and he had it would have been so justified haha. The system really does need to change though. Young people like yourself should never be subjected to such atrocious behaviour. You are welcome here for christmas beats being in a place you can't escape haha you would be welcome. But if anything spend it with those who have and are there. You do what you want for Christmas something you know you will be welcome and have fun. Christmas should be a happy and exciting time not one of fear and sadness

Exactly, I don't know what social services thought or anything but my social worker at the time Allison was adamant that it was just how a normal family behaved ect, I never understood how I went from such a loving home and family to one so abusive and hateful especially of life and those around them. It will always haunt and Confuse the hell outta me. And yeah I'm mad I allowed myself to be bullied into it for so long but I didn't want the consequences and I was so young but I've grown now and know right from wrong and I swore to myself I'm never going to be like jacqui. And yeah I'm trying to not let her blackmail me or guilt trip me, its very hard but I'm standing my ground because I won't have an escape down there. And haha since I got away I've got plenty of sanity to share but even that's not enough to over come my very hyper energy hahaha, I swear the older i got the more energy I've been given haha. And oh yes I did receive them photos they are in my photo album along side photos of yaya and you. I'm so glad he liked the cuddly I got him, I was tempted to keep it myself haha it was so soft haha, but I love looking back through the pics I have and seeing how adorable they are. I'm just glad I can't be dragged away again and I'm old enough to choose what I want and who I want in my life and one of those people are definitely you. I really missed you over the years wondering if I was going to be able to see and speak to you again. I'm really happy that I'm able to speak to you xxx

Yeah I never understood why they went after us so hard. They knew I had hit a low after yaya had passed and they just went in for the kill. It didn't help that there were people working with the social services who were informed of the situation and reported me for something I didn't do. It just wasn't fair more for you than anything. You got taken from a family who absolutely afores you and dotes on you only to end up with a abusive person. I thought that 1 social services were meant to keep families together but that was a a lie in our case and 2nd I stupidly thought that any child in Foster or adoptive care were placed with people who would protect them not do them any harm. I was so wrong with everything. It sickens me that we were bullied and forced away from each other but trust me I am not going anywhere now and no one will ever hurt you again or they will have me to deal with. Yeah when you're forced to do something or risk beatings and more the passion you once had will dissappear but absolutely don't ever let anyone force you to doing something you really don't want to. As for Norfolk if you really don't want to go don't let Jacqui emotional blackmail you or bully you or force you into going. Your safety is absolute priority as for sanity well as you've got some please can I borrow some as I'm completely insane haha nah its OK you can keep it it's fun being completely off my rocker, even these two say I'm a big kid out of all of us haha. Yeah when I received your messages back and cards and cuddly I was relieved. I sent I believe 4 photos of Gregory when he received them. He was only a few months old at the time and the photos don't do any justice he was shaking with excitement and never let it out of his site for years, he still has it somewhere haha. He also pulled a O face like he was saying I love that, is that for me haha

Well I won't lie I'm glad they are here, I love them so much already ❤️ and yeah her messages have been progressively getting worse through the night ans I'm just ignoring her now till she pretends to ve nice again. It really did confuse me as a kid why I got taken from someone who never harmed me and given to someone who loves to fight and beat you and make you feel small. And yeah just imagine her admitting oh yeah she quit because I forced her into her passions and if she didn't do it I'd hit her and yeah I just don't listen to anyone now if they try and force Me to do something it's a kinda if you don't like it then adios ! Haha and oh yes glitter really is just the best haha. And that's the whole reason of enjoying what you do, you don't necessarily make money from it butnif it brings joy to you and those around you who care then who gives a f* what everyone else says or thinks.

It also explain why she never told me why you gave up. It just took the enjoyment out for you. I'm pleased to hear that you are finding your enjoyment again. We all need a break for as long as it takes especially in those circumstances. You just do what you enjoy and F*** what anyone else thinks wants or expects from you. I just know now I have a glitter partner haha and that's so much fun. You do whatever it is you are passionate about. I am passionate on doing my cards it doesn't earn me anything but it does give me enjoyment at giving them out or donating them.

I always swore I would never have any more children when I lost you but then these two cheeky monkeys decided they were going to make an appearance haha, I was terrified of letting you know but I didn't want to keep them from you. I didn't want you to feel like you weren't just as important. As for Jacqui she can apologise all she wants but nothing can take back what she has done to you over the years. I'm not a violent person I never has been but she is one person I could easily take exception for the bubble head. She needs to face facts weather she is ready for it or not.

Oh yeah I've just started getting back into my glitters. I've just bought a few a little expensive pots of glitter but they have been fun to play with even though its taking so long to clean it all up. I once accidentally tipped a full bowl of glitter everywhere it must have taken 18 months to find it all and clean it up but I'm still finding specks everywhere oh well more christmassy haha. I have quite a few gems that I love adding to my cards no matter if its for male or female haha. Norfolk sound really lovely but I have to agree yes she is being very manipulative and she's just a laughing joke. As for her hitting you just who on earth does she think she is? Not once was a hand raised to you by myself or yaya and the same can be said to Poppy and Gregory. The one massive thing I don't believe in is ever smacking or hitting or anything else any of my children. I don't care how old violence is never an answer how would she like it if it happened to her. She needs putting down and in her place. No one can expect to lay a finger on any of my babies and expect to get away with it. Even Paul wouldn't stand for any if it. I'm really sad you never got all the photos and really annoyed that they have been withheld. I was told you could have 4 photos each time. I hate having my photos taken haha but I had a few taken for you. I'm not the skinny mini I was before now though haha medication really messes with the system plus I do have a bit of a sweet tooth haha. I'm sure you will like the card I've made for you this year, I made so many of them but decided I wasn't going to sit and make another 70 for school so I did snowmen for them haha. I love glitter glue so I've made really good use of the silver one I bought. Oh yes I have amazon prime as well. I've bought so much from there I feel I'm keeping them in business at times haha

Oh yes please I'd love to know what she says. And oh I've only got 4 or 5 photos over the years:( and oh yes I have amazon prime hehe. And yeah card making is so fun I love it more when it does get messy or glitter ends up everywhere, me and a past friend used to throw glitter everywhere at each other when doing arts and crafts and stuff like that haha. And I thought you might have sent more but never had any proof or anyone tell me oh kat a letter has arrived from your mum.hehe I really can't wait to meet poppy I never thought I'd be a big sister so to know I'm one and have to amazing siblings that are so crazy and cheeky is amazing haha. And aw bless haha, I really can't wait to meet her, I think I want to see her as much as she wants to meet me haha.and yeah I ended up quitting music because my passion was turned into a chore, if I didn't do practice or refused to do atleast 2 hours I'd get slapped or something elsw along those lines, every passion I've had she's turned it into a chore for me, but my passions are slowly coming back the more time I spend away from her. And yeah I'm safe and happy , surrounded by people who really do care and the facts haven't changed over the years I've had my friends, there's been no abuse only love care and support for each other. And when I figure that out I'll tell you as I'm really not sure, the older I get the harder it is for me to think of things I'd like haha, I know I love sparkly/or fluffy stuff and creative stuff but I have no actual idea haha. Jacqui has sent more very negative messages to me, spiting me and telling me she's "tried" and "failed". Saying she's always tried to take care of me ignoring the abuse I've received from her. It's funny reading what she says to me because Tyler laughs at it and Heather and Riley are livid because they know the facts and the truth. It's only jacqui who doesn't see it or realise and then said earlier that she can't apologise to me yet for everything. Tells me of for dragging the past up even though she keeps doing it to me, I'm getting really fed up of her and she still expects me to go to Norfolk for Christmas with the whole family and I just said no because I'm not risking my sanity and safety just to make her happy and be able to use me. She just said then "if you won't accept I'm trying to improve I can do no more" and more that I just can't be bothered to answer her and argue back. I'm absolutely fed up of her, I don't think she realises that she uses alot of manipulation and narcissism. But oh well, hopefully one day she'll realise, but God knows when that day will come. I'm just really glad right now I'm keeping her at a safe distance xx

Haha I'll look forward to receiving your letter haha. If you want I can let you know what Jacqui puts in her letter. I sent a few photos maybe around 18-24ish and I had copies of your baby photos made for you as well. Amazon prime if you've got it has the elf on the shelf on including the St Bernard one haha. Oh yeah I love those dog breeds. The fluffier and cuddling the better. Ooh another card maker well I have a ton of stuff you could use haha. I have so much and no room but I make do. Always looks a mess but that's the fun. I had a feeling you weren't receiving my letters and if Jacqui was keeping them from you she's done that to plant the seeds of doubt but trust me I always sent 2 letters and a birthday and Christmas card. Everyone my end will back me up on that. I have always thought about you. I always talk to Gregory and Poppy about you. Poppy is a real miss impatient though. All she has asked over the years is when can I meet her just tell her I'm free on Sunday when I'm not at church haha I keep telling g her she has to wait and you can't rush. All she says to me is, yeah and why not mother haha oh she's a real cracker. I have shown your photos to them as well. Yeah Jacqui sound like she's very pretentious. Making out all these years she's been there for you and knows all about everything you were involved with from horse riding to violin and saxophone. She told me you decided to give everything up but didn't explain why. To be honest all that matters to me is you're safe and happy. Just a daft question now, if there was one thing you wanted for Christmas/birthday what would it be?

So am i There really is something wrong with her. And I think you should I have no idea but also to keep her relaxed abit I will write a letter haha. Ans oh wow so many ! To be fair I love your handmade cards they are always so pretty I do a few myself for Christmas and bdays of everyone's fave animals in funny ways haha. And yeah I'll also be very surprised if I'm allowed to say what I want, but I can experiment with it haha and thank you, you've never given me a reason to doubt you ever just everyone else planting the seeds of doubt and uncertainty. And I'll be interested in what she has to say too haha.and over the years It started of with me receiving every letter but as the years went by jacqui has kept them from me supposedly by accident, I've not received many photos only a few, but im not sure how many you've sent anyway haha xx and that's all I wanted to talk to you no barriers no control just open honest words.
And aw your making me want to watch them, I might try and find them and give them a watch :D I'm curious hehe xx and oh I love St Bernard's they are so big and fluffy hehe xx

Bless him, I'm so glad you have Tyler by your side through all this. She can't keep doing this to you though. If she really can't see what she's done wrong then there is something wrong with her. I was wondering myself if I would get a letter this year haha. I have cards already made for this year, I've been making them since July so have almost 200 made. 70 of those are for school haha. I would be very surprised if you would be allowed to say what you really want to say. This page is for you to use and message any time. I don't mind if it gives you a peace of mind that whatever you say is private and stays between all of us who knows. I won't be breaking your confidence. I'm just so happy to be finally in contact with you and I would never do anything to make you think you can't trust me. It will be interesting to see what Jacqui has to say this year.  but I'm surprised the postbox is still allowing contact through them. I am wondering how many of my letters, cards and when I could send them photos you received as I've written to you twice a year since 2013 and it got me thinking last night from our talk that you were made to feel I didn't love or care for you but I made every effort to write and respond every time. I wanted more but was told it was never possible. Anyway the important thing now is that we can talk and you can talk to me about absolutely anything you want. You will never get any judgement from me.
Yeah elf on the shelf is really fun. It's sad but I really love watching them. I especially love the elf on the shelf st Bernard haha 

Aw haha I've never seen the elf on the shelf films haha but if they work then hey ho hahah and aw that should be really good:D I've had jacqui come and see me today and it didn't go well, I'm getting very horrible messages of her and then things like oh pick out what shoes you want me to get you, its really confusing me and then she keeps asking what she's done wrong to me and I've explained too many times to her I believe personally. The only thing she's actually said that's been nice ish is about writing you a letter and being able to say what I want which i don't believe she will let me say what I want. I'm really glad she doesn't know about this page otherwise god knows how bad she'll become once she realises I'm telling you everything, but Tyler cheered me up straight away and was there by my side. I feel so lucky to have him xxx

Ooh time to wrap up warm and cozy then haha. I've just done dinner and we are watching all the elf on the shelf films. It's one way to convince Gregory and Poppy that they need to be good or santa won't come haha. Plus while they are watching they aren't messing around. They may go and play together later though so that will be fun until tea time. I'm hoping the Advent candle arrives soon they are both looking forward to it coming 

Aw good, youll figure something out haha xx and Today I have no idea haha, all I know is I'll be going to the shops at some point haha xx

All done. Now time for a cup of tea. Have you got any plans for today? I have no idea what I'm going to do now but I'm sure I'll find something haha

Haha yeah no electrical fires allowed haha. Oh he is definitely a little old soul bless him. We have just finished the living room tidy up. Time for a break then I must crack with the kitchen thankfully not a lot to do in there. It always seems worse than it really is. Poppy has run to escape the tidying up haha can't be cross with her she does the right thing haha Gregory has helped I honestly don't know where we found him because he is so lovely. He's sat humming to the christmas decoration music now happy as a snowman on ice haha. Yeah it does seem that whenever something good has happened it snows, I just love it so much ❤️ 

Aw bless him hahaha so young but such an old soul and aw that should be good I hope you get the planning permission. And aw haha I just absolutely adore the snow and its almost like everytime something good happens or I finally feel good it starts to snow haha. And oh yes in door snowball fights are brilliant so much fun, and aw that's a shame but good to not start electronic fires haahaxxx

They both have their quirks but yes Poppy really is so much like you. Gregory really is a little gentleman but honestly he reminds me of a little old man at times. He gets the milk in on a morning and before he gets it he has to stand outside with his hands on his hips and have a good nosey around the neighbourhood just to make sure nothing interesting is happening haha. Yeah I can't stand tidying up but I really hate mess as well unfortunately since moving to the new house 2 years ago the house is still so unorganised. Things still in bags and boxes with more stuff coming over. I'm in the process of applying for planning permission to sort the loft area out so it can be accessible and so I can start storing things up there. Yeah I absolutely love the snow. It snowed on your first Christmas and first birthday and it snowed on your second Christmas and birthday as well. I always associate the snow to you. The day we started talking again was the day it started snowing again. I was so giddy with excitement. When it snows I make sure u go out and I'm the first one to put footprints in the snow in the garden haha. I once had a snowball fight in a flat I once lived in. It was so much fun but these days I can't risk it due to all the electrical items which is a shame indoor snowball fights are so much fun haha

Aw haha good, oh Gregory is growing up to be a beautiful gentleman and poppy well... we are alot more similar than I really did think hahah I hate tidying, I find it alot of effort but obviously still have to do it haha. And oh I'm jealous we had snow lasted a day and now it's just feeling like a normal day, I got so giddy when I first saw the snow though. I feel its been ages since we had itxx

Thank you Katrina, I had a ok sleep thank you. Old age kicking in haha. It's time for the challenge of having a tidy round. Poppy and Gregory aren't liking it much, well Poppy really , she's a little diva haha Gregory is a really good helper though so that eases the burden of housework and pain haha. But need things sorting for christmas. They are both really excited and I really know about it haha :D but it's definitely a good day we have snow hee hee.

Good morning mum, I had a great sleep, I just woke up hehe, hope you slept well too xx and thanks I hope so, I also hope you have a great day aswell ❤️xx

Good morning Katrina, I hope you slept well last night. You are going ro have a great day today :) xxx

You can ask what you want honey I will answer what I can on here but some things need to be talked about in person. Yeah I swear too definitely a trick or something haha. I am so very happy we are talking. I will be on here tomorrow and will keep checking in. I'm here for you. Anyway you get some sleep sweetheart . Happiest and sweetest of dreams to you xxx

Yeah i agree, no matter how hard sometimes jsut gotta put yourself first. And exactly. And aw right i wont ask anymore about him i was just curious coz i barely rememberwhich im guessing is a good thing haha . And aw aye, and atleast its mostly good thats good. And aw god i bet he probably cheats haha, these monopoly players i swear do a slight of hand trick or something when you dont look . And i hope We get the chance soon to , i think itll be amazing filled with plenty of fun and love ❤️xxxI think I'm going to bed soon feeling very tired but very happy that we are talking again, goodnight mum I hope you have a good evening and sleep well ❤️xxx

It is very hard to walk away but it's something you need to do for your safety and sanity and you will find in doing so it may well be the best decision you will make. Steve hmm yeah not going to say much about him but it's not good. I stopped talking to him 15 years ago because of some really awful things. I don't know a lot about him these days and it's probably for the best. As I said in a earlier message family life is not perfect and there are still a few issues that I'm having to deal and live with but mostly it's good. Yeah I don't really like monopoly ( but Paul still loves it ) I say he still cheats at games haha there's more fun times and more happy memories to make and I hope we will get the chance soo. To start making those happy memories xxx

It is very hard, I do feel abit of guilt walking away from jacqui but I know it's for my sanity and safety. Just really sucks it has to be that way sometimes. But despite the odds we try to survive and thrive no matter whats thrown our way. and aw bless haha I'm glad he's got help and is getting the support he needs.im so glad he'll be leaving the hospital :D and oh I'm getting jealous now that sounds like a dream. Hehe I did love some of my dreams and how much they made you all laugh .and exactly, no-one was there to help or defend me so I took it upon myself haha and god am I so proud of myself haha.
For sure I have so many more happy memories than bad anyway. And oh god haha I hated monopoly when I don't win I still hate it to this day hahah, so stressful and I still blame everyone for cheating when I do play hahah. Aw there's so many good memories and we always took care of each other no matter what. I don't understand how no-one saw that and understood it. We were and still are such a close knit family. But I really am happy to hear robs getting better and doing better. Is there any news on Steve? I don't really remember much about him, I have a vague blurry memory but still not entirely sure haha.

It's hard to try with some people. I've walked away from a few family members because I tried and maybe too much and in the end it was something I needed to do. That hasn't solved all my problems as one family member is relentless but its her who has the problem and I will keep fighting for my family and I won't let her win. But I see them as a lost cause and not something I can help fix. I still love her even with all the bad stuff she has done and accomplished against me and my family but I can't be there for her and I won't talk to her again same for the other family member just as bad truth be told. Yes Robert did have a werewolf mask he's still as daft as a brush bless him. He keeps asking after you. He is finally leaving hospital this year it's been a long battle helping and supporting him and after almost 15 years we have finally won. He will still need round the clock care as his mental health is very complicated they can't truly diagnose him with any one thing but knowing the right support is in place for him is a real blessing. I am so jealous of where his new home is because its got a lot of history and is in its original state all be it modernised. Its such a beautiful place. I'm going to be arranging to go and visit him probably next weekend if I can. I need to take him his presents and house warming gift to him. I remember the twinkle little star night, I could hear you singing through the walls haha you had a beautiful voice even in your sleep. Me and yaya used to giggle about the things you got upto in your sleep. But absolutely that boy had it coming to him haha and I'm glad you can feel proud of that moment. I remember saying to the teacher no one messes with my little warrior. Her face was a picture. She told me off for laughing at such bad behaviour and I told her how can she stand there and say that when they were irresponsible for letting it happen. You did the right thing and I don't care about the consequences. Yaya just kept saying you go girl haha and I completely agree. Aww the good memories are still there and they overpower the bad ones. I remember playing monopoly with yaya and because she was winning you didn't agree that it was a fair game and threw the entire board off the table. Ee I don't think I laughed so hard until that point I almost wet myself and yaya just laughed and said well that's never happened to me before I now lose haha it was absolutely hilarious 

Indeed, it's a shame really coz I really did try with jacqui but she always favoured Georgina. Even if she did something wrong I was to blame, never understood why. And I do agree with everything you've said about jacqui, I've tried telling her she needs to seek help or therapy and she just says it's me, I learnt over the years how to just ignore her and just laugh at her antics, yes it made her more mad but It made me laugh harder knowing that everyone knew it wasnt me and it was her. And yeah as soon as Tyler saw the message he put my phone down, told me it wasn't true and said he wouldn't be helping me if he thought I was a burden and everything which just made me really happy and the overthinking stopped immediately. And aw god my night terrors haha I remeber the werewolf one haha, oh god it was so bad, I can't believe how over active my imagination was but I'm not sure if I had the terror because of was it Robert who had the werewolf costume for Halloween, I'm not entirely sure, memory is abit fuzzy haha.and aw I remember going back and forth between yours and yayas, I used to love living right next door and having easy access. Oh wow, I totally forgot about that haha I still feel pride about that moment, I just remember having so much adrenaline, he deserved it though! Not my fault he strangled me haha. I'm so glad I got my own back on him. I do remember one night I stayed at yayas and I had another night terror and the guy in my dream said if you don't sing you'll die so I sang twinkle little star hahaha. Aw such good memories, I'm giggling so much about it haha, I'm barely able to type I'm laughing so hard haha xx

I have found over the years that some people are very good at hiding their true colours until one day their masks really slip and their true self is exposed. You are never a burden and no one should ever say that to you. That's Jacqui saying how she feels and that's her issue and her problem. No child no matter their age is a burden. Jacqui needs to look at herself and sort herself out, she needs to face her own issues and stop blaming others for her own failures. I'm so glad that Tyler has the know to dismiss what the silly mare is saying. When you were little you used to suffer from really bad night terrors and one night you were sat on the stairs you were asleep but with your eyes wide open and you crying your eyes out. I asked you what was the matter and you threw your hand up onto your head in a very dramatic way and said to me your a werewolf and I need to kill you with a silver bullet but I haven't got any haha always has me giggling even now. You then got up and went next door to yaya, you told her I was a werewolf and you were staying there the night and you stayed there until school the next day. I used to leave the backdoor open as yaya lived next door and she left her backdoor open so you could go in whenever you wanted and so I could go and check on her just before bed and get her settled as well. Another funny one was you came out of school one night in floods of tears and when asked what was wrong you told me one of the boys in your class had held you by the throat and when you tried calling for help he held your throat tighter. I marched straight back to school and literally flipped out why wasn't I called why wasn't I told why didn't they do anything. They surprised me. They told me they had called the boys mother but not me as the boys mother had to take him to hospital I asked why and the teacher told me that because no one had seen or noticed what was happening you punched the lad and broke his nose and that's why we weren't called. As I walked home with you I was so proud and just kept telling you what a good girl you were. I walked into yayas with you and you were still upset and even yaya said how proud she was and well done baby girl and we both burst out laughing

Yeah my sisters place is brilliant and the support they give is amazing. They've helped me realise that my home life was f* up and not right. And aw I don't really remember Julie but she seems great. I'm so glad I now have facts and know that you do love and care for me. It's not your fault you thought jacqui was nice, we all did at first but her colours were revealed and yet she still loves to deny any of it is her so its helped me really see clearly. I especially know now I'm not alone and I am loved and not a burden to those who really do care and love me. I received a message from her earlier saying I should stop burdening people but Tyler was quick to dismiss it and comfort me. I really love the idea of being tortured by Gregory and poppy, as soon as I found out they were born I couldn't wait for day I get to meet them. I love seeing pictures of them and I have a few pics with me that I keep looking at and smiling about, they are just so adorable and I'm so happy to be a big sister I love it so much I would love to hear them talk forever about their memories and everything that's happened as well as from you. And oh dear haha I don't remember much from when I was a kid but I do have some really good memories I've always remembered, especially the sand pit we used to have haha. And oh dear I have a few of them kinda stories always the best but even when it's passed there's always that cringe of oh god I did that xx

Oh it is a very funny story thankfully a short one but still a really embarrassing one for me. I laugh about it now but I still cringe haha xxx

My sisters place is wonderful they have been there in my past too. They are really supportive and know exactly what to do in times like these. I believe you will see the joy in life again soon and yeah we all need to meet the hyperness will be so fun and great haha. Yeah I don't want to miss anything but I'm just so happy to be talking to you for what feels like really the first time properly. You will reach a point where you will know that nothing was your fault but as you've said it does take time. Julie is so excited for us both. She was with me the night they took you and we were at her house. She was with me the last day I saw you and she was there throughout my fight. She has always had the faith we would reconnect even when I never thought it possible. Yeah I'm so glad to still be here. I would never want to leave you feeling completely lost or alone. You have a mother here who has always loved you and who will do anything and show you how much. You should have had and known love your whole life. I'm angry with Jacqui for all the awful stuff she has done and how she's lied to me from the beginning. I thought she was lovely but knowing the truth about her is incomprehensible. I just hope you know now that you are loved and you aren't alone. Heather, Riley and Tyler are there for and with you but I'm here as well and Poppy and Gregory are here and yes they will torture you they will tell you everything about their life and that of me but then they get that from you as well haha I have some very funny stories about you xxx

Also I can't wait to hear about you calling someone horse that sounds like and interesting story hahah

It has taken me a while to stop blaming myself, in a way I still blame myself for some of it but it's getting better within time, I've been advised that once I've got everything sorted to block jacqui, but the support I've been receiving from friends and my sisters place has been so useful. and it's funny how similar we are, so many issues but always trying our best . And oh god I'm so sorry to hear about your friend that's awful. It really hurts to lose people close but I do also believe that staying happy and moving on with life is better. I'm glad you haven't ended your life as I don't know how I'd be able to deal with that, I love you so much. Its OK if you miss anything aswell, I think I've missed quite abit but we are both trying haha. And I know it's heart breaking hearing about the abuse assessment and everything but know that I am now safe and should start getting much better, I promise I'll try to not blame myself for what's happened, it'll take abit of time but is progressively getting better out of all my mates as well I think you'll love Heather the most, she's got the same joy and hyperness out of life like me and you, she does also have her issues but will always find time to smile and laugh with me. I don't know if I've missed anything else I keep going back to check but my brains not working entirely at the moment as I'm just really happy I get to talk to you ❤️

Tyler, Heather and Riley thank you so much for being with my beautiful daughter, helping and supporting her when she had no one else. Picking her up and helping her life see the sunshine. I can't thank you all enough.

Katrina you should never have had to have any assessment for abuse. You were supposed to be raised happy healthy and loved and knowing that you never got that hits me hard. I'm heartbroken that I was never given any chance of protecting you from all you have been through. But I can promise things will get better. You really are not alone and really hear me, you are not to blame for anything said or done by others. Xxx

I am also so very sorry for the loss of your grandma on Jacqui's side but I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend. I have recently just suffered a loss of a very dear friend who was murdered. It's quite a shock and I think that you have to go on with life to celebrate the loss of those who you loved. They wouldn't want you suffering or feeling like that's the only option. I have been where you are and I did try myself to end it all and thankfully it didn't work I have never done anything since because no matter how hard life is and the challenges thrown our way I still wouldn't have it any other way. Through the darkness there is always a light. I keep going back over the messages and making sure I've not missed anything so I will apologise for all these messages xxx

That is absolutely appalling of them. I've told Gregory and Poppy when they are older they are never allowed to leave home. I would never ever dream of kicking my children out. Then for her to be wanting you back because she misses you that's disgusting. She probably wants you back because she can see how much love and support you are getting and that you are doing well for yourself. I know all about social anxiety both myself and Paul suffer with it as well. At times I can be socially awkward because of it as well which can be amusing to some people it's embarrassing for me especially when I'm calling someone horse. I will explain that one later. It isn't easy but you will get there. I am glad you have got accommodation that is supportive I'm sad that its for what you are going through and how you have been made to feel. You are no one's punching bag and truly you need to believe nothing is your fault. They are the ones who are a mess and they should never be putting on you their own messed up lives. You are an innocent and no matter what they have or are dealing with it is 100% not your fault. Again something you sadly get from me is blaming yourself for things that isn't your fault or situations out of your control. But you have nothing to feel bad about trust me on this. Youe life will get better and having such a strong and wonderful support network is brilliant. These are people who are going to love you and help you, pick you up in your lowest of times and help you celebrate in your best of times and go crazy with you. I can't wait to meet you and if I can if you want me to I will be there for you as well I want to pick you up, celebrate and go crazy as well although a heads up I am already crazy I love going around shops playing with toys that have batteries in them that's just for starters haha I want to help bring joy and happiness back to your life, give you the love you should have had in the first place xxx

Haha nope that's just jacqui lying to cover her tracks and to not make you worry which is the only part I'm happy about. And ah I don't care if you get her name wrong I just call them tweedle dee and dum now. And yeah they are care workers but I moved out / got kicked out as jacqui decided one day everything was my fault and she went to talk to Georgina and I over heard them planning to kick me out so I packed and left. I did try uni but unfortunately the grandma I got from this family died and my friend committed suicide 2 months later so it really hit me hard and I wasn't motivated at all. And that's exactly what my friends have said and I'm not to blame. I actually got an assessment done recently for abuse and I've been classed as a high risk case which is why I'm hoping to get into supported housing. Hehe he really prefers me happy he gets very sad when I'm sad or stressed or anything coz all he does is try and make me feel loved and cared for and he has to keep reminding me I'm not a burden and I've done nothing wrong which I'm so grateful for. And that's the exact same with me when I find something or someone that makes me really happy hehe. I'm also really happy I can talk to you without having to watch what I'm saying, I got so annoyed when letters got sent back and I was told to change different things, there was sometimes 2 or 3 drafts because no-one was happy with what I wrote. And I'd also love you to meet Tyler one day, he gets very shy and anxious around people but I'm hoping to help him improve with that coz like me he's not exactly had a good home life the last few years so we are supporting each other in hopes to get better or atleast so we can go out without social anxiety haha. As of my friends I've told them I've reached out to you and they are really happy for me, I keep updating my best friends Heather and Riley and all I'm getting is encouragement and unlimited support. They know how hard it's all been and they are really happy that I finally reached out because they know I was debating because of the lies spread but now it's been cleared they are overwhelmed for me. I'm just glad at the moment I'm away from jacqui, she keeps asking me to go back because she "misses me " but I think that's because in a way I'm her emotional punching bag ect. She's a very interesting person (but I wouldn't say in a good way) I me we do have good times now and then but as of the recent years its been very tense because I keep trying to avoid her and all the baggage that comes with her . I'm so glad I have you and everyone else who loves and supports me. I just hope moving on from here I Don't bump into more people who are like Georgina or jacqui, I won't lie.

Oh wow, Jacqui told me that you moved out because both she and Georgia ( sorry if I got her name wrong, can be rubbish with names ) were care workers so you were on your own so you decided to move out to the university student accommodation. I had no idea it was because of what she was putting you through let alone that she was retired. As for her blaming you for her own unhappiness it was her choice and you are not to blame at all for what is happening or happening in anyone's lives. I'm so overjoyed that you have a really good partner who has and is supporting you through everything and is able to cope with your happy hyper haha. Unfortunately you get that from me I'm such a big kid and anything that has me happy or excited I go into my happy hyper mode ☺️ I am so happy and excited to be able to talk to you properly and not be limited on what I'm allowed to say. I would love to meet your lucky lovely young man one day. I want to thank him personally and sincerely for everything he done for you and for being there for you when you need someone the most. Also I would like to thank all your friends who are supporting you also. You have a family that love you so much you deserve all the best things in life. ❤️ xxx

We've both been screwed over so much by the people who took me away and me by my family its not been fun and oh I didn't realise jacqui stopped writing that's annoying and im fuming about how many lies were spread about you to win and to fill my head withnall these bad thoguhts but now I can talk to you personally and fill you in on what's happened. I haven't really lived with jacqui for the last 3 years as as soon as she retired because after 10 years of not really having her around she suddenly tried to become a "mum" after rejecting me, blaming me for all her issues ect. But we move and learn. And oh dear hahaha that's such a good threat haha
And yeah they tried to change my name I was absolutely fuming, jacqui was even thinking about naming me KITTY !!!! LIKE NO THANK YOU ! I really can't wait to see you as well as poppy and Gregory I'm so excited at the thought of having my family back even with extension so much time we both have to make up and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us all. I'm so happy to know I'm loved and cared for which really makes a change from how life had been for me. Its only been in the last year recently I found the right friends and partner who've made me feel just as loved as I feel right now from you and reading your words. I can't explain how giddy I am, my partner is having to deal with my hyperness at the moment but he's really happy for me as he's been supporting me for a little while now trying to get life back on track and he's watched me work myself from the lowest and making good progress. I was hesitant to reach out but now I know I made the right choice. I've learnt so much and people can say what they want to me now about you and I won't believe it. I know the truth and I trust my heart more than my brain and this just feels right. I'm so happy I really do live you all so much and if I know yaya as well as I think she does she's probably bouncing of the walls knowing I've reached out and we are trying to reconnect and reconcile xx

I'm also really happy you refused to let them take away your identity. I am dumbfounded that they really wanted to change your name. You are you and no one can take that away from you. I am so proud of the strong woman you have grown up to be. We all have our falls and life tests us in ways we cannot even imagine but with the strength that we have we also know that nothing has the power to win. We get back up and we keep going because why should the bad things ever win. I know I wasn't allowed to know where you were but that also explains why I never received a response from either social services or jacqui in answer to what happens with contact when you turned 18. I was never going to try and disrupt your life. I wanted you to be happy and safe and cared for as well as loved when you were taken from me and i would never have dreamed of jeopardising anything. But now you are an adult and I just want to be able to be here for you now. I have so much time to make up for. I want to be able to give you everything I wasn't able to give you as you were growing up. My heart is truly full. I keep welling up and crying but it's because I'm so happy to be talking to you but at the same time so sad for what you've been through. I'm a tough cookie and life has not been easy it's still throwing challenges but I seriously would take all.your hurt. I would rather have it and suffer than have you feel or go through any of it. I know Poppy and Gregory will be so excited when they get to meet you xxx

I had absolutely no idea about any of this. I didn't even know that you would be looked after by a nanny when it is supposed to have been Jacqui looking after you all this time. Just let me know a day a time when which is good enough for you I will arrange things my end it doesn't matter when or where I will be there don't doubt that. I am appalled that you were treated the way you were. I'm honestly lost for words everything they accused me of to win their case that wasn't true and they just allowed you to go through all that without protecting you. You should never have had to deal with any of this horror. I am here, I've always been here and I am not going anywhere. We have both been well and truly screwed over. That last visit my friend Julie was with me and when they drove you away i was just broken, absolutely destroyed, and she has helped me keep things together over the years. Paul has been fantastic as has his family like all families we have our issues but they have always been there and supported me. It still doesn't make it any easier though. Yes Poppy and Gregory certainly look like you Poppy the strongest look alike but I think that's because of her being a girl too haha. They can both be challenging at times but they are still young all I have to do is threaten to use them as toilet brushes and it seems to do the trick haha. I know you stopped writing but like I've said especially knowing that my instincts were right and you had been told so much to mess with your head, it doesn't matter. What you were told was going to have an affect on you and until you knew yourself you did the right thing. It was hard not hearing from you because I just needed to know you were OK. Jacqui continued to write although I've not heard from her since last year. But talking to you now is all that matters and being able to say what I really want to say and be able to answer questions for you is all that matters now. I want you to know that I am here to help and to support you in anyway you want and need. Just say the word. I am so happy.
Ooh the little monsters have just walked in from grandma's it's chaotic because their elf has started putting the decorations up haha.

I can contact you if you if you want bit if you want to do it then that is absolutely fine. Take things at your pace sweetheart. I love you so much xxx

I hated being told what to write, I was always told, don't tell her where, don't tell her the name of this place and that, don't tell her where you went until after I'd been there. It really annoyed me and my last name was changed but that is all, jacqui tried to change my first name which I absolutely despised and managed to win against that decision. So luckily I still have my identity I also really like my name and when they told me I need Safety measures before I went to see you it really miffed me because your nit dangerous, you've never done anything wrong to me or anything, I just remember being loved by you and yaya. I understand it was to make my transition into another family easier but it was so unfair, they all treated me like i had no idea what was happening as well when i knew very well what had happened and what my future now meant. I now have your number saved to my phone, when I have credit I'll give a text so you have my number as well. Thank you for always being there and loving me and supporting me. And haha I find it weird abit how similar me and poppy aswell as Gregory look alike but it also makes me love them so much more seeing how adorable they are and how much they've grown. Social services for me kind of let me down as before I was adopted by jacqui a few incidents happened where I didn't feel comfortable and I felt unsafe but they rejected my worries and told me what was happening to me was normal but i knew it wasnt. I get she has tried in a way to make me happy but it's always been very off and instead of jacqui being around I had to deal with being looked after by a hired nanny.it made me miss you so much more. Also with trauma and ptsd I fully understand that as I also deal with the same issues and until recent I didn't really have anyone to talk to that believed me. I'm very sad about what happened and how it happened with the adoption and everything else but unfortunately I just kinda had to live with it and re adjust. If I can do Thursday I'll let you know as soon as possible if not ill try and pick a date and time that will work perfect for us both. I will admit I did stop writing because of the thoughts planted in my head but I've been able to work through them and put pieces together and in a way it makes me furious but atleast I can now talk to you and we can figure it out together. I'm very sorry for the long message I don't remeber everything that was said unfortunately haha but I hope I've included alot of it . I love you so much to mum ❤️

Just a little bit I missed but yeah I am ready when you are to meet. I will take things at your pace. I have a free day on Thursday after 12pm but any day and anytime can be arranged for you I will arrange with grandparents and will change times with carers should I need to. Nothing will get in the way.

I know exactly what you have been through and we do have a lot to talk about. Yes I was young and with what happened I do honestly blame myself because I should have known better, I should have done better. I will never not blame myself. I know how having doubts put in your head can make you question everything and anything. I get the safety but at the same time they all knew that that I wasn't as bad as they made me out to be. Unfortunately this is Middlesbrough social services. I can honestly say though that they aren't all bad. I've dealt with other services due to your siblings and obviously what happened with you and that was through redcar and cleveland and they have been fantastic. I had so much positive feedback when we were with them. Don't feel guilty or bad about having those doubts and insecurities trust me I completely understand. Being told what to say was always an issue, the amount of time I was told to rewrite my letters and the amount of times my letters were withheld. I had to chase them constantly and there was one time in around 2018 where I was constantly on at them because I hadn't received any letters for 2 years. I was constantly told I couldn't put I love you which was why I ended with always in my thoughts. But I have always loved you from even before you were born. I was also always told I could never put mummy and had to sign them from Sarah but obviously I refused to listen. I can be a little bit of a rebble at times haha. I was informed that my letter would be looked and and reworded at some points which not knowing the system really I thought that my letters would be given to you as I had written them but I don't really know. I know the seeds of were planted it's been a well known fact that's how social services usually treat children in order for a "perfect" readjustment into a family. When I met Jacqui just before she adopted you she came across as such a lovely person and it settled me a little that you were going to be with someone who would love you as much as I did even though her letter came across as someone looking down their nose at me. I didn't want the adoption to happen and social services trued to force me to sign the papers which I refused and fought through court for over 4 years. They finally won as my solicitor ended my representation without notice to myself. Everyone else knew but me. So I went online and I did a lot of research and found that our case was one of a forced adoption. There was just nothing I could do and I am so so very sorry. There has never been a moment where I haven't thought about you not that Poppy ever let's me forget as she so much like you as a young lady. We had every excuse thrown at us for why a reconnection couldn't happen from my physical disability being a shock to my mental health issues. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and PTSD which has constantly been thrown at me but there are reasons I struggle. Somedays can be bad but I still muster through I have your yaya's strength as do you. You have grown up into such a strong young woman and I couldn't be any more proud of you yeah that's a lie my pride just keeps growing. I have always wanted to reach out and I have tried to find you since not hearing back about the next steps but I was never allowed to know your name which they told me was never changed but I'm guessing that wasn't true either as I've never been able to find you. I was so scared to send you a message because like you I thought that you didn't want to hear but I got a strong sense that wasn't quite true when you messaged on here. Anyway my message is far too long and will be a little overwhelming which I'm really sorry for but I need to you know I have always loved you and always tried to do everything for you, I won't ever give up. I'm so glad you have looked into your trust fund and that no matter how much is in there that it may help. I am going to leave my number with you and you can contact me any time and I am here for you, I will listen and I will help you. I love you so so much 
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I was always made to believe in some sort of way you didnt care or love me as much. So reading what youve said really has made me see everything in such a different life . I would like to reconnect whenever i can with you ans of course youll have to work around the carers and my siblings but thats ok :D i woke up this morning feeling an overwhelming sense of love that i havent felt for so long so I am positive that some one is with me right now looking after me and loving me aswell as my partner of course haha. I would love to see you whenever, wherever i really juat cant explain how happy i am i reached out and got a response, i was so scared incase you didnt want to. And yeah I got promised a reunion but because of how I was made to feel I didn't know if you actually wanted to and I was abit worried i won't lie because everyone made it seem like a really big deal and like I needed to put Safety measures in place when if I'm being honest that's what I need to do against certain people in my life right now not you. And you shouldn't be sorry you fought but you were also so young but that's OK, I've learnt so much and met so many people over the years, yes I wish I had done it while with you but at the same time I'm so glad I've met the people I have as I now have a really close small group of very supportive friends who can get really intense when summit happens to me haha.and yeah social workers as well as my "family" had filled my head with so much and then also controlling what I could say really annoyed me as I just wanted to tell you everything. And thank you for all your support mum it makes whats happening at the moment so much easier to get through and i feel now talking to you and finding out more truth i can make it through this and come out better on the other side. And yeah i always feel yaya around, sometimes ive caught her scent brief but definitely there which makes me feel so happy and relaxed. And i have been looking into my trust fund all i need to do is submit my id and hopefully then it will be sorted :) thank you for setting it up for me ❤️ i never got told you wanted contact but there is also quite alot to talk about around that time i think aswell that well need and be able to talk about. But not once did i ever not want contact with you i just became wary because of what was being said to me. And your gut feeling was right and right now im doing abit better, i am waiting for a referral to be made for me to have supported housing to be arranged which should help me get back on my feet further. Im also very happy i found this page as its reallt helped reading everything and its a way for me to reach out with noone trying to control my speech and what i write to you.i also wouldn't want you to take my pain, you've dealt with so much more than I can ever imagine aswell, but with pain comes lessons and I think if it weren't for the pain I wouldn't be the person I am today. And in all honesty I've been ready for so long to be able to contact you so I'm happy for any contact info whenever I don't want to wait much longer. I love you so very much to mum, I won't ever forget if you don't forget how much I love you and really do care for you ❤️

Katrina honey, I never lost any love for you. You are my baby and always will be nothing will ever change that. We can reconnect anytime you want. I have to work around carers and Gregory and Poppy but I will always make the time and can arrange my day. I am positive that grandparents won't hesitate to look after them both. All you meed to do is name a day and time and trust me I will be there waiting with a cup of tea and a good listening ear and a hug so tight for you. I have been promised over the years of a reunion but was always left doubting myself after nothing ever happened and it was heartbreaking. I've cried so much. Never ever say sorry for anything it is me who should be sorry. I tried so hard to fight but things kept going against me no matter what I did. I did everything and more that was asked of me but the lies that were told made it impossible. I have never given up on you and I never will. I just want to be able to talk to you properly without being told what I can and cannot say to you. I truly am sorry for everything that you are going through but trust me you have my full support. My door is always open I'm really not joking either. I know how hard anxiety is and trying to break through that barrier but trust me you don't need to feel anxious with me. I am here just say the word. Yaya will always be there for you, she may not be with us in life but she is here. She is watching you and she is holding you. She never let you go. I will never let you go. Please look into your trust fund as well like I said it will help out even a little bit. But honestly I am here. When you turned 18 I asked about contact with you but never got an answer, I just thought you had a busy life and just didn't have time or just didn't want contact anymore. I had a strong gut feeling that you were being told things that will have twisted everything but don't you worry about any of that. What matters now is how you are, what I can do to help. I've not stopped crying so we are both in the same boat. I've been wanting to talk to you since you found this page which I have never told anyone about and I am so happy you found it. I was just scared what you might think or if I messaged would you respond and I can't tell.you how happy I am that you did, I'm just so sad that you are going through everything and if it was possible I would take it all away from you and suffer myself for you. If you want any contact information I can provide them to you but only when you are ready. I won't push you. I am always here and will wait for as long as you need. I love you so very much sweetheart please don't ever forget.

Thank you mum so much you have healed the hole left in my heart tonight. But please, please keep holding Katrina