Janice Marie Murray
July 21,2013, That day I will always remember...had gone down to Wilson to see granny & pa that day..got home a little after dark.. Hayden was standing in the kitchen snacking on something...I was so glad to see him cause he had been away on a mini vacation visiting friends..we stood in the kitchen and talked he seemed to be in a really good mood..he had taken his brother Gavin out to eat earlier that evening...I showed him some old pictures on the I-PAD of him and others...we laughed! I asked if he had to work that night..he said he was leaving around 10-10:30..later, he was on the computer printing something...WHY DIDN'T I GO OVER TO SEE WHAT HE WAS PRINTING? WHY DIDN'T I TALK MORE WITH HIM THAT EVENING/ WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME HE WAS HURTING THAT BAD? why, why, why? I relive that evening over and over everyday...I had no idea that would be my last day seeing him, my last day to give him a hug, to tell him how much I love him...Hayden was leaving that night, went out the door and then back in as if he had forgotten something..stood in the kitchen a minute and then left for good...Why didn't I get up from watching tv and go to him then...I just sat there, asked him if he needed something he said no...I told him to have a good night at work, to be careful and that I loved him..Hayden replied, "love you too mom"
July22,2013, I woke up about 7:30 so I could unlock the screen door for Hayden...he was usually home by 8:00..i fell asleep on the couch waiting for him that morning...about 9:30 a knock on the door, I thought to myself why is Hayden knocking...at the door wasn't Hayden, instead was three strangers...they asked to come in...they said they were detectives and a grief counselor..they told me my son had committed suicide at a park near by around 3-4 am...shot gun in the chest, notes to family, friends, & one to the police dept...that was what Hayden was printing that night suicide notes...he had been planning this tragic event...I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, why? he worked two jobs, was going to college, stayed home, was free to go and come and I know he knew how much he was loved...what was going on in his life I didn't know, I didn't see..i try to be strong for Elizabeth & Gavin and in front of others but I'm dying inside