It's six years ago today that you left me at 3:30 a.m. That morning is forever etched in my mind and thoughts, my son. People say it gets easier with time.... maybe for some, but not for me. It just makes the time longer since I've heard your voice, touched your face or giving each other a hug. I still wonder why you had to leave me. I ask God this question often. Someday, when I'm with you and mama in heaven, I won't need the answer 'cause it won't matter then. You've been reunited with your dad, grandparents on both side, and met your Aunt Helen Marie who I never met. Just know that I love you more than life itself and I miss you soooo much that it literally hurts my body, everything that I am. There's nothing... no words, gestures, understanding from others or anything that makes this easy. You are my precious son, my little blonde hair, brown eyed boy that I love with all my very being. Have a wonderful time in heaven, and when my time is done here on earth, I'll be sad to leave Bret and Cristy, but in leaving them... I'll be with you. Not my choice, but God's. I love you to the outermost edges of space and the universe. Wait patiently and rejoice in the goodness of our God and all that He is.

My son, my precious son...Oh, how I miss you. There are no words, thoughts or feelings to describe how deep the emptiness goes. As I sit here at the keyboard with tears streaming down my face, I'm wondering how to cope with you not being here with me, Lee, Bret and Cristy. There's no answer to this question. Before you left me and made that final journey, you told me you were going to, but I didn't know it would happen so fast. I'd gone to the hospital to stay with you till I could bring you home and I was only there about four or five hours....but GOD had other plans for you, my darling son. I just don't understand why he took you, but I know now you can breathe, you can walk, run,see, and most of all, you can see Jesus and tell Him how much you love him for rescuing you and making you whole again.
I love you with my whole, entire being and I miss you with my whole entire being.
I was with you when you took your first breath, and I was with you when you took your last breath...something a mother, a parent, should never have to endure.
Now all I have left of you are ashes and memories, but they're sooo very, very special to me, since you're not here physically. Your ashes are in a very special and beautiful urn with a big fish on front, and I can hold you in my arms when I grieve and mourn for you or just when I miss you so much I cannot stand it..like right now.
REST IN PEACE, my big buddy. We all know we'll see you again, my Hodgie. I love you....Mom