昨夜倾接来电，我九十五岁的阿姨于8月13日在美国波士顿睡梦中溘然长逝。念及往日阿姨对我的照顾，悲从中来。

阿姨是我见过的真正善良的典范，是我一生的亲人和人格的榜样，往事可追，往事历历在目。

大道至樸

读书虽少明大義，
善良岂在学问深。
一生勤劳唯克己，
不留虚伪愧世人。

（......我忘不了电话里阿姨的笑声，我忘不了90多岁时她还大步流星，我忘不了高高阿姨录给我的阿姨背诵九九口诀，我忘不了阿姨看着我时慈爱的目光。

阿姨对这个世界所求甚少，把一切都奉献给了她所爱的人，阿姨的品格是善良的典范，是我心中的一座丰碑。人不一定要做伟大的事业，人格的本身才是最高贵的。我向阿姨致敬，并愿她在天之灵安息！）

大风歌

2018年8月18，大早盼云霓，又怕风吹走。

今朝狂风剥枯树，
落叶满池，
捞得很辛苦。
衣架零乱袜单株，
躺在水底练工夫。

抬头且喜黑云佈，
久旱无雨，
人也盼甘露。
天目含泪不轻洒，
好梦最怕醒時空。

姥姥不光是我两个孩子的姥姥，也是后来很多人对我妈妈的尊称和爱称。姥姥辛勤劳作很多年，但她却很少说起。这还是刚听到我半个世纪的老朋友，老邻居讲起 -—- 

一九五六年，原华南分局负责人调入北京，想找一位家乡人代为照顾小孩，料理家务，姥姥做为优秀的劳动妇女，被推荐来了北京。姥姥来北京后的十多年中分别照看过两家人。因为她的勤快，因为她的精心，因为她的善良，得到了这些家人的高度评价和赞赏。因此大家相处也像一家人一样，那时人们都叫她阿姨。阿姨很能干，特别争气。每天打扫洗衣干净利落；做的饭菜好吃可口；照看孩子更是全身心的投入。

我所记得的、也是她最得意的菜肴中有蒸甜花生包、炒米线、焖咸饭，还有不少汤的做法和鸡肉的做法。那时她每天去买新鲜的蔬菜，这让她学会了精选不同的肉类、菜类，她还边看边学边琢磨，想方设法做出大家喜爱的饭菜来。她总是为他人精打细算。 “览” 潮州话发音是la4，览来览去，就是到处看，到处挑选，这样既能选择好品质的肉菜，又能讨价还价省下钱来。

她做的饭菜怎么会这么好吃？

我在后来的做饭中，跟她学了一些“秘方”。比如做肉丸汤，她反复叮嘱，肉要选好的，作肉丸一定要把肉剁烂，放点淀粉，放点蛋清，然后反复用筷子“打”，打到佐料都“吃”进去，这样煮的肉丸鲜香滑嫩，吃到嘴里口感才好，不会一粒一粒的......。她每天都做饭烧菜，每天都如此精益求精，她的饭菜越做越出色，越做越好吃。

很多人喜欢她做的饭菜，总是夸赞她的手艺，这让她非常开心。除了家人吃饭外，他们的亲戚朋友和同事也常常成为座上客。记得那时妈妈常说某某某喜欢她做的汤，谁谁谁喜欢她的炒米线......。

她爱干净，又特勤快，总是花百分之百的力气做好每一件大事小事，天天如此，从不抱怨。因此对妈妈大家总是赞不绝口。

说起带孩子，她更是精心。把孩子带的干干净净、白白胖胖、人见人夸。好多年过去了，被带大的孩子从来没有忘记过阿姨的辛苦、阿姨对他们的疼爱、对他们的恩情。几十年来，凡是有机会他们都会去看望这位从小把他们带大的阿姨。

8月20日

The first time I met Lao Lao at last year’s Thanksgiving party with Maggie’s family and friends. When I arrived, there she was, sitting there peacefully reading by the window. She got up and greeted me. Even though we could not communicate with each other because of language barriers, I could tell that she was a very warm and welcoming person. A fond memory from that day was that after dinner, we gathered on the couch to play 24 (a card game that involves flipping over 4 cards, and using math to make them equal 24). I won a few games in the beginning, but then Lao Lao started picking up the pace and before I knew it she was winning the next few rounds. I was astounded, there I was getting beat by a 93 year old woman. Not only was Lao Lao a sweet and kind woman, but she was a 24 expert who can kick your butt even at her age. Her mind was still amazing, and I hope in the future when I reach that age I could still be as sharp as her. You will be missed, Lao Lao, but your kindness, warmth, and gentle spirit will be remembered forever.

When LaoLao moved to the states with my parents over 20 years ago, she brought along just a few material belongings, and an English vocabulary to the extent of “Hi and Thank You”. But she put these words to good use. She loved to communicate with other people and express how much they meant to her. She was also always greeting you with a rosey smile on her face-- and it felt as if, to her, your presence alone was a gift, and so she would never ask for anything more. But if you did show her that extra little kindness, she made you feel deeply appreciated. She would thank you from the bottom of her heart, taking your hands in both of hers, and laughing with delight. And I suspect that there was magic in that laugh, for although she never asked for much attention, she was always deeply admired and cared for. It seemed to me that a reason people loved to do her these little kindnesses because it felt so special to see her smile, and to thank her for having made this world so much brighter.

I spent a good 6 months with my grandma in her senior center last year and saw the naunces of the way she interacted with the world daily. There was one evening when I spotted her standing alone by the window of her bedroom, just quietly talking to herself. I was really curious and eventually asked what she was saying, she told me she that she was thanking was the stuffed animals sitting along the window for keeping watch over her home while she was away. Over time, I also noticed the way she sometimes thanked the elevators for taking her up and down, and how she would sit quietly in the lobby in the early morning before the other seniors arrived, waiting for the shuttle that would bring them to senior day care. She was always excited to go play mahjong with friends there, and thus never showed up late and never missed a day without notice save for the time she was jet lagged from travel, and then on this past Monday, her final day. Since then, my family has put in her casket a mahjong set with a winning hand on the top layer so that she may forever be winning, or (“fa cai”), and I’ve put a stuffed animal there to continue watching over her new home.

A grandmother’s selflessness leaves deep impressions on a grandchild. Can you ever truly feel like you’ve repaid your grandmother enough for the giving your family the gift of life and showing you the wonderful things that make it life? Well Shuo and I would sometimes confront this question of “repayment” with food. I wasn’t as confident as Shuo in my cooking and she would rarely let me take her to a restaurant, always deciding: I’ll jsut eat these leftover dumpings for dinner, but why don’t you take this money I saved and buy you and your friends something nice to eat. Well, I thought I hit a jackpot one night when she finally told me she was craving some fried chicken. I quickly ordered delivery and when that box of chicken arrived, her eyes got real bright and wide and she suddenly started laugh, and then continued laughing until her cheeks were a little red. What she said then was so simple, but her words really hit me. What a funny world it is, where you could take out a phone and have a boy with chicken show up at your door half an hour later—it’s a thing she never could have imagined in her lifetime.

Later on, it made me think of series of voice memos between my mom and my grandma that I came across on my mom’s old phone, in which they recounted in detail her life in Puching. No-one ever told me about her past, but I’d always wanted to know, so some of these stories gradually helped me bridge that gap. I heard there was a time when when a an leader in my grandma’s village hoarded the sweet potatoes for his own family—the other villagers were starving but frightened to speak up. But despite the risks, my grandmother went to this family and asked that they considered the plight of the others even in their own hardship and share their plenty. You sometimes had to stand up for yourself to get justice as well as to just stay fed. My grandma was that kind of nature fighter. So while i watched her laugh at the chicken and have it strike her how plentiful this life could be, an equal force struck me with how much we take for granted. I have since been thinking, maybe I could never give enough to this woman after all, when her laughter alone could remind me of the hardship and strenth of an older generation and leave me so humbled. Perhaps the only gift to we chould strive to give now is the knowledge that we are learning from the many gifts she has already given us.

But despite having tasting bitterness, she was never herself bitter about life. She was a funny and adorable person. I remember outside the senior center is a road sign that reads “slow, elderly.” Well the cars could slow down for the elderly but my grandma was not going to slow down for anyone. She treated her walker like her mustang, and every day, she and her shiny car would be zipping down the halls. There was so much vital energy there that we’d often thought she might live to a hundred; and while that can’t happen anymore, we can celebrate her having lived the life she had to over 100%. Even in today’s material world, my grandmother was someone who looked for no more than what she had. She lived deliberately and enthusiastically, and for that seemed to me the wisest woman in the world. She was a tough and bold as a young woman and equal parts gentle and sweet as the Lao Lao we remember. And as I once said in a high school speech, she is my Yoda — a petite Jedi warrior with simple words and much wisdom. I think I speak not just for myself when I say that ultimately, she is a true wonder and lifelong role model. We may always wish we could have shared her last meal; been there for her last round of mahjong; or been a more perfect grandchild. But then again, she was and always will be at peace with who we are and what the world is. From above, she will continue to give to us her gift of unconditional love.

After we knocked on the door excited for a party, LaoLao was always one of the first ones to greet me and my family. With her warm smile and welcoming words, it was always a wonderful way to start a fun gathering with friends. Even though we only saw her a few times a year, if that, she always could tell my sister and me apart - a feat that sometimes confused people who saw us often! She'd remark on our growth and ask us how we're doing. During the party, LaoLao would make sure we had enough to eat and were enjoying ourselves. In a lot of ways, LaoLao was a grandmotherly figure to us Xu children who rarely got to see our own grandparents in China. She watched us mature from kids to adults, and made holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas (traditionally family oriented events) more special because we got to feel like we were part of an even bigger family. Our memories of LaoLao are only filled with warmth, beauty, and happiness. From the many holiday parties to relaxing at the beach, we'll always remember LaoLao's good humor and loving heart. We're going to miss the way she brightened up our lives and will strive to learn from her love for life and steadfast spirit. 

2017年12月23日，姥姥和奶奶每个人出资五百块钱为大家举办了一次5千米长跑比赛。晚上还给大家颁发了奖状和奖品。姥姥热爱运动，勤劳奉献。是我们每一个小辈的榜样。