Hi Jake, I just wanna say hi to you. Wish you and your family all the best~ Good news is I am going to be a graduate student just like what I said to you.

Jake, You are so incredibly missed by your family, friends, and students. I was fortunate to be a professor for all of you at U of Nebraska-Lincoln. My heart goes out to your Mom and Artie, your Dad and whole family especially. I so wish could have witnessed what else you would have been and done on this earth. And I know you are with the angels. 

I miss you Jacob, every single day. I continue to wonder what you would be doing now, what mid-life would look like on you, and how our lives would be intentionally connected. With a heavy breath, I continue to honor your life and savor the joy you brought to mine. Love you, Jacob. So truly and deeply. Wishing your family continued peace and solace.

Jake...I continue to miss you. It seems like just yesterday I heard the news of your death. I still am in shock of it. I think of you every day and wonder what you would be doing now with your very gifted life. I talk often to you in the pastures and whenever I see a bald eagle or red-tailed hawk I stop and pause and reflect on God's plan for each of our lives, and the planning and timing of each of our lived moments. I have learned to live in each moment, and yet look forward to the day I see you again. I Pray you are safe and loved in God's arms. I hold you close in my heart and think of you many times a day; sometimes with smiles and sometimes with tears. I continue to love you deeply... you are precious to me.

i miss you most in summer...we would spend entire afternoons playing Call of Duty on the Xbox...I really miss that..and the talks we had about everything under the sun. You would not recognize the place, but your hand and your presence are all over this place. miss my pal, miss my son.....

Thinking of you Terry and the Eckstein family today. Hugs

Dear Jake, you are always remembered!

Barbara

1 Thessalonians 4: 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died.

Happy Birthday - you would be 40 today -- starting your "middle adulthood," and it seems weird to think of you in that way. When you were born, you were so small, and yet, you have had such a huge impact on our lives. It still seems so unfair and unreal to me, but I have had a number of opportunities to share about you and who you were. I look forward to the day we will be together in heaven, and you can meet me at the gate and show me all the "cool" places :) - I think of you every day and continue to miss you. I will love you always!! - mom

Happy birthday Jake

I have so many stories I could share but I won't....
I will say that you're not only a Son I lost, but a good friend as well.
Miss you alot and think about you. EVERY DAY!
Happy 40th!

artie t.

Happy Big Birthday, dear Jake! Yesterday a friend was talking with us about I-Ching, and all the memories of you came to my mind. I well remember you once said you were studying I-Ching. I did read a related book many years ago but was never able to get deep into the idea. Sorry that I didn’t have much to say then as to the topic. Early this morning, I got up early, prayed, went jogging, read the Bible, and then I arranged the whole morning to stay quietly with you, listening to the music, thinking about you, turning the pages of your books, and talking with you. Thank you for being the very beginning point where I started very seriously following the Lord’s steps. Thank the Lord for bringing the ever renewing meaning of your life in my life. Jake, I believe God’s Grace will make me able to see you again someday and we shall have an enjoyable long-time talk. Thank the Lord that your Mom and I have become good friends in Christ. Yes, I have a lot to talk with her and will write to her soon. Happy Birthday dear Jake!

Dear friend, Jacob, please forgive me for not speaking about you often in my life anymore, but you may be glad that every friend of mine knows about you and the beautiful stories between us. You may have already known that I am in a very critical period of my life. So, wish me good luck. May all the efforts be worthy! I will talk to you next time~

Dear Jake, it’s the fourth year now. Every time I remember you, I can still feel the guilt in my heart, which comes from the self-accusations of ifs, if I had rudely broken into your apartment days before to verify the fact that you were drinking again when you explained you were getting thinner because of your dislike for the foods, if I had forced you to hospital one or two days earlier despite your strong protest… However, I didn’t, I chose to fully respect your own choices… The guilt will accompany me for the rest of my life, together with the beautiful talking moments, the sometimes-annoying sarcastic arguing, and most importantly my love for your purity, generosity and occasionally shown loneliness… I have taken the guilt walking along, and meanwhile I have confessed it before God, for He understands, comforts and better guides me for the rest of my life. When we see each other again someday, I’ve got to have a long talk with you, for you did owe me a deep talk. A video of July 6 of 2018 was found and posted in the gallery, where you, Crystal, Andrew and I were chatting after class. May you smile at it.

Four years it has been since I received the call that you had died and it still feels like the first day. You are continually on my mind and heart and everything I do is twinged with"if Jacob were here..." You had such an impact on people and I am not even sure you knew that. The lives you touched with your eagerness to help people and you often were simply kind to anyone who needed anything or needed help. I know there was another side to you when you would get angry and short with people, but you always made things right. You were in tune with the world in a way many people are not. I miss not having you to talk to and I appreciated our conversations so much. I love you more than life itself and I pray you are making the most of your heavenly home. You are loved beyond measure -- mom

Never forgotten Jacob. Happy birthday. I've kept all of your letters. Until we meet again. -JS

Thank you for sharing new photos and tributes. This is such a special place--a space for reflecting on Jacob and where I/we are in our grieving/remembering processes. I miss you, Jacob. I miss you deeply. I still have regrets about all the things we never said and did together. You were such a special friend--my one and only guy. I'm so glad the universe brought us together, and I'm still so frustrated that you are gone. I often think through what I imagine you'd be saying about all things political and social in these current, chaotic times. I still hear your voice. Still have your photo at home on my dresser and at work on my desk. Still love you, dear Jacob. I still dream of what could have been and honor what was. Wishing you a continued celebration of May 3rd forever and always. xoxoxox

Happy birthday Jacob! Thirty-nine years ago today, a little screaming baby entered the world two weeks early, jaundiced, hair so light it seemed you didn't have any, wrapped in a pink blanket (they were out of blue ones). I said, "good, I wanted another girl!" Surprise, surprise - you were supposed to be our Sarah - :). It took us almost two days to name you, and the nurse finally said, "if you don't name him - I will!" And so we named you Jacob - not noting that it meant "the deceiver". As you grew, you told us the best stories ever - about EVERYTHING - and we never knew if you were telling us the truth or making it up! I guess that was a gift God gave you because you went on to get your MFA in Creative Writing. When you were little, Grandma Eckstein used to hang your stories on her fridge ands save them, for she always told you that you would be a great writer; Grandpa Eckstein used to hold you on his lap while you told him story after story, and you would make him laugh.

You did remind me one of the last summers you were home, and we were making a fence, that you were no longer "Jacob, the deceiver" but rather "Jacob who wrestled with an Angel and was called Israel." You were one of the most talented and creative people I have met. I continue to be so proud of you! I continue to miss you and love you to the depth of my being...

Genesis 32:24-32

24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.

26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

27 And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.

28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

Hey man, happy birthday!

In 10 mins by Chinese time, it will be your 39th birthday. Happy Birthday to you, Jake!
On my bookshelf, there is a particular place holding your books left here like Herodotus The Histories, The Silk Road, etc. You are welcome anytime to come to sit down reading them. Please rest assured, I won’t feel frightened, for I know you are clothed in purity, generosity and compassion, as always. Hallelujah!

Thinking of you.

Oh, dear Jacob. I still miss you, still love you, and still think about you and your family often. I don't have stories to share because most of the things you said to me were inappropriate and argumentative. And that, my friend, is what I miss most. Your incessant incorrigible badgering--trying to get me to engage with the most inane of devil's advocate scenarios. Such a handsome, zestful energy, and one that drove me crazy. I always imagined what kind of kid we'd have had, had I been able to talk you into fathering a lesbian's baby. I think you probably would have. And I think our kid woulda been loud and good lookin'. Blessed be your memory, Jake.

Hello Nancy. I saw an email in my box this morning about the anniversary of your son's passing. I went to the website and re-read your tribute and looked at all the pictures. I would loved to have known your son. I think we would have had a lot in common and had many a stimulating conversation around our love of animals, the inanity of politics today, faith, education and doing things that elevate the human personality and hope, and reading and writing, lots of writing.
Peace be upon Jacob and you too my friend.
One day my wife and I must come visit and see your horses because no 10 people love horses more than my wife.

I have left the apartment where Jake lived unoccupied for three years. Several times each year I went to do some cleaning and it was also a way of remembering him. I did it again 3 days ago. Some of his pens were still on the table. I did not want to throw away everything of his. I was one of the very persons who most closely experienced his disappearance and afterwards went through long-time unexplainable gloominess. His loss of life somewhat made me seek for spiritual help and I found Jesus Christ. Thanks to Jake. May your hometown’s soft and green grass be best comforting you. Thank Lord for His Grace and Peace.

I was looking at my calendar last week and knew Jacob’s birthday was coming soon. Happy birthday Jacob and I hope (know) you are keeping everyone entertained in heaven!!

May 3rd will always be your day, Jacob. I think of you often--as I have since meeting you over 20 years ago. I still hear your voice and your perspective. Miss you, champ.

Happy Birthday Jake!! I think of you every day and always wonder what you might say about things (the state of the nation right now), what you would be doing (something that included pens I am sure) and also where you are now and what you are doing. We have 2 bottle babies so far and I know the last time you were here you did bottle-baby duty :). I think of that every time I feed them - you really loved the baby goats and always worried about them. "MOM!! The babies are crying! MOM! The babies are out!" You were born 38 years ago today - 2 weeks early - tiny - but even then you had a loud cry and were impatient to "get going." I miss your voice and seeing how you would have grown into an amazing young man.

I pray for you every day - the Jesus would hold you in his arms and that you would know his love and be at peace. I miss you so much and losing you hurts just as much today as it did almost 3 years ago. You are not forgotten but live large in my life. Be blessed - mom

p.s. I might get that tattoo :)

Happy Birthday Jake.

Hi, Jake! How are you? It's been a really really long time! I didn't know why all of a sudden I start to think of you again. I wish I can visit your family and see the place you used to live when the time is right. Hope you and your family be safe and heathy! God bless you!

Merry Christmas.

I met Jacob at University of Nebraska where we went to college. Many of my memories are faint with him. He just crossed my mind so I decided to search for him on the internet. I had failed attempts in the past but decided to try again today, only to find out that I was a bit late. He was one of the most brilliantly intelligent guys I had ever known. We often spoke about meditation and spiritual growth. He was way ahead of his time in college. I knew he would turn out to be a powerful person since his soul was so bright. So bright that I thought of him nearly 20 years after my last visit with him. 

I pray for you every day, Jake. I don’t know, whether you need me to do that. I just cannot stop it. Miss you.

Jake, woke up thinking about you again today and how perfect a day it would be for you to sit outside and write for a few hours before coming insside and kicking my ass at CALL OF DUTY..I miss you, Son.

Thinking of you and your family today.

In so many ways it seems unfair that the world doesn't stop and grieve with the rest of us; it just keeps going and going, despite the pain of loss, unanswered questions, and raw grief. To all of you who knew and loved Jacob, my heart hurts with you today. Praying that you find hope and comfort even as you remember his antics, his wit, his ambition and his love.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful reflections, Nancy.

Jacob, I miss you, and I'm still mad at you for leaving. I often see your framed face on my dresser and start my day with, "Goddammit, Jacob." I know what you'd say about the state of the world, or at least I know the sentiment that you'd clearly express. And I'm mad at you for not being here to drive me nuts about it.

As time goes by I continue to harbor guilt and frustration at not seizing the day with you--all of those missed opportunities to connect and engage sit like an annoying vibration. Why didn't I meet with you in DC? Why didn't I call you more often? Why didn't I tell you how much I really stinking loved you? I think you knew. But I wish I would have insisted on you knowing. I suppose as I grow older without you, I realize that your death taught me to live more fully, more urgently, more honestly, and more intentionally. But it sucks the way we have to learn lessons.

Missing you today, dear Jacob. And as I read your mother's words, I'm mad at you still for leaving her. It's so much easier to be mad--and you know it's just posture to cover the pain. You were so special and so smart, gentle, and unique. I miss your voice, your laughter, and your touch. What an impact you've made on my heart. I thought I'd know you forever, and that we'd grow old together. Not like this; it wasn't supposed to go like this. Hope you're hanging with the lady angels and causing a ruckus. Until I get there, stay gold.

While it is difficult to believe that you have been gone for 2 years already, it really isn't as each day stands alone in harboring my thoughts of you and as I continue to seek to understand why you left us. When I sit in my devotions and reflections, you and I have had some pretty heated conversations since you left -- mainly your mom lecturing you that I told you to be careful!!! I remember when I would be in "mom" mode with you after you had done something mischievous (even into your adult years) and I would run through the litany of names -- Aaron - Jake - Artie - Jessi - Terry - Spikey - Barabbas- (even all the animals got included) and I never could land on your name in the passion of the moment. You would calmly turn and look at me and say "I don't think you should be allowed to lecture me unless you know my name..." That would always make us laugh and then we could carry on a calmer conversation. I miss you every day and I think of you throughout the day; I hunger for stories of you that only those close to you can tell as they always make me smile and laugh as I reflect on the joy and energy you brought to our lives. I know you weren't perfect - but your heart was always good and kind and I could always count on you to talk to; I knew how much you loved me and I know you knew how much I loved you.

I wonder what you would think of everything that has happened in our world for the past two years - I would have loved to discuss it with you as your perspective was always multidimensional and deep and yet, always with a sense of humor and accompanied by your wonderful deep laugh. I pray everyday that you are in a better place and discussing all these things with Jesus while his love and peace fills your heart and soul. I am hopeful that you would say "Mom! (you always said that with emphasis and a pause after it) - This place is awesome. I never want to leave it!" Just like you often said of China :).

I saw the most interesting thing yesterday. I was driving down the gravel road along the pasture you worked so many hours in and a hawk came alongside my car, close to my window and kept pace with me - flying alongside the car. I sped up to see what would happen and the hawk sped up with me - in a straight line, maintaining its proximity and it did not stop until we came to the grove of trees where it performed a huge arc and flew to the very top of a large oak tree. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I wondered if you had sent the hawk - in one of your quirky jokes - to go "race mom" and see what she does.

I am not sure children understand the impact they have on their parents' lives until they themselves are grown and have children. When you lose one, your life changes completely and you become aware of all the little things you took for granted. I know I am a richer, deeper and more kind person having had you in my life.

Sending love your way, to all.

2 years already...... where has the time gone....... I wonder what Jacob would think of the state of the world these days.... I am sure he would have lots to say :) ..... My prayers to Jacob's family as acceptance can be so hard some days....

Happy day after your birthday, Jacob. You would have been nearing middle age today, or at least I would have told you that--and societal expectations for your maturity would have been a topic of conversation.

Yesterday, on May 3rd, we spent hours walking through a cemetery to pass the beautiful Chicago afternoon. Every tombstone that bore your name filled my heart with your presence. Miss you, buddy. Think of you all the time. Look at your picture daily. Such a handsome, charismatic reminder of our brief time together on this plane. Until we meet again...blessed be your free-bird status.

You are not forgotten, never. We miss you in China. With love.

Happy birthday in Heaven Jacob! 

Happy birthday Jacob. I just sent you a Facebook message before I logged onto here. Long Live Timespace Incorporated. I love you Jacob.

I learned today of what happened and I'm absolutely floored. I lived with Jacob for a summer in Norfolk, Va during his time at Bryant and Stratton "college" (The air quotes were Jacobs addition) and in those three months Jacob's virvacity and intellect inspired a change in me that became a large part of who I am today. He enouraged me to be more considerate and to think more deeply about the world around me and how i affect it. He pushed me to do better for myself, and to dumb myself down for no one and at the risk of sounding crass he even taught me to hold my liquor. The times I visited him in DC were some of the best times of my life and I will always remember them fondly We kept in touch but Jacob and I both had a distaste for facebook. The last message I got from him was a meme im still too dumb to understand but that was our friendship Jacob was always a little too smart and it tricked me into becoming smarter because of it. I will miss him always and I pray he is at peace

Forevermissed indeed Jake. I will never forgot those very vibrant days at Lincoln. We continue to pray for strength and courage to deal with your passing. Rest in perfect peace.

Jake will always be remembered as whip-smart, wise (and a wise guy), kind, creative. Even as time passes, you will be with us!

A year has passed and I think of Jake often. I remember his humor and energy. I recall him wrestling with a wire fence out in Nancy and Artie’s yard. I believe he bested the fence! Although time passes, memories remain well-placed in our minds. You are missed greatly but remembered forever!

Walked part of the Camino with my daughter, Madison, in May. You were in my thoughts almost daily and... 'its just a stone' you might say...but laid one for you at a point on the trail in Spain that was 'you'.  I walked past it at first, then turned around and walked back to that specific place. You were very much there. Thanks.

I pray for strength for your family everyday, Jake. Hugs. 

May peace be with your spirit, my dear friend. 

Psalm 23:1-2 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

Hard to believe we're already at the 1 yr anniversary of Jacob's passing.

Time has a way of running away with us leaving us to reflect back on our memories of those who have left us to soon.

Rest in peace Jacob and rest assured that you are thought of by someone , somewhere on a daily basis. In this way you still live on...…. if only in our hearts and memories. Love you always.....

Jake’s sudden passing away 9 months ago has been and will continue to be a greatest regret in my life. It indirectly but most powerfully led me to become a Christian. Every morning I pray that his spirit be in peace that is from our Lord Jesus Christ. I am continuing to meet some of the young kids he once taught, through whose shining faces, I can always see his broad gentle smile and feel my moisturized eyes. I pray and beg for Lord’s mercy which I believe will enable me to see him again in the future. Jake, Happy Birthday

It has been almost 9 months to the day since Jacob died. I had thought that I would have moved on by now, found some way to deal with his loss, would have begun to move forward -- but I realize that all I have been able to do is to continue to put the reality of his death "on hold". I started to feel the coming of this day on Monday when it occurred to me that Jake would be 36 years old today. Wow -- 36 -- a whole life ahead of him and likely, the best years of his life to come. That may be the hardest for me, that he will never accomplish all that he hoped and dreamed about -- that I will never hear that laugh again, see that lopsided grin and see that twinkle that was his life.

Thirty-six years ago I was in the hospital, two weeks earlier than anticipated and delivered by emergency C-section a tiny little baby -- the smallest of all my children. He was barely 6 pounds and by the time he left the hospital he was closer to 5 and jaundiced. Two weeks later at home, he began to cry nonstop and nothing I did could comfort him...he had colic! Both of my other children were such easy babies and here was Jake...making it known that he was here and it wan't going to be all roses :). When I would feed him he would stare at me so intently while nursing or sucking his bottle and his eyebrows would knit together -- like he was memorizing my face and thinking of all the things he had yet to do in this life. Interestingly, Jessi and Aaron never experienced the "terrible twos" until Jake came along and then they all went through them together -- 3 toddlers in the terrible two stage with Jacob as their ringleader. Even in the midst of the trouble, he had a smile on his face and a sheepish grin that let you know he just "had to try to get away with it"...and even when he was in trouble you had to laugh (never in front of him but at night, talking about the creative trouble that often resulted from him trying to figure life out).
Today, his birthday has been a very rough day as I have wandered aimlessly around the farm and without purpose...thinking of him...weeping over him...weeping over my loss...remembering him...wondering why...knowing that God is in control...praying Jesus holds him in the crook of his arms...

I am sure Jake is on his biggest adventure yet -- for one who constantly contemplated the big questions in life and who sought to understand things at such a deep level -- moving out of life into the thereafter early would seem natural. As medics and doctors were trying to bring him back to life with CPR for over an hour, I wonder, did he hover between the spiritual realm and this life and make a choice to go? I wonder if he knew the huge hole he would leave for those of us left behind and whose hearts would break anew on days without warning -- those who would miss him desperately...whose lives would never be the same again?

You brought us joy and life and laughter and our lives were blessed to have had you in them. Be blessed as you blessed so many others...

Happy birthday Jake -- my beloved son -- the joy of my life -- the pain in my heart -- you are loved and missed -- and not forgotten......

--mom--

p.s. Please go to the LIFE tab and revisit the two videos I made for his memorial service (Part 1 & Part 2 of his life).