My One and Only MacDaddy,
Daily, I live with constant reminders of you. I find solace, as your former investigative vocation is televised throughout the day, in scheduled programming, entertainment and the news media. The prominence of your elite society continues to reign. Unfortunately, the disease that took you away, is repetitively viewed as well. Vying for cancer patients, with highly competitive commercials, a bombardment of research news and a plethora
of medical facilities. I believe it's a rude reminder of those, like me, who witnessed helplessly as the disease ravished and deteriorated the bodies of our loved ones.
Babe, it's been exactly six years ago today....since your ascension. I feel blessed to continue to live in the environment we shared. I will never ever forget you....I can't. What I'm trying hard to do, is to control the flashbacks of your last days here on earth. Although we had twenty three years together, flashbacks of your last few weeks haunts me. I witnessed you suffer and die. My heart ached every time I observed you grimace in pain. I prayed on it because you didn't deserve to suffer. With God's help, I've been able to control the flashbacks. God replaced those flashbacks by showing me images of your hands.
I have distinct memories of your hands. The touch of your hands felt strong, firm, soft and overwhelming. In appearance your hands were even toned and proportionate in girth with the length of your fingers. The shape of your nails were sort of flat, circular, actually strangely enough, similar to my Dad's nails. Your nails were always clean, perfectly manicured and always buffed to a natural luster. I remember when you first reached for my hand, as we crossed the street, your grasp tighten as you guided me into the entrance to a movie theatre. I can still feel that hand on my shoulder, gently maneuvering me into the right direction. The grip of your hand was like a sanctuary of warmth, that evoked a sense of security and peace of mind. We held hands often and after an extended bond, my fingers intertwined with yours, my fingers sometimes felt a little stretched. So, I started to hold on to your thumb instead and your enormous hand instinctively enclosed my entire fist. And every time your hand enveloped mine, I fell deeper in love with you.
Your Lovingly Mate,
Carolyn