Wow Dad!  The crap that your wife, my own mother, did after your death to complete her mission to completely destroy her own family is astounding.  Fortunately, social media allows me to connect with complete strangers who have dealt with stuff like this with their own mothers too, which helps me learn to deal with it and move on.  I'm going to share the events that unfolded after your passing Dad....the things that were done and said especially after your wife passed on in February of this year. 

-oh how interesting you chime in when money is involved—our life and economics were initially devastated with the crash. It hasn’t been until this month, July 2019,  we even have breathing room. In 2017 when you died, my mother, who we had spoken to and supported on the phone almost every.single.day since my your initial illness in 2004  told me and my family that she was ‘done’ helping us and if we couldn’t have a member of my husband’s family help us get to Ca, then she didn’t give a rats ass. Of course as you well know, she used much more vile language than that, but this is still kind of a public page, so I will spare the sensitive from the full diatribe. 

 It was in 2017 I had to step away. That was the last abusive and vile conversation I had with her. My feelings, my family, my relationship with my father never mattered to her. For 12 years, she literally sat on her butt collecting your pension Dad and so didn’t have to worry about money, work, paying bills or buying food. Her gold-digger friends -- you remember Beth don't you dad? If I remember you had the same pet name for her you had for mom...B-I-T-C-H! --  who went through husbands like underwear were right there commiserating with her at what a crappy daughter she had. She told me that Dad.  She said I NEVER did anything for mom.  What a worthless person she is.  Alex heard it and called her a name you would approve.  

Yeah...I’m Dumping a lot of info here. But some people don’t just come for ‘the money’. Some people come to see if a sibling can de-ice. She drove off and abused every single family member from her family and yours alike. She threw us away and out the same as your sister's and their children Dad.  She thought her vile and abusive rants were going to be possible as long as she dangled the Inheritance in our faces.  And goddam we tried to do the 'right' thing as a family.  Up until the day she died, Brent and I literally discussed this topic:  Follow the psychological advice and stay away like Jamey had to all those years, or follow our Christian hearts and try to make amends.  What I wanted was an apology.  An acknowledgement that me and MY family and literally the nonstop, year after year, crap that was happening to us since literally your illness in 2004 mattered.  I wanted to come to your memorial service, as did my husband and your 2 grandchildren.  But Mary Ann, your youngest son and his wife's family had by then built an insurmountable Wall of cold heartedness towards Brent and I.  Simply because none of them were financially struggling or even cared to take 2 seconds to try and understand what the hell we were going through.  So they supported mom's vile anger and bitterness.  The convinced you to sign Jamey out of the inheritance that you worked your entire life for your family, knowing that you and mom would have something left over for your kids.  Like your parents and grandparents did for you.  But then my cousin told me that your wife tried to grab YOUR entire inheritance just for you and her!!  That floored and sickened me to an extent that I can't explain.

It’s shocking to have a brother choose money over family, especially since he knew how badly we were struggling and would have been in CA to help at any time if we had the money. Like was literally our role until our well ran dry. I've literally heard his mother's sick and twisted version of reality come out of his mouth in regards to the past, myself, the present.  I'm saddened that one of us three turned to the dark side.  The side full of hate, anger, bitterness and greed. I guess that's what happens in toxic families.  The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.  I'm at least glad my children and my husband got all those years with you, Dad; got to hear your stories, learn about the family geneology, see the treasures you collected.  Because it's all gone.  

Every picture, family treasure, memento and the location of my parents graves are literally shut out of not only my life...but that of my children and husband who had 30+ years invested with the mess of my family....simply because we didn’t have the money to travel AND we’re dealing with health and extreme food intolerance issues that made travel more inconvenient and expensive. All because my husband and I were suffering economically and didn't have the AT LEAST $2000 for a round trip drive, hotel, food etc. to travel to California for almost 10 freaking years!!  That's not a lot of money to a lot of people, but it certainly was during those years and honestly still is.  There’s ALWAYS more to the story. 

My dad. The Nutty Professor, genius level mathematician, linguist and Top Secret GMan. My kids thought his car was hilarious---the blue Mercedes filled with books written in Russian, complicated math books and the trunk filled with Ramen noodles and just enough room for him to drive.Being the only daughter of a dad on the Autism spectrum, more than likely Aspergers, was complicated. I always wished he could be 'normal ' like other dads....but I didn't even know the OR Department stood for Operations Research and not operating room until I was darn near a teenager from the man who never even owned a pair of blue jeans. He was a Doctor after all...I just didn't realize PhD and MD were not the same .I was floored when I recently found out he authored over 12 books  because he just never talked or bragged about himself, usually just tried to talk to us in Russian or German or whatever language he was trying to learn. My dad loved me in the quirky way of a Nutty Genius and was amused and touched at the Healthy Eating and Exercise lectures I would give him since I was a teenager  As a lifetime undiagnosed Celiac/Gluten Intolerant I'm glad at least he didn't take my advice to eat whole wheat! But the Ramen and other junk he ate did enough damage because just before his 64th BDay he had an aortic aneurysm and repair that destroyed his ability to work or talk. That was in 2004 and not only was it a miracle that he survived the event, but that he went on to live another 13 1/2 years, especially since his entire aorta was riddled with aneurysms and a jerk world class Cardiologist in Missoula, Montana told me right in front of my dad that unless he had it repaired it would 'bust and he would die'. That was back in 2004.

But dad, if you hadn't had this happen and your surgeon answer our question about whether this happened because you weren't taking your high BP medication with 'No, people can go a lifetime with even super high BP and not have this aneurysm. This is a genetic defect in the very fabric of your dad's arteries.' I would NOT have had my eyes and ears opened to the words Celiac and Gluten.

Everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately dad you had to become Dad Version 2 for the last almost 14 years for the genetic health secrets of the family to be revealed. Secrets that led me to study my butt off to find out Why and What can we do. But I found hope for me, your kids and your many grandkids and I won't quit spouting that truth even though the denial and resistance is a huge hurdle.

Thanks for giving me life, thanks for always being there even though I was as confusing to you as you were to me!