Happy Birthday Dad...Im 53 now and feeling it. I miss you very much. Everyone is doing good, even Ryan. I think of you everyday ans sure wish I could hear your voice again. Not enough words to express how much I love n miss you. Forever loved n missed by so many.
Love Darcia

I went by the cemetery yesterday. Its everything inside me not to fall to the ground n sob like a little girl begging u to come back. Life is pretty difficult right now and its these hard times that I need u the most but also when I'm happy and laughing. I remember how u could make a room of people smile and laugh. I hope you are watching over everyone as u always did and I just wanted to tell u that I should have cherished every moment spent with you. I love u daddy.
Darcia

Happy 90th dad. I turned 50 this month. I so missed you for that one. I just miss U everyday. Everyone lied when they said time heals...it doesn't
 It still hurts
I love u

Happy 90th Birthday daddy. Love you and miss you. Hope you're having fun in Heaven and raising all kinds of hell. Will come by and visit you soon. Love you.

Happy Birthday Daddy...

Hi Daddy
Another Birthday for me this month. I still can't believe I will never hear your voice on my birthday again. It never gets any easier. Your birthday is this week. Life is good but those moments still happen when the grief takes over. Sometimes it's a song, a scene in a movie, a food etc that triggers this grief of missing you n mom. Part of me is gone. I miss who I was when I knew you were there to always make it better. I will always be your little girl n some days I just need my dad. I love you

I am having a hard time lately...

Missing you and some days I just want to hide and cry but I cant. Are u proud of who I am?  Where r u? Why??? If I keep running maybe the pain won't catch me. Right?  I love u daddy

Hi Daddy,  Its me again.  Everywhere I turn are triggers reminding me that I have lost in you and mom. I try and remember that you both had a full happy life but I am just so wrapped up in my own grief that I cant seem to get past the fact that you both are gone. I feel so much guilt for not seeing mom more when she was so close. I was so busy and I guess part of me was still angry that she wasn't in my life for so long and what she did to you but now I regret not spending every moment I could with her just to see her face light up when she saw me. everyone in this world has lost someone but why do I hurt so bad for so long. I hate it. It scares me not knowing what happened to you after you took your last breath. Where did you go. anywhere? other people say they can feel their loved ones near them and feel at peace. I don't feel you daddy or mom  did I do something wrong. are you with everyone else? I hate holidays cause I cant hear your laugh or listen to your silly jokes.  when will this pain end. I hide it so well most days but sometimes that shotgun to my chest when I am alone and something small reminds me that I don't have you guys anymore hits me and I cant breath or function. I'm not doing so well  I'm angry that no one understands and just expects me to be fine.  some days I want to give up but Ryan is the reason I stay as I knw he is the one like me that couldn't handle it like everyone else could  you would be so proud of him dad  he is trying really hard to become a chef like me. we miss you so very much and most days it doesn't seem real that you are gone. Robert is trying really hard to be there for me but I protect him from the full force of my grief cause no one really can fix it so what's the point of falling apart when in the end I lost so many pieces that can never be put back together. I lost so many of them sobbing on the ground at that welcome center in Florida after you took your last breath and faded away from us. I hope you can see this or at least get a sense of how much I miss and love you.. could sure use your advice right now getting through all this. not having either of you to lean on is really hard but I keep working and hoping my day of peace comes soon I have wanted to end my life and all the pain I have felt this past year with losing you and mom my marriage, the kids being unappreciative and learning so many hard lessons about people in my life. I still want to end it some days but as of this second, I wont.... I'm sorry for all my mistakes and I'm sure I could have been a better daughter but I tried my best. I sure hope you and mom are ok wherever you may be. I'm trying to figure out how to do all this without you but no one ever loved me the way you and mom did and no one ever will I understand that now but how do people do this. how do they survive this pain inside and emptiness and feeling so lost everyday  how do I get to the place where I am ok again. I cant be ok again  I'm trying daddy I promise I am but I have no one who can fully take this pain away and I don't want anyone to see the darkness inside and how it is tearing me apart a little bit everyday.  I'm numbing it with bad things and running from it working as much as I can and pretending life is ok but I'm afraid I'm gonna run out of places to hide.  just let me know somehow that you and mom are ok  please don't scare me  you know how sensitive I am about death  just send me a sign somehow

I love you daddy  send mom my love if you see her

darcia

One year ago almost to the hour you took your last breath. I couldn't get there in time. I was just crossing into Florida when the call came in. We stopped at the welcome center you took us to when we first moved there.. I couldn't stand. Just dropped to my knees sobbing and hoping it was just a dream. Didn't know how to go forward without you. Most days still I'm lost. Never had to do this life without you. I can't get the image of you crying when we said what we knew would be our last goodbye. It's etched in my mind so strong sometimes it overwhelms me. I love you so very much and miss you more than anyone knows. I hope you have peace daddy. Looking forward to finding mine someday. I will write more later today. It's early morning around 1 am n I need some rest.

Happy Birthday Daddy. Love you and missed you alot.

Happy Birthday Daddy. No words right now. Just can't do this today. Too much grief and pain for you and mom and losing my whole life as I knew it. I miss you so much that my heart physically feels broken today and a very large piece of my soul is gone. I love you so very much

Hi dad. It's my birthday today...I am missing you so much. I have never had a birthday without hearing your voice. Its very surreal at the moment. I'm starting my life over again after losing you mom and my marriage but it's ok..the pain of losing you my father made me realize that I have to be strong and although my marriage is over I can and will go on..I honor your perseverance and strenth by showing the world I too inherited those qualities from you. the pain of losing so much is overwhelming at times and I'm not ready to face it right now. I'm not ready to admit you are gone so I can protect my heart and soul for one more day and I do this everyday. I know I will have to realize it and let more of that pain in but not today. Today is my birthday dad and I thank you for my life I miss u more than anyone knows and I still don't know how to deal with all this without you. I'm sorry if you are seeing me hurt so much and I'm trying to hide it but today us gonna be a hard day without you. I love u dad.   Darcia

Its been 4 weeks yesterday.... so much has happened since you left. Nothing is right anymore dad... I am more alone then ever and I need you so bad right now  What do I do now that you are gone and I cant hear you tell me I will be allright when I dont think I will ever be allright again? I miss you so much and it feels like my identiry has been shattered and I cant get it back together. I am able to be strong for everyone and I am a great worker at both jobs but when im alone it just hurts so much I can barely breath. I have lost you and mom and now my life as I have known it for 28 years and I just dont know why everyone had to leave me all at once. Time is supposed to help, well its not helping and its just too hard sometimes. Im numb and angry and empty and so much alone. Ive never had to feel this kind of pain and darkness. I need you dad to pull me through this one... help me remember to breath and get up everyday and somehow find a glimmer of hope that someday the smile I pretend to show everone will be real and genuine and that when someone asks me how I am doing, I wont have to lie and say IM FINE...I am no where near fine, just a shell of a girl I used to be. I love you dad and I really am trying  ill write to you agsin soon..

My Father, the man who was always there for me no matter time of day... Who do I turn to for comfort and guidance now, Daddy... The indescribable pain is more than I can bear right now and I hope you are finally at peace... You were my hero, my father, my confidant, my Saturday Morning Cartoon Buddy, My strength when I needed it and my guiding light when I felt lost. I am so lost right now and knowing you are not there to tell me I will be all right is nothing I have ever had to be without till now. I miss you so very much and I just don't know if I will be all right ever again... I hope you know how much I respected you and loved you.... I am not ready to say goodbye and I don't think I ever will but willing myself to get up everyday and reminding myself to breath is getting harder instead of easier... I cry when no one is looking as its easier for them to not see me fall apart everyday, in my car, in the shower, at night before I go to sleep. I know I am an adult but I was always your little girl and no matter what age I was, you were always there to help guide me and not once ever let me down.. How do I go on now without you???? I never felt alone in this world until 230am November 16th 2014 as you took your last breath and everyday since then has been empty and alone. Not one other person in this world has or will ever love me like you my father and its a scary world without your love and support... Everyone says, time will help but I cant see that right now All I see is darkness and despair, I cant seem to love anymore... I hope I can love again and make you proud of me... I'm trying Daddy, I really am but it just seems impossible to love or be loved by anyone right now. Please send your love to me and mine asap

I love you Dad

Darcia