Just checking in, to say that I love you, and I know that with all the destructive behavior I had put myself through over the course of the months following your passing, even though you kept giving me all the signs that even though I couldn't see you, that you were not really completely gone, I'll be damned if I didn't prior to this moment, not see them, I had an inclination, but heartbroken and soul-weary I closed off my Empathic abilities and began to slowly shut down, as I'm sure are aware of.
Then when I had finally reached my new near rock-bottom, the DEMONS inside my head took over and began to possess me in ways, that Honey you know are just not me, at least not to the degrees where I was going. Then all of a sudden it all finally came to one Hot Mess and escalated faster than I could control it, and once a night came, one that I will say has forever and very quickly drastically changed me in ways that I had never experienced in my life before. Yeah, sure I had thought I had gone through and endured Survived the worst that humanity could do to a person, the Devil stepped in once God took you, my WARRIOR, my PROTECTING Angel from me here on Earth and made you my celestial Guardian, and so very easily fill that gap that was left behind. And me life weary and near browbeaten, the hardened cold lonely heart so easily welcomed him in and he started to take root. Each day became a CHORE and not a purpose-filled reason to get up and carry-on. I really just wanted to crawl into dark abyss and just let what life there was still breathing through my body slowly drain and ooze out of me.
It carried on like that for months afterward, till finally that Near Rock Bottom came and it went to a very violent, dangerous head.
I welcomed the Devil's Minion to just waltzing right on in, sit his ass down and pop a top on a cold one, and take control of me. The lead up to the night was slow, well calculated, charmed if you will to a point. And I saw the signs for I would have sobering moments of half-assed clarity and tell myself