The First that was too soon to come

Shared by Twinkle Bernardo on 31st January 2016

How have you been babe, yes it's been a year. For some this day will pass by as ordinary but for me it'll be a day that I wish didn't come. A day of too many blunders, too many unexplainable emotions which broke too much, just too much.  

A few days ago I was cleaning and was about to throw something then TJ cried over three funny looking stuffed toys. She seldom cries Hon you know that she's been tough the whole time. I asked her why, as she sobs, she whispered to me not to throw those stuffed toys because those were her last remembrance of you being lucky with her at Timezone. The machine for some reason just made you clutch those, she said you were really good at it! Well maybe the machine got generous because it knew that it will never happen again. 

Last night, Chot was singing or must I say, jumbled singing. You see he took that from you. Well, so far everything about him is about you. He loves to sing even if some notes are a bit off but like you, he's able to put such charm and humour in those songs that make us not mind if he's off key. Out of the blue we heard the clearest Happy Birthday song. He sung "Happy birthday Daddy" over and over while pointing at your picture... I know he'll be his own person babe, I just hope that more than your looks, he'll take the personality that made me fall for you. 

While I was at our friend's house a week ago I was able to talk to a fellow widow and she asked me if I've seen you in my dreams because she still haven't and it's almost a year for her too. I said I was a little lucky because I always dream of you. Was it really something that I should be thankful for? In my subconsciousness there must be a strong urge that all of these were just a mistake, that I am really still dreaming, if only I can wake up and have you again. You know that if I were to choose, I will stay.   

A year of not being with you is an impossible feat babe you know that it's far too long. We've never been apart for such a long time when we decided to be together. The longest was less than a month when you had a business trip and both of us felt it was so dreadful, we never wanted it to happen again. We gave up a lot of opportunities just to be together but now I know why. Time was significantly short for us, every second became too precious that we didn't let it slip by.   

A year babe and yes the condolences have slowly gone. There were handfuls that stood by and words will never be sufficient to express how I am truly thankful to them. I'd like to think that most just don't know how to approach me or what to say while a lot just chose to be indifferent but I understand. Even I still can't fathom the enormity of your loss.   

All the occasions without you were experienced, you know that I tried my very best. But now there's a huge difference, I no longer feel and find sense why I do my best. Sure it's for TJ and Chot but not without you. You were part of the equation remember? Now, it's pretty evident that whatever I do, the emptiness will just be there, always.   

The years will add up, the pain will probably numb me but nothing is for sure. Your love was so beautiful that it can't just stop. How can I make it stop when your greatest gift of love to me were too significant not to bet my whole life in it but please whisper a prayer for me Hon because I still can't wrap my head around the wonder of your loss, the purpose of it.   

It was once said that it's not strong if you're not afraid... Well one thing is for sure, in the first year that you're no longer with me, I am so afraid that being strong is my only option. I took it without hesitations but still, I don't know until when it'll last. Now I am off to track the second, third who knows until when, but for now it is my greatest hope to find myself being with you again even if it's just in the in betweens.

There's always his LIGHT in all of us

Shared by Andrew Sumang on 11th October 2015

Dearest TJ and Chot, 

     It's been almost two weeks since our trip from the Island of Boracay. I'm sure both of you had fun with your tummies-filled as we all did especially during your Daddy Jd's boodle feast last Sep 27 Sunday :D  For me, the top photo you had was when you blew the candles on his Birthday Cake, with all three of you - Mom Twinkle, TJ, and Chot, together in that shot.
     When you look at the pic of this post, take time to see the very loving man in that orange shirt who's praying for you all the time. Yes - he's your Daddy Jd !!! 

You'll see him smiling at you as the sun rises and he'll wake you up to start your day right.  As the sun sets, it's his way of telling - you did REALLY good for the day. Keep it up the next time!!!  When you're at the Beach, remember that Sunset is his favorite time to take our pictures :D
     On days when the sun does not appear, he's reminding you to cozy up in bed and relax.  Have a good rest as you've both studied/worked hard. You'll need it especially as you grow up and succeed.

     He'll be your forever light shining on both of you and Mom when things do not go as they should.  Just love and hug each other tight and everything will come to it's order. Imagine that he's embracing you too and you'll feel better.
   Still wishing we could have sent him our own light through the sky lanterns I brought during our trip.  Knowing him, he would appreciate the post-it messages we'll attach to each of the lanterns to be lighted and released.  Even so, your Daddy is already blessed with a luminous brightness from Our Father - his new BFF whom he whispers your prayers and wishes to come true :D

Love always,

Ninong Drew   

Shared by Allan August Mariano on 14th March 2015

Dear TJ and Chot,

I first met your dad when we were 5 years old, we were classmates in pre-school. He said I was a cry baby then (it was probably true). twice, he and your mom made me cry, during their wedding and again when he left us. we have more stories to tell as you grow up. but for now, TJ, be good, help mommy with Chot. And Chot if you grow up to be half the man your father was, you would still do great . We miss him dearly

Ninong Allan and Ninang Ayla 

It's All in the Hair....

Shared by Andrew Sumang on 13th March 2015

Dearest TJ and Chot, 

     From Ninang Twinkie's Katinko memory, this time, I'll be telling you of your Dad's fave hair product - L'Oreal Playball Deviation Paste.  Yup!  His secret to keeping his head of hair always well-groomed and in-place whether he's at the Office or jet-skiing in Boracay.

     TJ, I'm sure you will still recall that day we spent at SM MOA on July 4, 2013.  While Mom was buying something, You were with your Daddy when I handed to him a bagful of this hair product which I knew then was his favorite.  Knowing him, he hesitated to accept his too early Birthday gift but I insisted saying, "Syempre, only the Best, para sa kaibigan kong Director!"  And to this, he shyfully smiled then remarking "Ganun? Uy, hindi a.  Mommy o, tingnan mo tong binibigay ni Andrew!"

One of your Dad's best traits for me is his quiet confidence.  With his brilliant mind and all his successes, these never went to his head - only this product :D

I'll regret  that I would no longer be able to sponsor his supply.  Still, I know he wouldn't be needing it anymore -  Your Dad, by now, is surely the handsomest among the new residents Up There :D 

Love Always,
Ninong Drew  

One of the Reasons He Liked Green?

Shared by Twinkie Golosino on 12th March 2015

Dear TJ and Chot,

Today is the 40th day since your dad passed away and honestly, we still can't believe it.

There are so many stories I can tell about your dad but for today I want you to know how he would always be remembered wherever we go... It is through Katinko. We would not have known how special it is if not for your dad. It was him who introduced it to us.

And just this morning, when I drove your Ate Mia to school, it was quite funny how out of nowhere it appeared when I so needed it as Macy was in a fit because she was having a hard time breathing. As soon as I saw the Katinko, I remembered your dad telling me. "Twinkie, ito ang solusyon sa lahat!" (This is the solution to everything!) And he was right again. Because as soon as I opened the Katinko, Macy lunged at it and she was fine. Your dad is just the smartest ei?

I miss your daddy JD terribly. I can't begin to imagine how all of you must too. Your mom, as always, did a brilliant job getting this website for all of us to go to whenever.

I will be back soon. xxxx


Ninang Twinkie

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