It's been awhile since I've been on here. We had a birthday celebration at Winn River Casino. The strawberry shortcake was great. The company was great , but we all lost our asses. I think we're going to make this an annual celebration/memorial/birthday party. The following weekend the nieces and nephews and I ate strawberry shortcake and wrote messages on balloons and sent them to you. I visited Johnny and Dawn, Do Dah couldn't make it, we went to a excellent bbq restaurant in Nice, then off to the movies. " Angry Birds" I thought oh great angry birds, but it was their choice. I loved it. I was so glad we went. I purposely went down on the anniversary of Michaels passing to support Deana. Lately I've not been dealing with losing you so well. I was shopping at Safeway, thought I could buy the white raspberry filled donuts and the kids and I would say cheers. I put them in the shopping cart, I placed them on the counter, then I had a complete meltdown. I told the clerk that I couldn't buy them. I hadn't bought any since your services. I thought I couLd, but it's too soon. I just wish that I would have been anywhere but Safeway when I lost it It been almost 6 months, but the pain is still so fresh and strong . Most of the holidays have passed. I've always heard thatt the first year holidays are the hardest The last 2 weeks have been exceptionally difficult. Your picture is my screensaver on my tablet, whenever it pops up I cry. It wasn't this bad right afterwards. I think it's actually getting harder . I use to think that I would do anything for just one more hug, one more kiss or one more I love you mudda. But just one more would not be enough. I want to see you, smell you, touch you, visit with you everyday. I believe in the after life, everyday I wish that this is the day that Johnny will come to me. No matter in what form or even in a dream. I miss you so much, I know that I will get thru this, but I don't know how that can be possible. It's not getting easier it becoming impossible. I do know maybe it's just now starting to hit me .I love you so much,I can't believe your gone. This is a cruel,cruel world. God blessed me when he gave you to me, then 33 years later he devastated me when he took my precious baby boy back.