Hi Beauty,
I am the man that I am today because of you. You are the reason I have learned how to find joy in my life. I have learned that the hardest things in life can be the most rewarding. You challenged me to be better at life in every way. I miss your smile, your laugh, your intelligence, your passion for life and your compassion for others.
You deserved so much more life than you got, but you certainly lived it to the fullest while you were with us. I am so proud of who you became in life. How you found your strength. Your unending curiosity. Your joy of living and learning.
I tell people that I am not religious, but I don't doubt Gods' existence. When you were born, they handed you to me and I knew I had just received the greatest blessing of my life. I knew that I could not have created such beauty and light. God made you and gave you to me to cherish. It was my job to preserve that beauty and light. With a lot of help from God, and your powerful spirit, I think I did just that. You were here for too little time, but your light shined bright, and continues to light the way for me.
Your "Beans" are growing up full of piss and vinegar. I hope you can see how happy and self confident they are. Every day they challenge Liza and I. Every day they make us laugh. They are doing so well in school, just like their mommy did. They love dressing up (today Sonya is a princess, and Ivy is a doctor). They love snuggling with Caesar (I still don't know how you saw his gentle, loving spirit when we met him ...but you did). I don't know if they're keeping me young or making me old before my time ;-). Sonya threatened Liza the other day (she was not happy with her lunch choice) "When you get old, I'm going to lock you in a room and feed you only peanut butter and jelly!" ...Sonya's favorite meal. Ivy loves to raise her hand during class, but always freezes when called upon. They both look so much like you in such different ways.
I try to tell them a story about you every day. I know they will never know you as I did, but I hope they will find strength and confidence in knowing who they came from. I tell them about how you lived your life with gusto. I cry almost every day when something reminds me of you. Often when I am very happy and realize you're not here to share in it with me. My pain feels like being underwater. Surrounded by the whole in my heart. Liza has taken on so much responsibility for "The Beans". If it were possible I love her even more now than before. I used to tell people that MY mom would "Stand in front of a charging Rhino" to protect me. Liza is every bit as protective of your Beans. I know that their lives would have been much richer if you were here, but they are surrounded by so much love. They were asked to fill out an "All About Me" package for school, and they both (independently) said they had TWO siblings (after Liza explained what "Siblings" were). Each other and Amayah. Amayah too tells people that they are her sisters. She is so patient and engaging with them.
I quickly came to understand that I will never have the words to tell people how much you meant to me. I fall short. Just saying you were always a blessing. I hope you can see how hard I try to do what you would want me to. I love and cherish your babies. I try to live my life to the fullest, and I love and cherish everyone who loves and cherishes my grandbabies.
I hope to hold you again some day. My goal is to be there for The Girls (all 3) until their 30th birthdays. Since you passed 6 days shy of yours. I think that is a significant age. Until then I try to be strong for you, and them.
I love you Beauty!!!!