I miss you really badly. A few days ago I was cleaning off my bureau and found the figurine you gave me for Xmas 2021 in a cup.
This was the first whole calendar year without you, and Al and I just miss you a ton. The world keeps spinning but I think about what you’d say to almost every major thing that happens. And I have no idea what you would actually say, which is great but also terrible. I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy… and I hope you miss us too.
Love you forever croggles
xxxoxoxoxo are-are & cam <34

I checked in to read and look at photos, because my memories of Kate are so far in the past, in her middle school days. Of course, even then she was so special: so smart, so sarcastic, so appreciative, so aware, so beautiful, so easy for me to connect with. I am grateful that I knew her, and I really like to read about her as an adult, and see the photos of her unique and wonderful beauty. I will remember her always.

I knew Kate (or Croc, she’ll always be Croc to me) on and off since about 2014. We met through tumblr and connected because of our shared obsession with Thomas Barrow from Downton Abbey. We were only really casual acquaintances but she touched my life more than she probably realised. She was witty, clever, insightful, effortlessly cool and so incredibly herself that she inspired me—and many others—to be braver and better. Even though we fell out of touch in the last few years of her life, I never forgot Kate, and I never will. Myself and many others in the Thomas Barrow fandom were devastated to hear of her passing and one year on, our thoughts are with her family and friends. ❤️

From Kate's mom:

I can't email back to all of you for the wonderful tributes you've left for Kate/Croc/Lex, so I hope you will see this note and know it was meant for you. I'm sorry to all of you who didn't learn until long after it happened that she had taken her own life. She had so many communities, and if I'd been thinking more clearly I would have realized that I should post a note on all of them, on Twitter and Instagram and Letterboxd and ... well, I don't even know all the other places where she "lived" online. So many of you have said in your comments here and in notes to me that it helps you even now to go through her writings when you're having a bad day.

Many of you have also said that in the last months of her life Kate disappeared from many group chats. I'm not sure why she did so; part of me thinks it was probably because she felt so "done" with our world, part of me thinks that it was because she loved you all so much and knew you loved her and she thought it might make it easier for you to lose her if perhaps you forgot about her. I believe and hope that she is still aware of us from wherever she is now (possibly aboard the pirate ship in One Piece, with her beloved character Sanji). I believe and hope that she knows you love and remember her.

Some of you have said you wish you'd reached out to her in her last months and tried harder to contact her, that maybe that would have helped her change her mind. I don't think it would have made a difference; as she said to me, "You know how stubborn I am when I've made up my mind to do something" (or not do something, as was often the case).

Many of you have also said that it was Kate who gave you the courage to be yourself and to continue to live in a world that often feels hostile to you. I hope that her decision to take her life will not change that, or make you feel less certain of yourself, or less determined to follow your own path, even when it's difficult. Kate's circumstances were complicated by health issues that, to her at least, seemed insurmountable. As those of you who love her know, Kate was instinctive and often brilliant; I wish she'd been wrong about her health and the future prospects for her body, but I suspect she might have been right.

I think we all hope she is in a better and safer place, where she no longer suffers and where she is free to exercise all her ingenious, creative and fun-loving Kate-ness. I hope you will all look for her in rainbows and in your dreams and in young people with flair who are strutting confidently along the streets of your hometowns in amazing outfits. I hope you'll hear her voice when you watch movies, whether they are her favorites or yours. None of us, I think, could ever anticipate whatever witty, sardonic and well-informed comment she would make about a film. Perhaps if we all listen hard enough we can still hear her.

As her mother, I'm most touched to know that you still remember her and care about her, one year later. Thank you to her special friends who joined me for her birthday and the anniversary of her death last week. I will continue to post little remembrances of her here, and more photos as I find them. I hope you will continue to visit this memorial site and to leave little stories and memories of her and photos, because (selfishly) they give me so much comfort.

Thank you. Kate, if you're reading this, text me please, your phone is still fully charged. Love, Mom

I write this having just learned that Kate has left us over a year later. Unfortunately, we fell out of touch, because sometimes these things just happen… but when I say Kate has made an impact on my life, know it is said deeply, meaningfully, and lovingly.

We met on tumblr, a blogging website, where we bonded over Downton Abbey and our favorite character of Thomas Barrow. I knew her as Croc — a nickname of her previous URL crocodilepatronus. It was around the time of 2013/2014, roughly around our junior & senior years of college — Kate and I are the same age, as we learned, and our birthdays were so close together. We were the same chaotically creative minds, laughing in the wee hours of the night of inside jokes and happy nonsense. I’ve been recently reminiscing on some old memories, where Kate made a joke that we were beyond a bromance —

In Kate’s words: “me and Nikki transcend simple bromance or coupling
we’re like those two characters in a tv show that are never confirmed to be dating but we’re definitely dating
we’re like lab babies born of the same test tube”

We were that close during that time. I always looked forward to talking to Kate in between classes or late at night. We were always laughing, those deep belly laughs that hurt with happiness. It is a time in my life that I look back on so fondly.

It was a joy and honor to know Kate. I wish we could have had more time; I wish we could have stayed in touch. Kate made my life better just by existing in it. I’m so grateful for the memories we have. I hope you are resting well.

Love you, Kate.

I was pals with Kate on twitter a couple years ago, and I thought she was the most wonderful person - kind, thoughtful, stylish, and incredibly funny. I miss her terribly and think about her all the time, especially when watching a movie that I know she loved; she was so passionate about film, a quality which immensely inspired other people's joy for the subject. She showed her friends things they never would have considered or heard of, and I remember that so many people looked to her as a beacon of knowledge and taste. Rest in peace <3

I knew Kate as Lex on Twitter around 2 years ago when I was 18 and was really struggling to make friends in real life due to moving to a new city and living on my own for the first time. I didn't get much social interaction that year and talking to Kate and the other members of our little Steve Buscemi-centric group chat are some of only fond memories from that time in my life. It truly felt like a little family - in that we could all be insane about our interest in Steve Buscemi and gush over his work together.
Kate was one of the most active members in our little group and her tweets were always downright HILARIOUS so I knew I wanted to befriend her right away. She accepted me and started talking to me immediately after I was added to the group and it made me feel really welcomed because my social skills aren't always that great and I struggle to make friends. We soon bonded over our shared love for DC media, music history, and weird films, and although we didn't meet in real life - I'd like to consider the members of our little Steve Buscemi groupchat some of my closest friends from that year and one of the only good parts of a really tough year for me. It was so nice to log on and have people who just *got me* you know? Like we could all be insane and weird over this actor we were all obsessed with and bond over that and that was something really special that I've rarely gotten in real life spaces.

If I ever meet Steve (a guy can dream) I'll tell him about you. I'm sure he would be honored to know his biggest fan was someone so special. I hope you're resting easy, Kate. We all miss you so much

I saw this long & skinny girl with blonde locks and big Holly Golightly sunglasses absolutely CRUSHING it in a funky little minidress and absurdly high boots today. It made me do a double-take, because I maybe see someone who looks as striking as you like...once a month? (And I see thousands of people a DAY at my job.)
It made me think of you.
Yesterday I was halfway through sending you an absurdly weird meme of Willem Dafoe when I remembered you wouldn't be there to get it.
Last Tuesday I got choked up when I looked at a PADLOCK at work because it made me think of you.
And the day before that, a Rubberbandits song came on shuffle and I missed you.
Tonight I decorated our Christmas tree and I thought about you and the cute little arrangements of decorations you did for the holidays you liked. Your enthusiasm for the small things that make up life.
I miss you.
There are things that you'd like...but there's nobody LIKE you, not in the whole world.

Hello <3 I knew Kate as Lex as she was my online friend on Twitter. While I was looking at old tweets, I thought to check on Lex because I hadn’t heard from her in months. I was immediately crushed by the realization of her passing to the point where I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t know Lex for a long time but when I met her, I was drawn to her beautiful and bright spirit that was so strong, that even a computer screen couldn’t dim its light. It felt like I had known her for years and how I wish that was the reality. I wish I had more time with her and that our friendship didn’t have to end so short. We were a part of a Steve Buscemi gc together in which we bonded over our love for the actor and as strange as it sounds, I feel like we had our own community and family just in the palm of our hands; coming from the tiny electronic boxes in our pockets. She was the oldest of the gc and from just that, I really looked up to her and adored her confidence and intellect. I will miss the conversations that we had and her hilarious tweets that felt like home. I will miss her TikTok videos about her crazy outfits that only she could slay. And every time I watch Fargo, I will be reminded of her. I feel really hurt that my friend has been gone from this earth and I wasn’t even aware until now. A big part of me still doesn’t believe it. She had such a fierce and unstoppable aura to her that it feels like she never left. But Lex, I’m happy that you’re not hurting anymore. That’s the only thing that I could ever want. There is a light that never goes out. Goodbye, I will miss you always and forever. Sending virtual hugs to her friends and family. Also Happy late Halloween, Lex <3

happy halloween lex. miss you every day.

Kate was a good friend at Marvelwood. I was coming from nyc and I felt isolated up in Kent however she made me feel right at home. She was friendly, intelligent, kind and so sweet. My fondest memory was watching league of extraordinary gentleman with her and discussing comics and music. We also shared a dog name in common being both of our dogs were named lola. All though she is up there in heaven which I hope she’s hanging with all the cool music legends I will miss her and remember the great memories we shared. I will always feel grateful for you making me feel at home at Marvelwood Kate.

Kate was one of my dearest and closest friends from high school and someone who meant the absolute world to me.

She was, still is, and undoubtedly always will be the most loving, intelligent, fascinating, compassionate, talented, beautiful, instantly likable, and just all-around amazing person I’ve ever known.

Her style, grace, confidence and maturity also made her impossible to ignore.

The first time I ever saw Kate, I was captivated by her immeasurable beauty and overwhelmingly strong presence, and I knew—right then and there—that I had encountered a person unlike anyone I had ever met before, and even at age 16, was confident that I’d never meet anyone quite like her ever again. And admittedly, in that very same moment of seeing her for the first time, I instantly realized how unbearably heartbreaking it would be to lose—in any capacity—someone so special.

Kate’s ability to read people and remember every little fact about them made her the world’s best gift-giver. She knew I worshiped Spider-Man and that Christmas was my favorite holiday, so during our gift exchange for the 2011/2012 holiday season, she handed me the most lovely Spider-Man Christmas ornament imaginable. (Honestly, it was far too nice of a gift; like, so nice in fact, that it took me the better part of a year to permanently remove from its box and prominently display it in my collection.)
To this day, it’s the pride & joy of my entire Spider-Man collection—a collection which dates back 23 years.

Kate was also the only person in the world who I felt comfortable sharing music with; be it my own or somebody else’s. We always seemed to be listening to the same songs just hours or minutes apart and we also felt comfortable indulging in our shared guilty pleasures together. If I posted a lyric or two on my Facebook wall, she was always the first to throw a ‘Like’ or write a funny, cute or insightful comment, and I always made sure to do the same for her. Either that, or we’d just openly share our love for whichever artist we both wound-up randomly bonding over together that day in our own special way.

Kate once told me that the first step she always took to approaching seemingly impossible tasks, no matter how truly daunting, was to create a motivational playlist.

So, in honor of Kate, I’m currently working on said playlist for myself as I navigate a Kate-less world and begin to take some pretty big next steps in my own life. I'm only one track in, but these things take time.

I love & miss her more than words can ever possibly convey and not a day goes by where I don’t think of her and how incredible of a person she was and all of the wonderful & amazing things she did for me and others. I’m also sorry that I wasn’t able to say goodbye to her or let her know exactly what she meant to me, but I’ll always have the memories & keepsakes we shared, especially those involving music and comics.

You were the best of us, Kate.
You made me a happier, healthier and better person. You gifted me a genuinely beautiful friendship and showed me that I was capable of changing and helped get me unstuck from my past. You made me so unbelievably happy, Kate.

It’s crazy, Kate. I never imagined that I’d be fortunate enough to call you “friend”, until I did. You taught me that I could have really cool, beautiful and special friendship with someone I greatly loved & deeply admired, so I’m truly thankful you for that. Please know that I will never forget you. Trust me; it’s impossible—you’re far too unforgettable.

Love,
Chris a.k.a. your favorite garage rock superstar, Greg Stallion

Kate's definitive October 2020 study of the best pumpkin spice latte. As we know, of course, the pumpkin spice offerings continue to evolve and improve but here is her opinion of the best of the best at that time — and dont miss the recipe at the end that we found online, and decided actually tastes a little better than the Starbucks latte, perhaps because it was made with love.

By Kate Hochswender

The arrival of the Pumpkin Spice Latte to the Starbucks menu has become a harbinger of autumn since 2004, when it was first released. 
Now, more than 15 years later, almost every establishment that sells coffee in America has its own pumpkin spice latte recipe that it sells from late September through October. 
The pumpkin spice latte, or “PSL” as it’s sometimes called, is a coffee drink that combines all the tastes you associate with pumpkin pie: pumpkin flavoring, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves. 
Over the years I have become a connoisseur of all things pumpkin spice. I’ve taste-tested nearly every PSL product on the market — so you don’t have to. 
The most famous, of course, is the one offered by Starbucks. Their version is classic and quite good — especially the Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino (a cold, blended drink) and Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew (cold-brew coffee topped with sweet, pumpkin-flavored cream). These are menu items unique to Starbucks. 
However, if you just want a classic hot, pumpkin spice latte, and if you don’t feel like driving for 45 minutes or more to get to a Starbucks, I would recommend getting one from McDonald’s or Dunkin’ Donuts. Brand snobs might argue otherwise, but the hot pumpkin spice latte from these three chains offer essentially the same experience. If you want a hit of caffeinated PSL this Pumpkin Spice Season, I don’t think you’d miss out by going to McD or Dunkin’ instead of Starbucks. 
Cumberland Farms (which has filling station/convenience stores in Amenia, N.Y., Millerton, N.Y., Great Barrington, Mass., and Torrington, Conn.) has a make-your-own pumpkin spice latte syrup with their other coffee condiments, next to the milk, sugar and creamers. You can add as many shots of syrup as you’d like to your coffee for either a more subtle or a maximized version. Cumbies also offers a pumpkin cappuccino from its cappuccino machine that will be well-received by anyone with a sweet tooth. 
There’s also a variety of pumpkin spice coffees and creamers you can buy at your grocery store, including non-dairy options. My favorites are the Pumpkin Spice Latte Cold Brew Coffee with Almond Milk by Califia, which has nice notes of cinnamon and nutmeg and is mild enough that you don’t feel like you’re drinking a dessert. I also like the Chameleon brand pumpkin spice oat milk latte, which is more spicy than sweet, differentiating it from many of the PSLs on the market. 
If you’re not a coffee drinker, Harney & Sons tea company, based in Millerton, has a Pumpkin Spice Tea. 
If you are staying homebound due to quarantine, we’ve found a recipe for a pumpkin spice latte that you can make yourself at home. 
This is from the website www.sweetsteep.com; the recipe was developed by a woman whose daughter was a barista at Starbucks. We found it was easy to make and tasted just like the Starbucks PSL — or actually, a little bit better. 
We happened to have a couple cans of Libby’s canned pumpkin in the pantry; when we went to the grocery store to pick up a few more cans we were surprised to find that none of the area grocery stores that we visited had any in stock. 
The internet isn’t indicating that there is a canned pumpkin shortage this year, as there was in 2015. We were shopping in late September, so it’s possible that it was just a bit too early for the stores to be stocking it. 
Some stores have the One-Pie brand of canned pumpkin, which gets high marks from users on the internet.
However, if you are unable to find canned pumpkin (and be sure you do not buy canned pumpkin pie mix, which already has spices added) there is still time to buy a baking or pie pumpkin at your local farm stand. Roast and puree the flesh, scoop it out of the shell and remove the seeds. Then be sure to puree the roasted flesh and then run it through a food mill. To give it more body, you can add roasted butternut squash or sweet potato; fresh pumpkin is always a little more stringy and watery than the canned version.
 
Pumpkin Spice Latte Syrup
Adapted from www.sweetsteep.com
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
2/3 cup pumpkin puree
One 14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1/4 teaspoon salt
 
You can buy premade pumpkin pie spice, but you probably have all the ingredients for it in your pantry already. Save yourself some money, and use up your spices before they start to lose their flavor. 
Most of the spice recipes we found are variations on a few basic ingredients. The Martha Stewart recipe worked fine, but almost any other recipe will be just as good. Combine 3 tablespoons of ground cinnamon, 2 teaspoons of ground ginger, a teaspoon of ground nutmeg, a teaspoon of ground allspice and a half teaspoon of ground cloves. If you don’t have any allspice, don’t go out and buy some just for this.
To make the pumpkin spice latte syrup, first make a simple sugar by combining a half cup of water and a half cup of sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat. The sugar will dissolve into the water and then begin to boil; when it does, turn the heat to low and add the pumpkin puree, the condensed milk, the pie spice and the salt. Stir them together for a couple minutes over low heat and then set the mix aside and let it cool. 
Be sure that you use condensed milk, which is thick and sweet, and not evaporated milk or any other canned milk product. The two most common brands around here are Magnolia from Borden’s, which was made here in the Tri-state region for many years by the Borden family; and Eagle Brand (and actually, Eagle makes the Magnolia milk too). 
When you’re ready to make a latte, you don’t have to use espresso, you can just make coffee (as strong or weak as you like). I use about two tablespoons of syrup for each normal-sized cup of coffee; experiment until you find the amount that you like. 
You don’t need to add milk —but if you have a milk frother you can of course scoop some on top of your latte, and sprinkle a little dusting of pie spice over the top.

One of the very greatest things about Kate was that—if something good happened to you, or if you accomplished something good—she was your BIGGEST cheerleader.

From a person who could be very cynical, and very dark about some things, it was crazy how that disaffected attitude would melt away the second you had good news and she was the happiest person in the world for you. So loving and so enthusiastic. Your biggest fan, whether it was for a project you'd poured your heart into or a personal bit of positive news.

I always felt really lucky to be loved by her. If she loved you, she had your back 100%. Now that positive things are happening for me, hers is the voice I imagine when I need to be bolstered up, when I desire recognition. Her voice is the voice that cares the most deeply, without reservation—this bottomless well of enthusiasm for other people's dreams.

Thinking a lot about Kate today. She included a picture of the poet Paul Celan in her last instagram post, and I feel like this Celan poem is so very appropriate for her:

'Threadsuns
above the grayblack wastes.
A tree-
high thought
grasps the light-tone: there are
still songs to sing beyond
mankind.'

Kate—I hope you are singing your songs beyond mankind. Love you.

A quote from a book by Sharon Charde, expressing how the last year with Kate felt to me:

Thai meditation master Ajahn Chah: “Do you see this glass? I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, this glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over or my elbow knocks it off the shelf and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious.”

A week later. A year ? ...Just time. And this Little Bird has left. Left, you ask. Yes, left us with sweet memories..and the endlessness of her Thwarted Genius. Thwarted ? Not at all. Given Life and having used it best she could. Genius. A word I haven't heard yet. Because I always thought of her that way. And I told her so. "Write it down", I insisted. I won't forget Dear Kate, Lovely Kate. Not ever. Style. Charm. Humor. Kindness. Smarts. Beauty. Just words to begin to indicate. A Countenance so Ripe and Fulsome. And wanting and deserving...Love. All the Love we had and have to give...Here...Now...Amen..RIP, Child...and your Mama...we stand by her, hold her hand, hold her Heart....and remember, Together...and Heal....

It was one week ago that we all gathered to remember you Kate. I hope that somehow you felt all the Love that was overflowing from everyone who’s Life you touched. I know that you will be in my heart forever and how much I will treasure all the memories we made together. Sleep in Peace Rabbit ❤️

Bryan Moya and Antonella Moya, friends from Marvelwood, wrote:

Bryan: Kate called me a sage once. I thought that was sort of silly to call me but I appreciated that she thought of me in such a way. I once told her she reminded me of my ex and that really jump started our companionship. We always had good rapport with one another, especially when we sat in the same literature classes throughout our years in high school. I liked Kate because with all her cunning intellect she always looked eye to eye with me. She was unapologetically blunt, and it was so right. As far as Hosewender’s outfits go, they grew on me. The outfits were different from the norm but Kate was the
always same.

Bryan’s sister, Antonella: I had the chance to meet Kate on a few occasions. Although I was not as familiar with her as my brother, I could tell she was incredibly sweet. I remember her jump-running to my brother and screaming “MOYAA... you’re bigger than I remember.” They laughed and then her eyes
met mine and she curiously asked who I was. The warmth and joy she had for my brother translated towards me, so much so I thought she viewed me as a part of him. I was immediately welcomed. That has stuck with me through the years. Btw, Kate was so cool. I always liked her style.
Craziest outfit: A kids sized tee (I could never pull that off or on), layered with a striped long sleeve, some sort of graphic print pant, boots, and a trapper hat.

We hope this email comforts you and Kate.

P.S. For Kate,
If you are listening in, we burned sage in your honor while writing this.

Kate was so special to us, in part because of, but beyond, the wonderful connection she had with our teen daughter, Madeleine. Maddie lit up when around Kate's sparkling presence, and it was so wonderful to watch the two of them launch into lively discussion of the latest aspect of their many shared interests, whether they were talking about movies or another aspect of pop culture or a million other eclectic and delightfully obscure (often hilarious) tidbits and mutual observations and ponderings. We often remarked on how alike they were in a lot of ways, despite the almost 10-year age difference. Kate also served as a mentor of sorts for Maddie, generously offering insights about what would be their shared educational paths—both going first to Marvelwood in high-school years, then on to Bard College. But Kate wasn't only our daughter's friend, and the daughter of a close friend; she was our close friend, too. We cared for her deeply and will miss her always. She is part of the universe in a different way now, and we will welcome and cherish all the reminders and connections with her that will continue on.

Cindy and I grew up together, but then moved to opposite sides of the country, so I only had the pleasure of meeting Kate a handful of times over her short life, but we connected immediately as true geeks are blessed to be able to do.

Part of being a geek is the ability, and often the necessity, to live part of our lives inside the fictional worlds created by others, and even more so, in the stories and worlds that we are writing in our heads and occasionally on paper. 

Kate’s amazing creativity and spirit would not be constrained by her physical and mental reality and the worlds of One Piece, Smallville, and others became places where she could be the version of herself she could not be here - doing things like exploring the world and fighting pirates, all while holding hands with her beloved Sanji.

My first memory of Kate was a trip we took together to Disneyworld when she was something like four or five years old. I don’t remember the rides or parades. I remember sitting around the little cabins at Fort Wilderness and telling stories. With Kate it was always about stories.

The best and most meaningful time we had together was when Kate and Cindy came to stay with us when Kate was about 14 years old. Our house is kind of like a grand central station meets comic con. At the time we had about a dozen people living with us of varying ages and lots of the crazy people we work with wandering in and out all the time. So it can be a little overwhelming for the uninitiated. Cindy of course dove right into the creative chaos, but Kate spent the first couple of days on the periphery.

She was already a huge One Piece fan, years before most kids in the US would even know it existed, and she would find a quiet spot to sketch Sanji and the other characters. In my mind I always see Kate out on the dock, or curled up in a ball in a nook of our kitchen, sketchpad in hand, face serene, only partially on Earth.

One Piece became the way that we were able to connect with Kate. Talking about Manga and Anime I introduced Kate to the term BESM Big Eyes, Small Mouth, which is a shorthand for a specific art style and a world of associated content. Through those talks we slowly drew her into our craziness with the highlight undoubtedly being a D&D game in which Kate’s ability to visualize and her storytelling skills really shined.

For several years afterwards we would send Kate obscure One Piece merchandise that we found in Manga or Anime Otaku shops during our travels. We only got the chance to see Kate in person a couple of times over the last decade. Just prior to her graduation, Kate toured us around the Bard campus and her dorm. She extremely proud of her accomplishments there and it was a joy to see her so confident and happy. During our last visit to Salisbury just hanging around the house, the subject of Gilmore Girls came up because of the local convention. My wife Dawne and I are huge Gilmore Girls fans, it's practically a religion in our house to watch all 7 seasons every year, and we realized that over years we had seen in Cindy and Kate the real live Lorelai and Rory, a relationship which transcended parent and child or best friends to be all encompassing. It was beautiful and humbling.

I believe that it was their relationship which helped Kate fight her way through all these years. In my mind Kate was always an “old soul” . I think that her ailments caused her to mature very quickly into a deeply thoughtful person at a very young age, and she knew that she had to keep fighting until Cindy was strong enough to cope with what she needed to do. Kate was not reckless, everything she did she did with considerable thought and determination, and thus we have to respect her decision, no matter how painful, and treasure all the years that she gave us.

All our love, Jordan, Dawne, and the boys

I met Kate when she was about 17 years old, and I was struck by how such a young person could be so incredibly poised and confident (I was a bumbling mess at that age). She could rock any hair color--among those I saw were blond, black and pink--and wore the most delightfully creative clothes. She loved Halloween and those sugary Easter Peeps, which we both agreed were best enjoyed months after the holiday when they'd turned hard. Kate was uniquely HERSELF. She was thoughtful, kind, generous of spirit and smart--really, really smart, which is essential in order to have the sense of humor Kate had. One of my all-time favorite Kate quips was when I asked her if like me she was having a hard time being quarantined during COVID, and she said,  "Are you kidding? I've been training my whole life for this!" Another time, I ribbed Kate for not wanting to swim in Lakeville Lake, assuring her that she did not have to be afraid of sharks there. She said, "Just because there have never been any sharks in the lake doesn't mean there couldn't be." What a beautiful, funny, special young woman Kate was. She will always be in my heart.

As soon as I saw the pumpkins and spicy candle gracing the banner on this page, I remembered how much Kate enjoyed the month of October in grade 7 at Sharon Center School. We read the stories and poems of Edgar Allan Poe all month, and Kate was in her glory. Then as her teacher, I was having a glorious time as well. It is not every seventh-grader who can fully grasp and appreciate Poe, but Kate was a reader and a writer.
Is it possible I knew her as Katie? I feel as if that is what I called her, when we first bonded over anime and manga. Bonding over Poe took the teacher-student relationship to the next level. From all of the tributes I have read here, and through the eloquence and honesty of her mother's writing, Kate grew into a luminous and brilliant young woman. She was a young girl when I knew her, but she was already an original with style and a palpable grace. She was always kind, and she lit up when taking hold of an idea. What a delight she was to talk to, to read with, to know. What a gift she was to her English teacher! What a great hole her leaving has left in the lives of so many, who will always remember her and wish they could make just one more memory with her.

Dear Katie,

I’ve struggled to find the words to say amidst the swirling cocktail of sadness, anger, and regret that I’ve been feeling since I heard the news. 

To be honest, I was angry at you for leaving this way. It seemed selfish, especially to your mom who cared so deeply for you and now must carry the unimaginable pain of losing her child this way. I know I’m not alone in wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.

Your mom has reminded us how important it is not to feel any regret, as there was nothing we could have done—that you had tried everything before deciding to set yourself free from a lifetime of unfixable pain—that you didn’t do it because you felt alone—that you set your mom free to live an unburdened life with love and compassion in your heart—that you had so many people who loved and cared for you, people who valued your kind soul, intelligence, passion, and wit, people who were delighted by your presence. 

Though I may never understand or agree with it, I’m not angry anymore. I’m happy that you’re free from suffering. I’m sad that I will never get to see my cousin again but I’ll always treasure our childhood memories together.  I’m hopeful that your mom will learn to find joy in the gift that you’ve given her and remind our family to stay in touch more often.  

Some people say that when a hummingbird visits your home after the death of someone close, it is a sign that the departed soul is trying to reconnect in the form of a hummingbird. Since we have many hummingbirds nesting in my neighborhood, I refilled my feeders in hopes that you visit me soon here in Arizona. I’ll be waiting and look forward to tell you all the things I wish I should’ve told you sooner–most importantly, that I love you always, Katie, and that you’ll never be far from my thoughts. <3

Kate’s sharp self-awareness, dry wit, and deeply loving nature will stay in my heart forever. Though we hadn’t spoken in a couple of years, Kate always meant so much to me, and I have thought of her often. She was generous, brave, unapologetically passionate about her interests, so funny and so sweet. I’m grateful to have had the chance to spend summer holidays with her, visiting farm markets and the lake together. With her stories, jokes, and brilliant fashion sense, Kate truly lit up the lives of those who knew her. I’ll always miss you, my friend.

As Kate’s uncle, I have some wonderful memories of Kate: sharing toddler years with my son Daniel playing Batman and Robin; the two teenagers loose on their own on a 7-day Alaska cruise celebrating the 50th anniversary of their grandparents; emailing and zooming with her during the “Covid sakoku” (an amazingly clever phrase that Kate coined to refer to the two century self-isolation of Japan).

But like so many other people whose light Kate shined upon, I wish there had been more opportunities to spend time with Kate, enjoy the wonder of Kate and tell her how much we loved her.

As Cindy has so eloquently written, truly, Kate was effervescent, brilliant and luminous in so many ways and to so many people. I would like to share one particular part of her amazing wit and intelligence, which she may have shown only to me, Daniel, and my wife Makiko.

The three members of my family have spent a good part of our lives traveling, studying or living in Japan. But, Kate, having never been to Japan, outclassed all of us in her depth of knowledge of Japanese anime, manga, art, and literature —and of all the bewildering subcultures that go with those arts. Kate sent us emails gushing with enthusiasm about these different subcultures, including phrases in the Japanese language. 

Kate talked of wanting to some day travel to Japan together, so she could see the cherry blossoms, paddle around in a swan boat and explore the night life in Golden Gai in Tokyo (the seediest, funkiest, hippest part of that massive city). Oh, how Makiko, Daniel and I wish we could have taken that trip with her.

In our last email correspondence, Kate mentioned her admiration for Vincent Van Gogh. She said that Van Gogh’s painting, “Bedroom in Arles”, gave her some comfort. She said that although Van Gogh was a very depressed person who had to endure a lot of internal suffering, he was happy in that Bedroom; and that she took comfort, despite her own four walls that could lead to cabin fever: “It’s a nice thing to have a place to call home filled with things that you chose to put there because they made you happy.”

Goodbye, Kate. We will always think of you with these words from the Don McLean song, “Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)”: “This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you”.

I have so many things to say about Kate that I know I will probably post here often, but today I wanted to say a simple thing about her: I think that I am very lucky in the particular way that I got to experience my friendship with her.

On skype, or over text, or in a group chat, or a DM, it was easy to see the internal Kate. You can discover it in how her other 'online friends' have described her in the tributes I've pasted here: hilarious, luminous, glittering, wry. I got to see the unfettered version of my beloved friend, away from the pain she felt in her daily life and her physical body.

Not that she couldn't be dark—she could be downright macabre. But she was free, so very free to express herself to the fullest—I think I may never know another person quite as emotive, or as intelligent as that range of emotion and expression required.

It wasn't until we met in real life that I understood how fettered Kate was by anxiety and pain. When we were long-distance friends—which was almost always, with brief visits in between—it was easy to be swayed by the voice of a brilliant and incisive brain. In person, I saw her fragility as well as her strength.

I can't quite wrap my mind around how brave Kate was to make the effort to spend physical time with me and my wife. I am so glad that we got to be her friends. We will always be her friends, and we will always be grateful for the tremendous effort she put into loving us and showing us her love. I love her so much.

From Erin Ashby in Los Angeles: "She was a very talented writer. Her fics were beautiful and she was generous in writing them for her friends as gifts.

She was endlessly creative, stylish, hilarious, rebellious, spirited, sardonic, shockingly sweet (and pretended she wasn’t), hyper intellectual, kind of adorably possessive of her friends, LOYAL as fuck good lord. She was punk rock.

I’m grateful that I got to meet her in person once in Salem with Cam and Are-are. I’m grateful I got to give her a hug once. I’m pissed off I won’t ever get to do that again.

She was 28. I’ll miss her."

Two days ago, I had the first moment where I forgot for a split second that Kate was gone, and I tried to text her something funny that I knew she’d laugh at. I have a feeling that won’t be the last time I almost do that. After close to ten years of discussions about almost everything under the sun, it’s nearly unthinkable that we will never speak again. I love her and miss her very much, that part is the easy part. I think the hard part is her absence; the lack of her distinctive digital presence. She’s not there to talk to, to joke with or to bounce ideas off of. It’s a habit I haven’t yet broken.

Even so, I have no doubt that she’ll be in my thoughts every day, as she was before. A movie I wonder if she’d like, a book I’ll wonder if she had read, what she thought about an album or song. A joke I’d want to tell her, advice I wish I could ask her. Times when I wish I could see her. In that way, I can continue our conversation indefinitely. I’ll miss her forever.

From Brooke Campbell in Australia: "Remembering the day my beautiful friend Kate got me a personalized autograph from my favourite actor at the time—Rob James Collier.

I was in a rehab centre recovering from a car accident and I was having a hard time. I vividly remember seeing that autograph for the first time and just crying with pure joy. I was so overwhelmed—not only by the fact that I had my favourite actor's autograph, but because the gesture from Kate was so incredibly kind.

I'll always remember Kate that way. As the beautiful, kind and considerate person she was.

I'll miss your posts and your always spot-on sense of humor. I wish we had more time."

From illustrator Bere Weillschmidt, Germany: "An old internet friend passed away today. It's hard to assimilate something like this when you shared so much and yet...never met each other physically.

She was an incredibly funny and creative person who always struggled to to overcome her demons.

Thank you for sharing so many stories and dramas with me. Thank you for listening to me and exchanging gifts with me. Your friendship was a treasure for me.

I'll always remember you, Kate."

My neighbor emailed to asked me which of my many recipes was Kate's favorite. I wrote to him that, "One of the great ironies of Kate’s long and troubled life is that she was too sick for most of her life to ever truly enjoy eating. I feel it now, the sadness that makes all food taste like ash in my mouth. Part of the reason I worked so hard to learn to cook well was to try and get some weight on her tiny frail frame; in the end, part of her decision to end her life was sparked, I think, by her neurologist saying that the medication would never work on her if she couldn’t get more weight on her body. The headaches and other illnesses made it hard for her to eat; the weight made it unlikely she would ever be cured. Like all anxious people, she liked soft, easy foods, cakes and pancakes. But when I would cook for her, she would always say the same thing: “When you cook for me it’s delicious because I know you made it with love."

Helen Keller said "Death is no more than passing from one room to another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I'll be able to see." And in that other room, I am certain, Kate is free of mental and physical pain, and enjoying the world anew.

I always thought of Katie as a lightning bug: effervescent one minute, dark the next, then luminous again. She was so smart that bantering with her — as we did the summer she worked at the LJ -- was a delight. I cannot imagine the suffering that brought you two to this point, her pain and your inability to ease it.
— Leon Graham

Andre sent a note with the photo of kate in flip flops sitting on a tree stump in our yard from 2014 and said, "She looked—and I think she was—genuinely happy in those photos I sent from Bard. In this one as well, which she sent me in May of 2014 (perhaps from Connecticut?), she looks so content. It's good to remember that, in spite of everything she went through, there were moments of real joy in her life, and I know that you contributed a great deal to her happiness, even in the midst of the incredible pain caused by her illness.
I'm going to look through my photo library and old messages for more pictures... I know there are some (often self portraits) of Kate wearing elaborate outfits and costumes. Not everyone could clearly be their authentic self while showing up to a party—or a class—dressed as a flapper from the 1920's. Kate could, and did."

"

I’m so sorry to hear about Kate. Kate was a kind person and a loyal friend, and one of the funniest & most creative people I’ve ever met. I hope you know that, at Bard, she talked about you quite a bit- she adored and loved you. I know that she had been ill and that things were difficult for her. We hadn’t really stayed in touch after graduating- I wish we had. If she said anything before passing away, or if there’s anything else you can tell me, please do. I hope you’re holding up ok- if there’s any way I can help, please let me know.

In my culture, when someone we love passes away, we say זיכרונו לברכה—‘zichrona livracha’—may her memory be a blessing. I know our memories of and experiences with Kate will be a blessing for all of us who were fortunate enough to know her.

Andre Burger

I had the opportunity to meet Kate and though our interaction was brief, I could feel such a warmth, grace and openness about her that is a rare thing in this world. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. All I can say is I am so glad I got to meet her.
Isabel Rooney

I wrote this for Kate on her birthday. With a hug, Amy

Kate
It’s never too late,
To celebrate our dear Kate.

Funny, creative, and very smart,
Forever you’ll maintain a piece of my heart.

I feel grateful for the time we worked together,
Through spring and summer, in all types of weather.
Occasionally you popped into yoga on Zoom,
But refrained from joining when you felt covered in gloom.

For now, I hope you’re resting in peace,
With love from your forever friend, Amy Lynn Reiss

We are reeling (once again) from the loss of one of our most beloved NWCT cinephiles and an honest-to-god inspiration behind what we do at Boondocks. Kate Hochswender was one of a kind. No two ways about it. When we saw her at one of our events, we knew we were showing something compelling…or something featuring Steve Buscemi (same thing?).

The first time she appeared at one of our screenings back in 2018, by the pool at Troutbeck, with her mom, Cynthia – we could tell we were in the presence of someone special. She was thrilled that we were showing Dario Argento’s Suspiria – and was decked out in such a broodingly brilliant way that she dimmed the sun in the sky, which, let’s face it, did not belong at a Suspiria screening anyway.

She was quiet, but didn’t do anything quietly. Quite the opposite. From what we’ve known of her anyway, she did whatever the hell it was she wanted to. She dressed only for how she felt, what she loved and who she was – not for anyone or anything else, and certainly not to fall in line with what was expected of her.

Kate had a completely uncompromising presence both in person and on social media, where she was a force of nature. If you don’t believe me, go back and look through her feed: @deathtrap628. We could never get enough of it ourselves. She could be devastatingly funny. She could be riveting. She wore her heart on her sleeve. We’re still awed by the photo shoot that Kate art directed with her mom as an homage to the iconic ski-village promo shot from House of Gucci.

Our interaction with Kate was limited in scope, but was felt deeply. We’ll take her with us for the rest of our time doing these events. She was so unique, and so herself – but she was also US.

Sometimes it’s easy for us (especially me) to forget – amidst the hustle, bustle, grappling with ego, and griping about ultimately inconsequential things – that we put on these events to connect with people like Kate. It’s what keeps us excited about Boondocks, and what makes putting on events worthwhile. We’ll always be striving to impress her with whatever we do. And every time the sun begins to dim, not long before the projector comes on, we’ll know she’s there. See you at the movies, Kate.

Boondocks Film Society

I was so moved by what you posted yesterday about Kate. The courage, the straightforwardness of just telling us. She could not stay. That’s how it is. And then when you wrote about that deer that appeared in your garden… I was so moved. It gave me goosebumps.

And here’s the part I am confused about. I was just lying in bed very late, thinking, and I was thinking especially about you and Kate, and how you could not mother her any more now that she she is gone. How Mothering has been the most powerful role of my life.

And I distinctly heard a female voice saying,
“She will always be my mother. Always and forever.”

It was so clear that I sat up, even though I knew I was alone. I was sure that I was awake, not dreaming. I didn’t have any sense that anyone was with me, just this voice, trying to tell me something..

I had an experience like this after my own mother died, 12 years ago. I was helping people cross over, and it seemed very normal. Cross over to where I don’t know, but they were leaving us. Everyone felt great, and I did too. It was joyful and calm. I knew I was awake, that was the eerie thing.

So I sat there for a long time last night trying to think about what this young woman was saying. She had repeated ii several times, just affirming something she was sure of. Not arguing.

And then it dawned on me that this wasn’t about me. I think it was about you. I hope I don’t seem like some of nut job having visions, but it seemed very clearly to be a message for you.

You must be going through all manner of emotions these days, and I don’t want to add anything that might be distressing or annoying. But this was just such a clear, calm voice, making a statement that she was sure of.

I hope it was Kate because she was pointedly saying, as I heard it, that she could not stay, but that she had a mother who would always be her mother. I don’t know why I was part of it, except that I have been thinking about the respectful way you talk about your daughter.

So I pass on to you this moment where I may have crossed the veil momentarily, or maybe I was half dreaming, but in whatever way, I heard that we do not ever stop being mothers. That this young woman was totally assured of having her mother be her mother forever

I am passing it on so you know at the very least that people like me who hardly know you are in this experience with you and will be there with you in the months to come as well.

Your writing has made me feel so close to you. The baking, your curiosity about everything, and now this story about the deer. I don’t know your daughter but I heard her voice. And it was reassuring you that you’ll be her mother forever.

Alexandra Peters

Kate made an impression on everyone she met, even if only for a few moments, even if only glimpsed across a dance floor. Her joy, her light, her brilliance and her generosity, kindness and loving spirit shined so brightly, despite the darkness her illnesses cast over her. Please share your memories of her, even if you only met her for a few moments or glimpsed her across a dance floor. And please share photos that show all her many phases and faces, so we can remember her moments of grace, while never forgetting the crushing and endless pain. She worked hard to bring joy to us; remember how high she could soar, and how far she had to travel upward to bring light to all our lives, especially mine.